Godsgirl

Hi all,

I've been a member here for 5 years and have a question. I have been around the "no-contact-take-him-back" mountain 500 million times it seems, learning more each time. Four months ago abf relapsed on what I think is meth, not sure..just notice his weight loss, sweaty vinegar odor. He is a polysubstance abuser/alcoholic, also as sad as it sounds, he is the love of my life. About 2 weeks ago, he and I were playing around with each other's cell phones. He told me "go ahead check it"...of course I told him I'm sure he erases everything before he visits....so I was checking and there was a phone number under the "notes" section of "Messages Received" menu. I waited til he was not looking, took the phone with me when running an errand and called the number(he did not know I saw at the time). Some street name with the word "Boy" in it was in the recorded message. I assumed immediatly it was a dealer.

So cutting to the chase, I confronted him, he threw the phone, became angry and left. We had exchanged abusive e-mails with each other about our ex spouses with comparing his to mine and so forth. I decided this was the last straw and enforced another do not contact 2 weeks ago, a week after which time he told me "that was my weed man". Since then, I have violated the no contact rule by answering a couple of e-mails....one from today which read:

"All I want is to be loved by you, no one else can even begin to feel the way I do. I dont ask for much, just to be loved by you, i dont ask for your time, i dont ask for your opinions,i dont ask for your poccessions, just your love"

My translation: All I want is to be loved by you because I know you are the one who really loves me even when I could care less about all the heartache and anxiety crap I have put you through. I dont want you to contact me either, but all I am asking is that you continue to love me while I continue screwing around with drugs and alcohol and hanging around and/or having sex with people who do the same.

What does he really mean?? Is my translation correct (my gut tells me it is correct). He knows I mean business this time and is starting to get gooey with the quackery...yes I'm angry..and yes I still love and miss him at the same time. At any rate I did end the reply with letting him know I love him but will no longer tolerate someone with his behavior in my life...he does not seem to want help and has given me an ultimatum I have finally answered....I'm out...no more wasting my life.

So now, it seems my hardest task is not reading or replying to his e-mails. Everything else is okay as time goes on. He lives 5 minutes away and I want to stalk and drive by to see if his car is out there...but so far..so good, I've only done it once. His sister with 3 kids moved out last Sunday, so I'm thinking he is going to be probably using more often.

At any rate...thanks for any replies and for being here :wtf2

Impurrfect

((Godsgirl))

In all honesty, there's no telling what he really means. I gave up, a long time ago, on trying to figure out what people mean.

I'm not trying to make light of this, but I was guilty of the same...I would expect him to know what I meant, but wasn't being clear, and he would get mad, then the situation would reverse.

Bottom line is, is this what you want in a relationship? Are you happy with things the way they are? Is he showing signs of anything improving (ACTION)?

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

cece1960

I can't offer much in the way of translating what he means, but I can give you what I've come to know as love:
"Love" is a verb...not a noun, a proclamation, or an abstract thing.
You show love in your actions, not in your words.

(((Hugs)))

livingalie

Hi honey.

I stopped a long time ago trying to figure out what he meant by what he said. I just ook it as his way of making me feel guilty - for what, I don't know. But our relationship has been so full of guilt (from him) it rocks my head.

Just remember, he's an addict and has no desire to stop. If he did, then he would show it, like cece said, with his actions.

It's tough, but we'll get through it.

You have my love and support!

outtolunch

Block him or change your email address.

But you already knew that, didn't you?

AWEDA

After 20 plus years of trying to figure out what my AH meant with all the things he said and did,

I stopped looked at myself and said what the hell is wrong with ME that I am allowing someone to treat me like this.

That was the day my life changed....

I finally began to understand everything.

colettely

When I was active I was seeing this guy who I thought I fell in love with (still think I do) anyway he broke up with me.we both worked together at the time in the bar and I saw he was moving on etc. and it was always in the back of my mind that we would get back together when I realised that it wasn't going to happen I started to resent him and made him feel quiltly where I could for him "destroying" my life now that I am sober it's the biggest regret I have from my drinking and I still find it hard to forgive myself for putting him through that but don't regret us breaking up because I believe everything happens for a reason and the reason for us breaking up was for me to end up in rehab. I think you need to ignore him and his emotional blackmail letters and move on and let go completely like my ex did even if it is hard to do it would be worth it in the end for yourself (and maybe even for him down the line.) I hope I have helped in some way (sometimes I think I sound like my head is up my arse)

Godsgirl

Yes indeed, all of the above replies are very helpful. I'm not gonna keep making myself more nutty by trying to figure out what he means...actions do speak louder than words...for all I know he may have been doing shameful activities the night before he wrote that so....yeah think I better raise the bar to the ceiling and stop answering e-mails. His words really sound selfish anyway....as if he just wants to know that I am having a meltdown over him and turning into a sobbing and slobbing pile of mush while he continues doing whatever...but actually I'm doing better than I expected.

At any rate, thanks to all for being here.

nytepassion

I'm an addict (a recovering one) but in my active addiction I sang the song he's now singing to you. I know this tune all to well ... Let me break it down in my language.

All I want is to be loved by you cause no one else would put up with my crap the way you do. I don't ask for much just for you to turn a blind eye to my drug use. I don't ask for your time (because then I'd have to give you mine) I don't ask for your opinions (cause I don't want to hear what you think or how you feel about the things I do or don't do) I don't ask for your posessions (cause I can't smoke, shoot or snort them) all I want is your codie love the kind that enable me, rescues, fixes, pays for, bails out, do for me what I can't seem to do for myself and pretent every thing is okay. All I want is for you to let me mold, fashion and shape you into the image of what makes me happy who cares about what you want or the hell I put you through. All I want is you and my drugs too cause then I could have my cake and eat it too.

"ssssssshhhh - don't talk/think, just sit there, look pretty and do what you do best = ME!"

Ahhhh, yes in the perfect world of an addict that would be the life ... who could want more?

I'm glad you are in your own recovery and making a life for yourself because the one above is a miserable one.

Keep on keepin' on sister, you're headed in the right direction ^5


Passion

justanothrdrunk

Smells like good ol' manipulation to me. Just my opinion...

kj3880

I say, who even cares what he means??? Make your life about you and what you mean. Much more meaningful!

Love,
KJ

Godsgirl

Wow Nyte...I don't think I could get a better translation...as serious as this matter is..I even chuckled a bit through my misery....but I believe what thats what he means in a nutshell....Thanks so much...this means a lot to me.