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Lies, lies, lies

Old 03-20-2009, 07:56 PM
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Lies, lies, lies

I know I have been thru this with my abrother so many times, but the crazy lies make me feel sad in a profound way. I understand the lying about using, whereabouts and such. But the crazy lies get to me. Him telling his friend he has a 7 year old daughter in another country, and making the story so believable. Saying he owned a business - things that could be verified sooner or later. It's so sad and pathetic. Is it like that for anyone else?
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Old 03-20-2009, 08:02 PM
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Sounds a little like narcissistic personality disorder....? Tied to addiction frequently... same with sociopathic disorder.....

Does he make himself grandoise? Does he fall quick and fast for people, then dismiss them when they show him love and affection?

I could be way off base.... but usually the kind of 'lies' you are describing are more tied to personality disorders - in my experience.

My abfs lies are just.... (why he has to be somewhere.... or why he was late.... etc. anything tied into the addiction so to speak.)

Love,
cess
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Old 03-20-2009, 09:44 PM
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After you wrote that, I googled and I think you might be on to something. At one time I thought he might be sociopathic, and read up on that, but then when he is sober, he seems so much better, I thought it was just the craziness of the active using and addiction.

Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) : DSM-IV Diagnostic Criteria

Something is just not right with him.

Last edited by BohemiMamaof3; 03-20-2009 at 09:45 PM. Reason: clarify
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Old 03-20-2009, 10:13 PM
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At one time I thought he might be sociopathic, and read up on that, but then when he is sober, he seems so much better, I thought it was just the craziness of the active using and addiction.
Sadly it is so hard to tell which came first when someone is struggling in active addiction. Does the drug cause the behavior or is the person using to try to self medicate? My own personal guess is that sometimes it's a little of both...there's self medication going on but all it does is make the behavior so much worse.

It is sad...we can't change it, but it is sad none the less
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Old 03-21-2009, 03:45 AM
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i have no experence with this. just want to say hello & keep coming back. there is alot of help here & understanding. prayers going up.
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Old 03-22-2009, 09:11 AM
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Although my 22 year old AS does not tell make up grandiose lies, he still lies. He has become a master deflectionist. He likes to tell me about the problems, addictions, lies, etc., of his father and others as well, but he is not like to discuss his addiction, lies and problems. So he deflects. I have heard enough and told him that I do not want to be a part of his self-inflicted, negative life. I told him to call me when his life starts moving in a positive direction and he becomes a productive citizen.
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Old 03-22-2009, 09:18 AM
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my son accuses me of lying all the time. But i'm about as honest as they come - in fact lies are the biggest thing that set me off. If i even try to tell a lie you can see right through me - even my parents still laugh at how easy it is to tell when i'm lying because it makes me nervous and fidgety. He on the other hand lives in such a web of lies that even he cant keep up with them.

Some of the lies he has told over the years have just left me dumbfounded - especially the one where he told everyone that he was trying so hard to get clean but i was always using and it was too hard living with me. He wanted the judge to let him live with his dad so he could get clean (when in fact his dad is an addict and lets him use - go figure.)
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Old 03-22-2009, 09:37 AM
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My oldest AD is a pathological liar. My contact with her is extremely limited.

I don't care to listen to it.
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Old 03-23-2009, 08:02 PM
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From one of the stickies: 4) Don’t analyze the loved one’s drinking or drug use. Don’t try to figure it out or look for underlying causes.
There are no underlying causes. Addiction is a disease. Looking for underlying causes is a waste of time and energy and usually ends up with some type of blame focused on the family or others . This “paralysis by analysis” is a common manipulation by the disease of addiction which distracts everyone from the important issue of the illness itself.


I just re-read one of the stickies and saw the above and was thinking of how it relates to my original post on this thread. I guess it's somewhat good and helpful to know what exactly we're dealing with. But in the end, there's so much sickness going on with ABro's addiction, what does it really matter if there's addiction AND a personality disorder. Since he's a grown man, and we are not involved with his treatment or decisions, there isn't much we can do, besides the protecting of ourselves and our boundaries that we are already doing.
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Old 03-23-2009, 08:15 PM
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Originally Posted by BohemiMamaof3 View Post
I know I have been thru this with my abrother so many times, but the crazy lies make me feel sad in a profound way. I understand the lying about using, whereabouts and such. But the crazy lies get to me. Him telling his friend he has a 7 year old daughter in another country, and making the story so believable. Saying he owned a business - things that could be verified sooner or later. It's so sad and pathetic. Is it like that for anyone else?
I read up on this, my xchgf is what is referred to as a chronic liar. She would lie, get caught, lie again, get caught, lie again. I noticed her stretching the truth about me-claiming I had experience in my sailing cv that I simply did not.

Don't know what the cause was, simply know that it isn't my problem and there's nothing I can do about it. At the end, wouldn't believe anything she told me were it only mildly implausible unless I actually knew it to be true.

Best example, last spring the local police called her about a drive-away without paying at a local gas station. She denied it, but I was wondering why the police would be calling her about it, and even though it didn't fit her pattern I was troubled. Turns out-I was there and heard the call-the police looked up her name and called the wrong person, there was another person with the same name that actually did the drive away.
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Old 03-23-2009, 08:28 PM
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Bohemimamaof3 Lying is one of the worst things that comes along with drug addiction. They seem to go hand in hand, like peanut butter and Jelly. Or pancakes and syrup. Not sure if the person is a liar first, or an addict first, but either way they can both be put in check if the person is willing to change. I know for me, I couldn't stand the lack of trust, when it came to my Ason. It's the one thing that really sent me over the edge. My mother used to say, she could stand a thief, but she couldn't stand a liar. Pray for your brother, to wake up, and live his life right. Miracles happen every day. Peace
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Old 03-24-2009, 09:48 AM
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Originally Posted by Angelic17 View Post
Bohemimamaof3 Lying is one of the worst things that comes along with drug addiction. They seem to go hand in hand, like peanut butter and Jelly. Or pancakes and syrup. Not sure if the person is a liar first, or an addict first, but either way they can both be put in check if the person is willing to change. I know for me, I couldn't stand the lack of trust, when it came to my Ason. It's the one thing that really sent me over the edge.
I hear ya! My Abrother, to the best of my recollection always had a lying problem. And he does tell the grandiose kind of lies - that make him look good, but he has also told them and made others (good people that were trying to help him) look bad. He says he owned a business, worked at a specific places, all lies. He once invented a total history as part of an out-patient program he was in where they had to write their biography. He didn't include our dad & mom and me in the bio, but made my hubby his brother, and had this whole story about them growing up without parents in another big city where he had never lived. His friend that was helping him most recently said "He made me care about these (invented) people!" He invented the daughter (gave her the same name as my dd) and her mom in the Philippines. He showed him pictures. Ugh and ewww where did he get them? It makes me feel so icky and sad. He really fits into all the traits that link to the Narcissistic Personality Disorder site has listed.

My mother used to say, she could stand a thief, but she couldn't stand a liar.
Mine says that too!

Pray for your brother, to wake up, and live his life right. Miracles happen every day. Peace
I do! And I have seen miracles happen in other situations. Sometimes it's just so difficult with him, and the same old stuff, year after year. "Lord, help thou my unbelief!"
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Old 03-24-2009, 03:41 PM
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All part of the addiction. The last time my son had relapsed I knew right away because the lies started. Never taking responsibility for his actions and always deflecting the blame. Its quite sad because there isnt a thing that comes out of his mouth that is believable. He tells people my vehicle is his,he owns a townhouse its quite sad.
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