357girl

It's been 4 days since I have seen or heard from my 18 year old. It is so unlike her to not need me, even when her addiction was so strong, she would still want talk to me all of the time. I have to block my thoughts of her when they start emerging in my mind or I will just lose it. I can't even listen to the radio, every song seems to remind me of her. This is the hardest time of my entire life. I realize I am doing the right thing but it really does hurt not knowing anything. Thanks for listening.

MyJoey

Sending hugs and support, stick with it. It is very hard, but you know your doing the right thing. She wants to shake you up and she knows your thinking about her. She is going to try her best to play you.......stand firm your doing great. Julie

winnie12

She's upset too - you've pulled the pillow out from underneath her so its to be expected. i dont think it will be forever. just stay tough and know you're doing the best thing for her and for you.

UNHAPPY777

357girl my thoughts and prayers are with you. During Christmas I put my AH out and didn't hear from him the first few days because he was mad and he had enough supply to last and he got his friends to get a hotel room. But, after the newness wore off he was begging to come home. See in the beginning he was trying to prove a point but, after he thought he proved a point he was ready to come home. Just when I was getting use to him being gone.

I'm no expert but, my experience is .....don't give in...I DID and like a lot of people have told me since then NOTHING CHANGES IF NOTHING CHANGED. I think I said it right LOL. It is the truth. He came back but, he's still doing the same thing. Just pray and I will be praying for you. It is hard but, consistency is the key. This I am slowly learning.It hurts like h*ll but, losing me is hurting even more. DOUBLE JEOPARDY!!!!!!!

Serenity Bound

357girl, Da@# straight it hurts, and she knows it hurts you. My AD will do the same, if she's pissed she just hangs up the phone & ya don't hear from her until she NEEDS SOMETHING from me. Then she'll call and act like nothing is wrong-meanwhile I have lost sleep, serenity & peace of mind, while she apparently hasn't had a problem at all.

Hang in there, you did the right thing. It takes a lot of practice to "Let go & Let God", but it is well worth it!

Hugs,
Chris

Angelic17

Well, in my opinion 4 days is not enough time for your daughter to feel the crunch. Sometimes it takes a bit longer, and trust me, she will be back, and she will need you, and your help. She will miss you, but unfortunately, our children do not love us, the way we love them. It's just not possible. I'm not saying they don't love us, but they have no clue as to how much they hurt us. Hang in there. It's just a matter of time, before where ever she is staying runs out. Besides, who is going to support her? She must be paying her own way. I'm sure she didn't do that with you. Anyway, Nobody wants to live with an addict, unless its another addict, and then that wont last either. Be patient, its a waiting game. It took my son, just a little over 2 months, to ask to come back home. The novelty wore off and he realized he had it great here. When he asked to come back,The answer was very simple, get help, and then get your own life. Your a big boy now. GROW UP. It was tough on me, but the best thing I could do for him.

Seren

Oh, dear, I'm so sorry to hear about your daughter....so young, too. Yes, you are doing the right thing. My fiance had to kick his nearly 30 yo addict son to the curb on Feb 1. He goes without contacting his father for a week or so at a time, and it is hard not knowing what is going on and worrying he is on some crazed crack binge.

We keep turning him over to his HP every morning and hope that he lives to see the other side of all of this!

You, your husband, and your daughter are in my thoughts and prayers.

Hugs, HG

Kallista

Hang in there. She's growing up. It's really tough, but she has to do it sometimes. It's even tougher for her, because she has problems that normal teen-agers don't have, but she can make it.

Freedom1990

I completely understand where you are coming from.

It's the same way with me and my oldest AD. I can't trust her at all. She's stolen from me. Everything that comes out of her mouth is a lie.

Our contact is minimal. She will call every once in a blue moon.

There just is no relationship there anymore.

:ghug :ghug :ghug

Done_With_It

357 GIRL Your in my thoughts and prayers as well as your daughter

:ghug

GiveLove

357girl, sending you a big hug to help you through this. It is a miserably hard time - are you taking good care of yourself? Eating well, sleeping well, taking vitamins, getting fresh air? The best thing you can do for yourself right now is try to stay physically and mentally strong and clear, and try to stay right in this moment.

In my worst times of dealing with my family addictions, I found it really helpful to book an hour here and there with a counselor. Why? Just to talk it out. Yell, scream, cry, anything that helped, with someone who was experienced at helping people get through terrible times. I burned through an awful lot of kleenex Think about that as an option - it may help you to keep your sanity in these difficult first days of doing the right thing.

Hang in there :ghug3

Wascally Wabbit

I too, spent many nights crying my heart out for my children.
Hang in there.

MyJoey

Hi there, Just wanted to stop in and let you know I was thinking about you. I hope you have a good weekend, I know your having a hard time, but stick to your guns it will get better. Julie

greeteachday

Just wanted to say I'm thinking of you too. Mom to mom hugs

breakingfree88

I am thinking of you. My heart goes out to you. I am so sorry and I wish you the strength to get through, minute by minute. If I could be there in person, I'd give you a hug. Everything will work out in the end. So if its not working out, its not the end!!!!!!

sleepygoat

The only way my husband and I were able to live with my AD (before we threw her out) was to lock up everything of value. then she stole the CD's and DVD's (too many to lock up) to sell for crack. So ultimately we threw her out anyway. She was almost 18 at that time. She had a few places to go but eventually everybody gets tired of it. What you are going thru is heartbreaking and extremely difficult. You are doing very well. I know how much it hurts.

357girl

my daughter texted me yesterday to let me know she wasn't "dead" as she put it, i responded back to her that i was glad to hear that and that when she was "ready" she should let us know. I got a "nice" (not really) text, her addict talking and playing games with me about how we don't care, blah blah. When I didn't respond, she called me later on and acted like all was well! She was going to come up, clean the house and feed the dogs. I told her that was not her responsibility anymore and that she broke the rules and was not allowed to come back until she was ready to be truthful, get sober, etc... she was upset and said "okay, i have to go mom." then she was actually in the house when I got home, and I asked her "what are you doing here???" and she said "i'm just packing up a few more things", then she left.

Now I am going out of town for two days and I am not bringing my cell so she can't ruin my trip. My husband is in charge in case she comes calling. Anyway, I am really struggling on if I should text her and let her know that i am going out of town and in case of an emergency, she can call my husband. But, we aren't sure if this is a good idea, I am just worried that I was really mean with her yesterday and may have given her no way of feeling that she can get sober, off of Oxy (which she is definitely still on). I want to text her and let her know I'm leaving and my husband is prepared to talk to her about the boundaries and such. I'm just not sure if it's a good idea to contact her or not. I'm just worried she will do something really stupid now (even more stupid).

Thanks for letting me post here every day and giving me hope. I feel like I'm being very annoying with my continued posts. One day I hope I do not have to do this continually... Claudia

Done_With_It

I think you did good. Just go on your trip and enjoy yourself.
If she wants to get sober she will get sober, you calling her back
won't change that.
Go and have fun. : ]

winnie12

Unless your husband is home a lot, I would not tell her because that may be a time that she'll try to come in while you're gone. If you do tell her you must change the locks first. My son would take total advantage of that time and rob me blind.

When my son was about 3, I was buying some firewood from a guy that lived on a very busy road where cars drove at about 40-50 mph. While i was paying for the wood, i glanced over to check my son and saw him just about to step into the road. I ran to the road grabbed him and flung him back into the yard - the force of the throw landed me in the road. Obviously i didnt get hit by a car but I was cut up from the fall. I didnt care that i was bleeding, in fact, I was willing to take the pain of getting hit by a car if it meant he would survive. It scared the crap out of him and he was angry and crying not understanding why his mom just threw him. Did I feel guilty - heck no. Did I apologize to him - again no - I had nothing to apologize for. I would never throw my child like that in any other situation but to save his life. The guy selling me the wood said he never saw anyone run so fast in his life and that he couldnt believe i was strong enough to throw him like that. My dear you and i are both in the situation of having to throw our child into another direction right now and we cannot feel guilt for it. We're going to suffer some pain - I'm willing, are you?

It sounds like its hitting home. The more my AS tells me how bad i am treating him and how he hates me, the more i know that i'm treating him the way he needs to be treated right now - he has to understand the consquences of his actions. Its when he's nonchalant and really doesnt care that I really worry. She may do something stupid, she may even do something stupid to get back at you but you have to stay strong and know that there is nothing you can do about that. She is trying to guilt you into being her doormat again because this is the role she's used to you playing. Now you're not playing her game so she's going to kick it up a notch and do and say whatever it takes to get you to play again.

I'm going through the same exact thing with my AS right now. If i give in then everything I've done and all the steps we've made towards recovery will be wasted - all that pain will be for nothing. Its so hard and it hurts so much, especially since none of us has any guarantees that this will work but i've got to do this. If i'm strong and something bad happens to him at least i will always know that i did my best to help him and that i didnt enable him to be an addict.

357girl

Thank you Winnie & Done WI .... wonderful reading, both responses, thank you. I will leave now and enjoy my trip in the mountains. Feeling better and signing off for today.