kj3880

Don't you hate it when "helpful people" continually "update" you on your exabf's progress!!!

I know I do! Why do certain people in the fellowship feel the need to spread this mess? Everyone knows we have been broken up for almost 3 months now, yet some people just...can't leave it alone.

Everyone became aware through his actions that he was stalking me because eventually most people saw me turn my back on him and leave rooms when he tried to talk with me repeatedly before and after meetings.

So why would anyone think that I'd want a news update on his recovery progress? I know he's relapsed. But it's not my business when, why, or for how long. I'm sure that everyone already knows I know he relapsed, because he makes it quite obvious.

Why do people feel the need to continually bring this up to me? I'm doing so well. I just started a new meeting with 2 others and I have my one-year anniversary coming up in just 2 weeks, so there are certainly other good things to talk to me about if someone wants to connect with me after a meeting.

I just don't get it. I never would bring up an ex to someone continually like that, or tell them little news updates that are bound to upset them in public. Why do people do that?:wtf2 Anyone know?

KJ

suki44883

Some people haven't yet learned to MYOB.

Freedom1990

This is an area that I used to get myself into a lot of trouble over-when I assumed that people knew how to treat me, or that surely they would handle a situation exactly the same way that I would if I were in there shoes(ie tactful, respectfully, etc etc).

Darn it all to heck, they were human, just like me, which meant they were subject to error, and poor judgment at times. Sigh.

So, I had a couple of choices. I could take their inventory after the fact, which I often did early in my recovery, and I have no idea where my sponsor got so much patience to hang in with me through the years.

The other choice was to look at my part in the situation, ask myself is there anything I could do differently should the situation arise again, and in the end, that ended up being the better choice of the two.

:ghug

liesagain

congrats on your recovery!!!!

kj3880

Thanks, Cynical, I'm going to try that. I'm sure it'll p!ss some people off, but really, what were they expecting? I'm sure they know this upsets me, because it shows on my face anyway. So making me uncomfortable must have been what they were going for anyway. Or maybe just the human interest aspect of gossip?

KJ

Callie

I agree with Cynical, stop them mid sentence. They'll eventually all get the hint. If they don't you can borrow a line from my dd "talk to the booty, 'cause the hands off duty." Congrats on the upcoming year.

Serenity Bound

I agree, stop them mid-sentence. Congrats on your upcoming year.

sknyfats

I'm with the folks about cutting them off immediately. In my learning of my "codependancy" issues, I too often allowed behavior, actions, words, etc - to continue on even though I didn't care for it. Even little things like listening to someone talk about something I'm not interested in - or that I want to avoid for my own valid reasons is a lesson, and now, an opportunity for me to "act" in non-codependant ways.

I used to reason things out before and say I was "just being patient" or "nice" in letting other people talk or do whatever it was I didn't care for. Often, people would "commend me" on my "patience" at times they wouldn't have been able to have been so patient. Well, it wasn't patience I was exhibiting - it was tolerance - tolerance for things I didn't have to or want to tolerate. So now - when people bring up my ex AGF, I say "AH! I don't want to talk about her or know what she's up to. That chapter of my life is over with" and move onto talking about other things. I don't have to say anything more. People can think what they want - and will - and that's for them to do & worry about - not me. Ironically - the few times I've done that very thing - people have stopped - blinked their eyes in surprise - and said "Good for you!" and thing's like how I didn't need someone like her in my life, etc etc. Not what I expected - but reassuring nonetheless.

rose

I have no idea why people do that, but I do know that they have never walked in our shoes before, so they have no idea.

Onething that gets me is people that I happen to run into that I have not seen for years and they know what happened...first thing out of thier mouth is questions about it all.

Now I just say "I don't know where he is or what he is doing, you know it has been over 6 years now!'

Rose