two steps forward for sister, and one step back
 

Haven't posted in a while since its actually been a quiet few months on the recovering addict sister (RAD?) front.
24 weeks pregnant now, on a stable methadone dose (for oxycontin), making her weekly counselling appointments, going to work regularly...all wonderfully crisis free.

Well until this Thursday, when she decided to shoplift. Argh. And when they ran her name they found an old (last December) warrant for yet more prescription fraud, so had to arrest her and hold her overnight. She was out the next day, but will now have to explain herself again to the courts.

As frustrating as it is that she'd do something as dumb as try to shoplift, I actually find myself relieved that the prescription fraud is old, from within a few weeks of her starting her rehab program. It took some time to find a methadone dose that worked.

I also tell myself that 4 or 5 months is not going to undo more than 10 years of awful behaviour patterns: the lying, thefts, etc that an addict has to do to survive. Still a lot of work to do.

It was sad sitting in bail court waiting for her turn though. It was a constant stream of women brought through, all different ages, and all in pretty rough shape. Not one other person was there in court to see any of them, and other than my sister none of them even seemed upset to be there. Having been on this site a while, I got wondering about all the families they must have out there somewhere.

Recovery is such a frustrating and long process, until we find out why we
need "something" to fill up that missing piece, I think we will keep looking for
something to do it.

(((Oh Brother))))

I'm sorry she is falling into bad patterns, and my prayers go out for her.

It struck me that you are from Toronto where I lived for 20 years. I pictured the court room (been there done that) and can tell you the reason that others did not have family there may be because their family could no longer watch them like that. That's how it was for me, I couldn't stand to visit jail or sit in court and watch my son come out in shackles so I stopped doing it.

I can't remember if you go to meetings or not, but if you are looking for a terrific meeting, CoDA has a wonderful fellowship there and can help you more than you know. Here's a list of meetings. Call Marion (the contact person) and confirm times and places, they sometimes change and don't update the web page. Also, the Sunday Step Study is usually for people who commit to this ahead of time and may not be the best place for a newcomer.

CoDA Wednesday Step Group - caon305

Wednesday 7:00 PM
Bloor Street United Church
300 Bloor Street West (2 blocks east of Spadina)
Special Instructions: Room 31
Step
Contact Person: Marion 416-503-0456
12 Step/Tradition Workbook Group - caon308

Sunday 6:00 PM to 7:00 PM
Trinity St Paul’s
427 Bloor Street Suite 110
Special Instructions: Spadina & Bloor
Steps and Traditions / Wheelchair accessible
Contact Person: Marion 416-503-0456 / Lydia 416-461-7437
Fearless Fridays - caon

Friday 7:00 PM
Bloor Street United Church
300 Bloor Street West
Special Instructions: Room #31, Top of the staircase at building front
12 Steps / Wheelchair accessible
Contact Person: Sam 416-786-2056

Okay i dont get the shoplifting thing. When my son ran from rehab he had a warrant out for his arrest and since he's a minor and has medical issues police were looking for him. So what did he do? Went to the mall and stole some new clothes.

They are in so much trouble and then they do something so silly and petty like shoplift. it almost makes me wonder if they want to get caught. My AS does this all the time but he always seems to pick the worst times to do it - he has no regard for anyone elses property and thinks i'm just an idiot because i wouldnt even take extra money back from a cashier. its like they have a totally different thought process then we do. I'll never understand it.

Is counseling her only source of 'recovery'?

I'm just rather baffled because in the 22+ years I've been around the rooms of recovery (12 step programs), I've never met someone who went out and shoplifted at 4-5 months clean/sober.

She had behavioural problems long before there was any addiction. She's never seemed to grasp that her actions have consequences. If she saw something she wanted, she'd almost compulsively just take it. Its always remorse after the fact, when she's been caught.
So Winnie, yep they defintely do have a different thought process! Not sure what the solution to that is, except more and more counselling.
Freedom: just weekly counselling and methadone at the moment. She gets both from the same doctor at a 12-step based clinic here in Toronto. Now that the active addiction is at least under control, I'm hoping she'll be more agreeable to trying out NA.

Thanks for the clarification, OhBrother! :ghug :ghug

It is hard to watch, isn't it? It helped me to realize that for ach thing that happened, there was a reason and a lesson my daughter still needed to learn. I pray your sister sees the lesson in this and can use it in her recovery.

Winnie, I wonder if the shop lifting thing is part of the rush...that high and excitement that is similar to what one gets when just thinking about the next time he will get drugs. All that dopamine action once again...?

definitely and this is a lot of what that dopamine question was all about.
but it also goes along with a lot of teen behavior - they just dont have the developed brain yet that understands consequence. the part that controls excitement is all there so they do stupid things for the thrill. problem is when they start doing drugs so early on they dont ever develop those other parts of their brain. i think that's why i have him locked up so much - just in the hopes that his brain has some chance to develop.

I think lack of brain development has a lot to do with it too.
In the family program I took (run by my sister's clinic) they told us that when a person starts taking a substance to numb feelings or avoid unpleasant thoughts their development pretty much freezes there. They never do the hard work the rest of us did to mature.
So when they stop using, you are still left with the same maturity level they had when they started. In my sister's case, still a teenager going on 30.

Yep, that was the case with me too.

Heck, I'm almost 51 now, and I still feel like a kid trapped in an adult body, albeit an aging one now! :lmao

LoL:lmao, ....We'll try anything just to keep em' alive!!