PaperDolls

I watched intervention on A&E. It was about a mother who was killing herself with alcohol and pills. It struck a cord in me and I cried like a baby.

My mom has been sober for 6 1/2 years and the pain still seems so fresh. I can remember stuff like it was yesterday. And even today, she does things that remind me of her drinking days and I cringe and feel the anger and resentment.

After my little breakdown last night I'm thinking I should give Alanon another shot. I am also an alcoholic and attend about 3 meetings a week. I've talked about her there sometimes and I'm not sure I need both AA and Alanon but I think I now the answer/advice I'll get.

It's been years and I'm still feeling this pain. She and I have a good relationship now. I don't understand why it's still so fresh.

Anyone else have a similar experience?

Callie

I found out about my AH's addiction about 4 years ago and I can still remember where I was sitting when he told me about the Oxy. Everything came into place @ that moment in time. All of the demons that *I* had been fighting or so I thought finally made sense. I knew I was fighting, but didn't know what it was. I have no answers for you, but it's still so fresh for me as well.

Just a thought...maybe it's still so fresh for you because you're actively doing what you hated her doing? Maybe if you were in recovery WITH her it would make a difference in how you felt. Addiction is a messed up disease that envelopes an entire family on some level.

winnie12

I dont necessarily think the pain ever goes away completely - instead I think it becomes a part of who we are but it just doesnt sting so much as time goes on.

We learn something from everything we experience but we learn the most from the difficult experiences - i believe that we are brought lessons repeatedly until we master them - maybe feeling those old feelings is a way to help you learn something that you need to learn right now.

Believe808

I lost my mother to alcoholism when I was 15, I would give anything to have her here with me today, but I guess the pain was just too much for her.
If your mom is sober, be thankful. I have learned that when the pain is too great, I need to Let Go.
Good luck

Astro

My Mom died years ago from cancer after a lifetime of smoking and drinking. Both she and my Dad were my drinking buddies, I wish her health had been better but I only have fond memories of Mom.

Dad's a slightly different story, although he gave up tobacco before I was born, he's an active alcoholic and has a history of heart issues, he's also very controlling, depressed, and manipulative. I love the man but struggle with our relationship, I can handle about an hour with him every week, then try to emotionally detach the rest of the time.

CoDA has been a huge help in my emotional recovery, it's shown me the tools and resources for detachment and boundaries in all my relationships, and it's shown me how to have healthy relationships with my loved ones. I look forward to the weekly meetings, and the literature is an indispensable part of my recovery, most of my meditations center around codependency issues.

"Letting go" is much easier when I have the background to understand why it's sometimes necessary.

Best to you Jen, I'm glad to see you working on this.

Chino

My therapist would smile at you and nod his head yes. We just talked about this very thing two weeks ago, though my mother isn't an addict.

When an old pain suddenly came up from out of nowhere, he reassured me it isn't because I didn't do the work to recover from it. He said it's a part of me and will always be there, but as long as I continue to face it and work through it, the pain won't be as great nor last as long.

It's true. The pain I felt two weeks ago was nothing compared to how I felt when stuff happened 29 years ago. And it lasted about 15 minutes instead of years like it did before.

Keep on keeping on, Dolls. It does get better

marle

My dad was an alcoholic who died from lung cancer in 1988. Two years ago when I went to counselling for my co-dependency, the therapist brought up a memory and I just started to cry. I had not thought about it for years but it was still there and it still hurt. I think that for me, I hated my dad as much as I loved him. I wish that he had lived longer because he quit drinking about 2 years before he died and I never really got a chance to know him sober before the cancer took him. Pain that is so fresh to you after so long means that you never really took the time to deal with it. I think Ala-non would be perfect for you. Give it a try. Hugs, Marle