Living with a recovered addict and present concerns

Old 03-13-2009, 12:10 PM
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Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Hammond, Indiana
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Unhappy Living with a recovered addict and present concerns

I am living with my s/o boyfriend for 6 years and we are in an ongoing 9 year relationship.

I have been there for him and struggled along with him to get to the point we are at now.

He has been clean for two years from cocaine addiction along with alcohol.

We have neighbors in our apartment below that have lifestyles less then ones we welcome in our lives. There is no proof, however; the last 9 month's my s/o addict has gone through hell, and put himself and myself through bad times due to what he "assumes" they are using in the apt.

I do not smell chemicals or smoke that might be from drugs. He does. We have a bedroom that he is in a lot and uses as a computer room and sleeps in there the last year. We do not share a bed at night due to physical problems we both have and need the room.

It is a nightly battle that he has and shares with me that he smells drugs coming through the vent. I do not, however;smell smoke once in a while which I am used to with apt. living.

He has told the landlord and the landlord finally moved them out. They were moved into another bldg right by ours as he wants his rent. I feel he did us a favor getting them out.

They were having loud parties
They were blasting their tv and stereo
They were in and out constantly
Or hiberating and not going out at all.
They had a lot of company in and out, many less then "nice" appearing
I heard all that
I viewed all that
I do not smell drugs and never have.
He insists they were doing this and it has jeopardized his recovery !!!
He is angry at me for not saying every single day, just about that I smell them using drugs.
I am so stressed out and so is he.
Now that they are gone he still thinks they are walking here and coming back into the empty apartment that has not been started on to rehab for a new tenant yet. The landlord has said he would re-key, I even asked him to after my s/o called him several times and it was not done.
What next? I tell him we cannot make the landlord do anything he does not want to
I tell him to let go of this, they are OUT !!!!
For heaven's sake, what can I do to help us both.
No, I do not want to move, I have had a lot of surgery and have severe orthopedic issues, I am settled here and will only move if forced.
At this point he does not want to either, we both like the apt.
Help, thanks
JANDJ2 is offline  
Old 03-13-2009, 12:18 PM
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it's a movie, you're the star
Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 355
Hey! Thank you for sharing your story on here! I would definitely suggest some couples counseling, as you two have been together for so long and clearly have a lot of love for each other. Maybe the lack of successful communication is tiring the two of you out?
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Old 03-13-2009, 12:27 PM
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Location: Kansas
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I don't know what to recommend. You say the tenants have been moved out of that particular apartment.

Your boyfriend has been 'clean/sober' for two years. I don't get what his problem is.

I'm a recovering addict, and meth was my drug of choice.

There have been several meth addicts in my neighborhood because unfortunately my landlord will rent to almost anyone, and his crappier rentals (several of which are on my block) seem to go to those people.

It has absolutely no bearing on my life nor does it jeopardize my recovery.

I mind my own business.
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Old 03-13-2009, 12:28 PM
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Hmmm? I don't know the answer here. Could it be paranoia? Gosh, what a terrible predicament.

Is this the first time he has experienced this kind of thing? Maybe he really did smell something. I know my husband has a very keen sense of smell, whereas, I don't.

I don't know what to suggest as you can't just up and move because the neighbors are not nice. This is what I hated about living in apartments. Too many bad influences; however, this doesn't mean you have to associate with them either. Not that you did, just saying.

Wish there was something I could suggest, but don't know other than counseling.

Hope in time he'll be able to move on.

Hugs, Devastated
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Old 03-13-2009, 10:09 PM
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What about one of the portable air filters, a nice one, that filters out smells? You could turn it on before you go in for an hour. Maybe that would help?

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