codependency question
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Join Date: Mar 2009
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codependency question
sorry this is so long! And if there is a better place for this post let me know
Hello… I’m really not sure where I should begin but I figured it would be helpful to give some background on my self before asking my question.
I grew up in a small town where drugs were just about all there was to do. My sister while she lived here (and is doing perfectly well now and has been for many years) began using crystal meth, it was the big thing to do back in her day, as for my time in high school it moved from pills to heroin. Although I didn’t do these drugs I’d say roughly 40% of the people I did/should have graduated from high school with are now addicted or have died from a heroin overdose including a lot of my friends. At first I spent a lot of time helping these people, they were my friends of course. I’d take them to and from rehab go to NA with them, but regardless of how much time and effort I put into helping them things never got better and I eventually moved and dropped all contact with everyone I knew except for my parents.
My parents, who I can’t really think of any type of addiction they have, grew up in homes with addicts both of their fathers were alcoholics. My sister who was seeing a therapist for a while said she was an adult child of alcoholic parents.
And then my boyfriend who doesn’t have an addiction but grew up in a home with 2 drug abusing parents.
The reason for all this is because I read this post about codependency.
er... well it wont let me post it but its the stickied one about codependency.
It was unreal how well most of the descriptions had fit me.
Is it possible that because both of my parents grew up in homes with addiction that they passed their codependency habits a long to me which resulted in me finding a codependent relationship to be in ie my boyfriend. He also has most if not all of the codependency habits.
Is it likely that people who have this find someone who is also codependent and not just an addict?
:wtf2
Hello… I’m really not sure where I should begin but I figured it would be helpful to give some background on my self before asking my question.
I grew up in a small town where drugs were just about all there was to do. My sister while she lived here (and is doing perfectly well now and has been for many years) began using crystal meth, it was the big thing to do back in her day, as for my time in high school it moved from pills to heroin. Although I didn’t do these drugs I’d say roughly 40% of the people I did/should have graduated from high school with are now addicted or have died from a heroin overdose including a lot of my friends. At first I spent a lot of time helping these people, they were my friends of course. I’d take them to and from rehab go to NA with them, but regardless of how much time and effort I put into helping them things never got better and I eventually moved and dropped all contact with everyone I knew except for my parents.
My parents, who I can’t really think of any type of addiction they have, grew up in homes with addicts both of their fathers were alcoholics. My sister who was seeing a therapist for a while said she was an adult child of alcoholic parents.
And then my boyfriend who doesn’t have an addiction but grew up in a home with 2 drug abusing parents.
The reason for all this is because I read this post about codependency.
er... well it wont let me post it but its the stickied one about codependency.
It was unreal how well most of the descriptions had fit me.
Is it possible that because both of my parents grew up in homes with addiction that they passed their codependency habits a long to me which resulted in me finding a codependent relationship to be in ie my boyfriend. He also has most if not all of the codependency habits.
Is it likely that people who have this find someone who is also codependent and not just an addict?
:wtf2
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Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: limbo
Posts: 2,849
dev..........
Is it possible that because both of my parents grew up in homes with addiction that they passed their codependency habits a long to me which resulted in me finding a codependent relationship to be in ie my boyfriend. He also has most if not all of the codependency habits.
yes its possible. I'm not a professional but I am a codependent and neither one of my parents were alcholoics OR addicts...........I have come to realise that showhow somewhere I developed the codie part of me to cope. Was it may parents? maybe they had their own dysfunctions.........I wasnt abused. My parents did divorce.
I saw abuse or fighting as a kid...............who knows.
The end result for me, is something isnt and wasnt right and I am what I am and who I am and ONly I can change it so thats where I have to focus.....
Is it likely that people who have this find someone who is also codependent and not just an addict? Yes many addicts are also co-depend
stick around read the stickys and others will be along soon with support
and welcome to SR
Is it possible that because both of my parents grew up in homes with addiction that they passed their codependency habits a long to me which resulted in me finding a codependent relationship to be in ie my boyfriend. He also has most if not all of the codependency habits.
yes its possible. I'm not a professional but I am a codependent and neither one of my parents were alcholoics OR addicts...........I have come to realise that showhow somewhere I developed the codie part of me to cope. Was it may parents? maybe they had their own dysfunctions.........I wasnt abused. My parents did divorce.
I saw abuse or fighting as a kid...............who knows.
The end result for me, is something isnt and wasnt right and I am what I am and who I am and ONly I can change it so thats where I have to focus.....
Is it likely that people who have this find someone who is also codependent and not just an addict? Yes many addicts are also co-depend
stick around read the stickys and others will be along soon with support
and welcome to SR
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Kansas
Posts: 10,182
Yes, it is entirely possible. There is a long line of alcoholics/addicts on both sides of my family, but neither my mother or father are an alcoholic or addict.
I on the other hand ended up a raving addict/alcoholic/codependent. Thankfully I have been in recovery from all three for a few years now.
I on the other hand ended up a raving addict/alcoholic/codependent. Thankfully I have been in recovery from all three for a few years now.
remember to breathe
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: philadelphia pa
Posts: 1,280
My opinion.....
neither of my parents drank or did drugs. My brother died of a heroin overdose,(I never knew he even did it). my uncle and his 1 son were alcoholics and his other son a drug addict. Other than those 3, noone in my family on either side even drank much. So with that being said, I think my codependency comes from having an inferriority(sp) complex as as a young kid. Believe it or not it stems from being teased for being a redhead. I needed to always make people like me so I did or said things to make others feel better and if they felt good they would have to like me. (my way of thinking).
I think a female is born with the codependent capability. Not to lighten up on a codie dad or male I should say, but a mother for instance is unconsiously taught to take care of their loved ones. It is up to the individual to learn from the people around them and feel good about themselves in order to not over do it on the enabling stuff.
Just my opinion
neither of my parents drank or did drugs. My brother died of a heroin overdose,(I never knew he even did it). my uncle and his 1 son were alcoholics and his other son a drug addict. Other than those 3, noone in my family on either side even drank much. So with that being said, I think my codependency comes from having an inferriority(sp) complex as as a young kid. Believe it or not it stems from being teased for being a redhead. I needed to always make people like me so I did or said things to make others feel better and if they felt good they would have to like me. (my way of thinking).
I think a female is born with the codependent capability. Not to lighten up on a codie dad or male I should say, but a mother for instance is unconsiously taught to take care of their loved ones. It is up to the individual to learn from the people around them and feel good about themselves in order to not over do it on the enabling stuff.
Just my opinion
Member
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Home of the Ravens-MD
Posts: 1,316
My parents were neither alcoholics or addicts, but somehow, someway, I became a codie. Maybe because I was the middle child, and the first born (a son) was just that and then the baby (a girl) was just that. There was no specialty for me the middle child. (and we are all 10 yrs apart) So I guess I felt that to be special I had to be likable....and all the codie things that go into that.
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