I'm new here.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Texas
Posts: 18
I'm new here.
I don't know where to start. I've been researching and crying all day. Lastnight I picked up a pair of my husbands jeans he left on our bedroom floor. A needle and a very mini yellow tinted ziploc type bag fell to the floor, my heart right along with them. In the bag is a brownish looking substance. What do I do? This is very unlike him. My heart is so heavy. I'm pregnant with our first baby, due in October. I'm so upset. How did this happen? I'm a good person, I'm good to him, take care of the cooking, cleaning, laundry, grocery shopping, writing out the bills and so on. I just don't get it. I wonder if he will ask me if I found anything in his jeans. I just don't know what to do. I'm so hurt.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
Welcome to SR!
I'm sorry for what brought you here. Is this the first you've known of any drug use by your husband?
Unfortunately, the first thing I have to say, is not going to be easy to hear. He will probably deny it is his. Addicts do that, even if they are caught red handed. Addicts will often share needles, regardless if they SWEAR they don't. PLEASE consider, very seriously, using protection during sex. This is YOUR life and the life of your unborn child you are talking about. We are talking about HIV and hepatitis, both which can be transmitted from needles.
I'm really sorry to have to say all this in my first post, but I feel it's very important.
This is a wonderful site, and there are some terrific people here, with ES&H (experience, strength, and hope). I'm a recovering addict, and also have A's (addicts) in my life.
I hope you keep reading and posting. You're not alone, sweetie.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
I'm sorry for what brought you here. Is this the first you've known of any drug use by your husband?
Unfortunately, the first thing I have to say, is not going to be easy to hear. He will probably deny it is his. Addicts do that, even if they are caught red handed. Addicts will often share needles, regardless if they SWEAR they don't. PLEASE consider, very seriously, using protection during sex. This is YOUR life and the life of your unborn child you are talking about. We are talking about HIV and hepatitis, both which can be transmitted from needles.
I'm really sorry to have to say all this in my first post, but I feel it's very important.
This is a wonderful site, and there are some terrific people here, with ES&H (experience, strength, and hope). I'm a recovering addict, and also have A's (addicts) in my life.
I hope you keep reading and posting. You're not alone, sweetie.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Kansas
Posts: 10,182
I am so sorry, and can only imagine what a shock that was to you. I can hear the pain in your voice.
Don't take his addiction personally. It has nothing to do with you, hon, and everything to do with him.
I am a recovering addict, but I was also married to an active addict, an IV drug user (as was I). I thought if I loved him enough, was kind enough, was patient enough, you can add to the list all you want, that he would change.
The truth was, he didn't want to change.
Please listen to what Amy told you about taking precautions with sex.
While I was in rehab, my then husband was sharing needles with someone else and contracted HIV. Had I gone back home after I got out of rehab, I would have gotten it too.
He was buried two years ago at the age of 47, complications from AIDS.
Please keep posting and know you are among friends. :ghug :ghug
Don't take his addiction personally. It has nothing to do with you, hon, and everything to do with him.
I am a recovering addict, but I was also married to an active addict, an IV drug user (as was I). I thought if I loved him enough, was kind enough, was patient enough, you can add to the list all you want, that he would change.
The truth was, he didn't want to change.
Please listen to what Amy told you about taking precautions with sex.
While I was in rehab, my then husband was sharing needles with someone else and contracted HIV. Had I gone back home after I got out of rehab, I would have gotten it too.
He was buried two years ago at the age of 47, complications from AIDS.
Please keep posting and know you are among friends. :ghug :ghug
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: delta,bc, canada
Posts: 83
Amy is right, expect the lies. I am a firm believer that everything is revealed to us when we need to see it. As much as it hurts please understand that many of us have been through what you are going through right now, and know the astonishment and pain. It really is a shock, but equally it needs to be accepted.
My ex is a crack addict. He came home from a three day binge, said nothing about where he was or why he was gone. Had a shower. As the good wife I went to put his laundry in the hamper. I pulled out a used crack pipe from his shirt pocket. Left it on the dresser. When he came out of the bathroom he yelled, where did this come from? Standing in the kitchen I rolled my eyes, yelling back, well it's mine, I just didn't have a place to keep it. That is how ridiculous it has and will become.
He then said, I am throwing this out! Well, I checked and it never made it to the garbage can. Addiction is an insidious and baffling disease. Learn what you can. You have our ears and our hearts with you and you have done the right thing in reaching out.
Jan
My ex is a crack addict. He came home from a three day binge, said nothing about where he was or why he was gone. Had a shower. As the good wife I went to put his laundry in the hamper. I pulled out a used crack pipe from his shirt pocket. Left it on the dresser. When he came out of the bathroom he yelled, where did this come from? Standing in the kitchen I rolled my eyes, yelling back, well it's mine, I just didn't have a place to keep it. That is how ridiculous it has and will become.
He then said, I am throwing this out! Well, I checked and it never made it to the garbage can. Addiction is an insidious and baffling disease. Learn what you can. You have our ears and our hearts with you and you have done the right thing in reaching out.
Jan
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Texas
Posts: 18
I really feel like an idiot. I really thought I knew who this man really was when I married him. I am not aware of any addiction or alcoholism in his family. I guess it has to start somewhere if there's no history of it. By any means, I am not down grading anyone who has or had an addiction problem with my own naiveness. This is a huge slap in the face to me, as if I've been walking around with blinders on. I now have to face the reality of him giving something to me, baby or both. How embarrasing! I don't even know how to bring this up to my doctor!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
First of all, YOU have nothing to be ashamed of, so just be honest with your doctor. Remember...you did not cause this.
I know this is a whole lot to absorb and it's pretty much impossible to wrap your head around all this at one time. Just keep coming here, vent, ask questions..whatever you need to do...we're here for ya!
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
I know this is a whole lot to absorb and it's pretty much impossible to wrap your head around all this at one time. Just keep coming here, vent, ask questions..whatever you need to do...we're here for ya!
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Texas
Posts: 18
I'm not going to confront him about this, not yet anyway. He isn't here to do so right now. Besides, I'm just drained by this. It really is a lot to take in. I set his things on his bathroom counter top where he leaves his wallet, loose change and anything else that's usually in his pockets. Thanks for all of the wonderful replies, I can see this is going to be a lot to learn for me.
welcome to SR!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Texas
Posts: 18
Well, I want to start out by thanking everyone for their kind words. By any means, this hasn't been easy and I'm still trying to absorb it all. I have my monthly ob visit tomorrow so I will be talking to my doctor about the possibility of contracting something from my husband. Which I'm having a hard time with. I'm trying to keep from feeling overwhelmed by this and its tough. My husband came home rather late lastnight, almost 2am on a work night, I was in bed and awake, as I have found myself in tears more often than not since I've taken it upon myself to better educate myself on the surprises in his jeans the other night. I know, I sound very uneducated on this and that's because I really am. My parents did their best to educate us when we were young. I guess a big part of this falls upon myself as well. Is it happening too late? I have a lot of questions and so very much to learn! One thing I've seen here often on SoberRecovery is "Just for today" so today I am focusing on making it through today and finding the strength to speak to my ob without feeling humiliated. So I want to thank everyone again for your kind words and advice.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: in my own world~
Posts: 1,237
Hi Soulsearchin~~ I just wanted to stop and say "Welcome" to the grandest site you could have found. My problem was with my son and this place taught me so much. We're doing Ok here. My heart aches for you but your on your way to wisdom just being here. Your Dr. will help you deal with this~and with some help and therapy~~~and the guy upstairs~~~I sure hope things work out for you....Hugs and smiles, Bonnie
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