Addiction has a voice
 

Picture a silhouette of his head ... now inside that head there are words just bouncing around in the emptiness of his mind ... and when he opens his mouth ... the dam breaks and verbal vomit carelessly spews forth without reservation and with the intent to wound, destroy and or kill ... Drug abuse desensitizes and dehumanizes the addict ... Addiction has a voice ... and its ugliness is revealed in the words and deeds of the addict ...

First move - They say something so out in left field it takes you off guard .. you are baffled ... before you can react a string of absolute bullshyte pours forth pulling the rug out from underneath your feet ... you start to fall and on your way down you get hit with a verbal blow that stuns you ... vile words are used to knock the air out of you ... hurtful ones come to kick you while your down ... Insults and cruelty follow in perfect timing ... snicker and blame enter soon after ...

Next move ... a loved one you hold dear is the prime weapon here
Fuel for the hell fire ... that loved one is verbally murdered right there in front of you ... your ears cannot escape the horror ... target words rivet your body and mind ... as verbal bullets blast your loved one apart ... bitterness and hatefulness are companions in this synchronized mayhem ...

Final move - The darkest of the dark .. from the heart of hell ... evil comes to ensure the kill and pukes up the most horrendous words that form the very sentence that takes you out ... cuts the throat of your soul and kills the heart of your spirit

and when all is said and done ... the addict just walks away as if nothing happened ...

You are left in the wake of the damage and destruction that comes with the territory of loving someone who has an addiction ...

Addiction has no conscious ... the addict becomes what addiction creates therefore he/she has no conscious either .. As the addiction progresses the person you once knew goes spiraling out of control .... descending to deeper levels ... further down the pit ... all the while ... being charred beyond recognition

The very thing the addict does to you is inadvertently being done to the addict via their addiction in the darkest form of evil you can imagine. Addiction assassinates the person of all they once were and turns them into a breathing zombie who is our worst nightmare

I guess it would be safe to say that what goes on inside the addict shows by what comes out of the addict - addiction mirrored in actions, words and behavior ....

It is so very hard to remember that the addict doesn't think, talk, act or behave like a "normal person" and even more important to remember they don't feel like a normal person and by that I mean their feelings and emotions are all being snuffed out ... all that is left is "CAN'T"

The addict can't even be there for themselves much less for anyone else ... and the one thing that you can count on is YOU CAN'T COUNT ON AN ADDICT ... They simply do not have the capacity to be there for you ..

The addict carries the cross of addiction around every where they go - addiction makes a person weak ...

The addict is our addiction therefore making us weak - it is a viscious cycle

Hardcore reality check = both addicts (you and him)are now spiraling down into the pit of addiction hell and both are being charred on the way down .. both beyond recognition.

Ever hear a recovering addict say "I can't believe what I became"
Ever hear a recovering co/dependent say, "I didn't even know who I was anymore and I didn't like the person I had become?" our brains are warping in the heat ... We're being charred in the pit .... ...

Crisis mode and Chaos is followed by excitement and adrenaline rush .. we become addicted to them .. our lifes seem dull and boring without them we're used to high drama living ... in times when it feels boring you might even find that you will create drama just spice things up a bit ...

but at the same time we complain about all the drama and chaos the addict has brought to our lives ... We begin expecting the addict to behave and act like a "normal person" ...

If you find yourself expecting your addicted loved one to do, say, act, feel or behave in a certain way .. then you can expect to be let down ...

Expectations = Disappointment .. disappointment feeds and breeds more negative thoughts and emotions from there the ball just keeps rolling ...

YOU CAN STOP THE BALL at any time - by learning to love YOU ... taking all that energy you have been investing into your addict = your addiction and putting into yourself ... Doing what is in your best interest and the things you enjoy ... taking back control of you and your life and making it what you want it to be instead of waiting for the addict to change to make you happy ... make yourself happy ... it is possible .. but it takes focusing on something other than the 'addict' ... even if it is getting something done that you've been putting off due to obsessing over the addict and their behavior ...

Do something for YOU ... take a bubble bath, do your hair, put on some makeup ... go to a movie, grab a bite to eat (one you don't have to make or cook) ... begin to be good to you ... you deserve it just as much as he/she does ... You got all this love to give and no one to give it to ... who better of a canidate for it than YOU ...

Doing for you will not come naturally ... it defys codependence totally ... and you might find that you don't want to do for you .. and it will take literally making yourself do for you .. and you might find you feel guilty ... like you've abandoned your addict ... all I can say is if you feel those feelings .. Good! Cause that means your on the right track LOL ... stay on it ... keep on keepin' on ... and before you know it ... You'll begin to like the person you see in the mirror .. she makes a great best friend .. she can even take you by the hand ... guide and walk with you as you journey down the road to loving yourself.

Freedom isn't free and change is an inside job ... both take hard diligent work, but the payoff is priceless.

Well, whatareya waitin' for? ... Get ta steppin' already! lol

****{Hugs}}}
Passion

nyte, I look forward to your posts, as always you inspire me :)

:c029: So many light bulbs going off... it may cause temporary blindness... Thank you!

I have read this post at least five times, I had my 16 year old daughter read it as well. Thank you so much for this.

Hi Nyte,
As always, thank you for your post. I know you have been thru so much, but your weath of information has helped so many. Thanks for being here for us!
Susan

WOW NYTE!!!

WHAT A POWERFUL POST!!!

That speaks to everyone who has an addict in their life. I too have read the post a few times. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

I will do something for myself today. You have inspired me.

Gotahavfaith
:c011:

Wow. That was powerful. It made me see that I have slid back into the pit to where I can't even stand my own reflection in the mirror. But, for not as long... so far.

yea it's a real light show alright....(((NP))))

NytePassion, thanks for that very interesting and accurate description about addiction. I am the mother of an addict son, and I was addicted to his recovery. I wouldn't even listen to Naranon when I first sat in. I was like no way!!! I am not going to not be there for my son. So, I did things my way. I took him in, I ran like crazy and did nothing for myself, and everything I possibly could to help my son. To make a long story short, I became an enabler, who was run down and sick, and my son did not get well. When I finally got fed up, and stopped doing everything for him. He finally started doing what he needed to do for himself. He is a few months clean now, and I know that can change so I don't take it for granted. But, I have learned to love the addict and hate the disease. Thank You for this post. It is so true, addiction does have a voice.

Hey everyone,
As i read all of your posts, I want to share a short story. When my oldest son was being belligerant @ the age of 19, (no drugs) thank god, but i went to a new gym and they asked me what my goal was. I laughed and said "I want to be able to throw my 6'2" son on the ground under the pine tree and pin him down". I thought the guys would bust. I am all 5'4" and he told me it was impossible. Which it was. But i still weight trained and was prepared if the situation would finally arrive.
I would like to reinterate that goal with my son now. I bet he would be surprised. Maybe that is what he really needs "my son"

You are the master! :You_Rock_

:ghug3

dsalonde, why don't you get his brother after him???????

NytePassion.........Thank YOU !!!!!

Thanks Nyte...You did it again!!...poured me a heartful of inspiration, beats Bud Light any day:)

I love this post, it blesses me so...very liberating..speaks to a lot of my situation so clearly...To me most all your posts are kind of a "mental smelling salts" to sober me from that "familiar sad and hopeless depression funk" that I fall into or get stuck in for days sometimes.

My Love and Hugs 2 U

I can always tell when one of my As are on a mission. I can here it in the way they speak. My H like to act like he is going to get something for me. He'll say don't you need some flour to cook dinner with tonight or let me run to the store for ya babe...most of the time he does not come back with what he said he was going for.

I also hate the attitude he has after a binge...

:ghug3 I read this this before I went to work eariler and I wanted to read it again when I got home..thanks