what's changed?
 

has anyone ever had an addict stop using, not attend any type of program, but witness some of the same irrational choices? My ad is looking at 5 yrs, as a condition of her 3 yrs. probation, so she says that's what keeps her clean. She is moving 60 mi. away to start a job so has been staying with me for the last 5 days. She stayed at her so called xabf last nite, the nite before she stayed at her other xbf (who 4 days ago threw all her stuff out in the yard) Last nite it was with the guy who was her crack buddy for 4 yrs (very crazy relationship) The last few days I ask myself "so what's changed?" I do want to tell her al long as you are staying in my home,you will also sleep here, I'm not a day lounge. or do I just keep my mouth shut and be thankful it's only 2 more days?

addicts don't hang out with dealers and other users and not use

It has been my experience that "wherever you go, there you are." If she is moving away but is not working a program of recovery, then she's doing what we call a geographical cure. It's the idea that things are not working here, so I'll move over there and it will get better. In my world, all that means is his address has changed. The problem moves with him wherever he goes, since the problem is within HIM.

You can make changes and set boundaries, and it could be a good exercise for you even if she's only going to be there a few more days. It shows that YOU have changed as you've found your own recovery, and you can establish the new ground rules for if/when she comes to live with you again.

Mom hugs.... this mom stuff ain't for weenies.

I second the 'geographical cure'
We have moved 8 times in 3 1/2 years-buying, selling & renting houses up and down our country (Scotland).....nothing got better! - the problem is STILL with my ABF! After his recent relapse, I was expecting the packing boxes to come out!- but he has finally realised that the geographical cure doesn't work for him & is staying put.

not good to hear she is hanging out with old using buddies.

Sounds like she is looking for someone or something to rescue her from reality.
Chances are, she will find it, if she tries hard enough.

It does not matter what you do or not, she is doing what she wants to do.

she is moving as she can't get a job here. she is a convicted felon since last June. its a small town and her reputation is set. A high school frien moved 1 1/2 yrs ago to "get away" from the crack use. she claims to be clean since and is working as a supervisor so she got ad a job. her friend did not go to rehab, just moved. I know about the "moves" as my sister did the same thing but went through many programs. still uses

(((Katie))) - I did stay clean, for the better part of a year, but wasn't in recovery. I worked, paid bills, but was pretty miserable. I also still held onto the idea that I could use again, at some point, but would be able to "control it". It took my relapse to prove me wrong.

My program of recovery isn't one I'd recommend to most..I mostly depend on SR and the friends I've made here, along with some people who've known me most of my life. I don't go to meetings, but I did, at one time, and I use what I learned there. If what I'm doing, today, stops working, I will get to a meeting in a heartbeat.

It works for me, because I want recovery more than anything. Just being clean didn't work. I also moved away from where I was using, but I did it because that's where I got locked up. It just so happened, that I got locked up in the same area where my dad/stepmom live, so here I am.

She'll figure it out when she gets tired of being miserable. Having the same behaviors, but not using, does NOT make us very happy. Most of us either go back to using, and hit bottom eventually, or we find recovery...I hope she finds recovery.

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

thanks impurrfect! addiction is a horrible thing for either side to go through, but I have a deep respect for the addict who can put their experience to positve use by helping others, like me, who need and want the help. Thanks you

Must be tough to see the chaos of her life.

No need to try and control it...you know by now that you are powerless over her choices.