Would like to introduce myself
 

Hello everyone. I've been lurking on these boards for the past 48 hours or so, soaking up as much info as possible. I'd like to thank all of you for being a part of what I can already tell is a wonderful and healing community.
A little background on myself (or rather why I'm here)...
my father is a lifetime alcohol abuser/addict and for the past five years has gone from prescription painkiller addiction to now valium. He promises to "cut down" and "get off" but is still using and I can tell. Very heartbreaking.
My (now ex) fiance' had a year in recovery and just recently fully relapsed to smoking crack. We were in couples therapy and doing (I thought) great and I discovered right before I went to take my GRE (the world is so kind...ha) that he had relapsed. I thought (and prayed and hoped, ever verb a codie can do) that it was a one time slip that would help him recommit to recovery but he has jumped back in with force and is slipping quick.

Now, I have matured a lot and realized many things since I found out he was an addict a year ago.
I know that it's not my fault he's in this mess. I know the three C's and I try my best to remember them. When we were in counseling and he was clean, we established a relapse plan. He told me that he hoped that I loved myself enough to leave the relationship should he ever return to using.
So that is what I did. Its so sad because I can't even return the ring to him. I'm scared he'll pawn it. (His parents contributed financially to the ring, otherwise I'd have to return it to him, its not my business what he does with his property.)

I've left him and of course he's "getting his act right." He has a sponsor and is in NA but continues to use. I'm sure he'll be out tonight or tomorrow night using but I'm learning to detach.
I guess what I'm asking from y'all (now that you know me better) :)
Is what was your breaking point? Looking back, what relief have you experienced since you found the strength to say "no more" and take care of yourself? How did you detach/let go/break off? What would you suggest?
I thank all of you for sharing your E, S & H.
I'm searching for a f2f meeting in my area and am making an effort to put me first. Its just hard when he's suddenly emailing me and calling (never did that when we were together...too busy using drugs and using me!!)
I am excited to focus on myself :c043: am looking for inspiration to know that I'm doing the right thing.
Thank you soooo much!!!:grouphug:

A very warm welcome breakingfree

I am sure you will gain a lot of knowledge and support from SR

You sound like you are on the right track and good on you-for focussing on yourself.

Everyone knows when they reach their breaking point. My biggest relief after detaching was experiencing 'peace' & less chaos!

Keep on reading, there are many experienced people at SR

Hugs

I'm sure far more experienced folk than I will be along soon, but I just wanted to say welcome and offer a hug for what you have been going through.

My fiance's adult son is an alcoholic/addict and was kicked out of the house after he threatened to kill nearly every member of the family, he brought a dealer to the house, a crack pipe was found in his room, he wouldn't get a job.........

My only understanding is that everyone reaches their own limit. Sounds like you have reached yours. Keep reading and keep posting!

Hugs, HG

Welcome to SR!! It's really good that you kept to your boundary and you are focusing on yourself. Just like the addict, we codies reach our own bottom, when enough is enough, each person is different. Keep reading, posting & continue to work on you!

Hugs,
Chris

welcome!!!! my son is my addict. i had enough when he came home the last time from prison after 18 yrs in & out. he did not come back to his home town & was doing good until his wife decided to go back to him. she lived in his home town & mine also. when he started trying to plese her & buy her everything by selling drugs that was my bottom. i knew i had to detach. he is back in prison 7-9 yrs. this time. run for the hills. my son d.o.c. is crack & it is h@@@ to get off off. read the sticky at the top of the forum. i know u want better than he can give. every relapse is worse than the 1st. prayers for you both,