making it through tonight
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: south jersey
Posts: 80
making it through tonight
(sorry, i also posted this in another forum)
i made it through last night. i decided to work my overnight job to occupy myself. i woke up thinking, chill....you can hit it tonight. that voice is calling. it's been so long, it misses me. whats one night? i can forget my name tonight, slip inside the fanasty world of music and completely lose myself. hell, that is what i did before i got back with my now exgf.
but, i have had a taste of sobriety and i am glad another voice tells me that i will have to start from day one again. i can make it a little further. read tonight when i get home from hanging with my friends.
then that sets ofa trigger. yeah. sit around alone in my house reading, when just two weeks ago i had a gf to crawl in bed with. a body to wake up next to. it triggers this new lonliness. my adictions filled that lonliness for years i am starting to learn. i have not been apart from it for years, except for when i was with this girl 9 months last year and just recently the past 5 months. when i am with her the voice goes away. maybe i focus on her issues. i let her sit around using, as i reach for intimacy.
she is out of the picture, which is for the best, but i am left with a void. it must be filled properly. then i think, she has no void to fill. she has her addiction, she has her enabler, i have nothing. the voice calls- you have me.
just make it through tonight
i made it through last night. i decided to work my overnight job to occupy myself. i woke up thinking, chill....you can hit it tonight. that voice is calling. it's been so long, it misses me. whats one night? i can forget my name tonight, slip inside the fanasty world of music and completely lose myself. hell, that is what i did before i got back with my now exgf.
but, i have had a taste of sobriety and i am glad another voice tells me that i will have to start from day one again. i can make it a little further. read tonight when i get home from hanging with my friends.
then that sets ofa trigger. yeah. sit around alone in my house reading, when just two weeks ago i had a gf to crawl in bed with. a body to wake up next to. it triggers this new lonliness. my adictions filled that lonliness for years i am starting to learn. i have not been apart from it for years, except for when i was with this girl 9 months last year and just recently the past 5 months. when i am with her the voice goes away. maybe i focus on her issues. i let her sit around using, as i reach for intimacy.
she is out of the picture, which is for the best, but i am left with a void. it must be filled properly. then i think, she has no void to fill. she has her addiction, she has her enabler, i have nothing. the voice calls- you have me.
just make it through tonight
Member
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Reality......
Posts: 735
Nothing absolutely nothing outside of yourself can fill a void in YOU.
There is no easy way out of that one. You need to look inside of yourself and figure out what you can to do fill the void that doesnt involve another person, place or thing.
There is no easy way out of that one. You need to look inside of yourself and figure out what you can to do fill the void that doesnt involve another person, place or thing.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 1,888
Good part of the night now gone, Steve. How are things?
Hope you're well, chilling in a healthy way.
Got cable? Like movies? There are some good ones on right now.
Watch Shutter with me. Scary movies are a good distraction for me.
Alice
Hope you're well, chilling in a healthy way.
Got cable? Like movies? There are some good ones on right now.
Watch Shutter with me. Scary movies are a good distraction for me.
Alice
Administrator
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: a better place
Posts: 4,047
There's a lot of fellowship at meetings, Steve. Places like NA or AA or Naranon or Alanon aren't just about talking about recovery. There's a social network of people who understand and you don't have to feel lonely. Hugs
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