mooselips

Pardon me if this gets long, but I have to get this out on paper and maybe I'll feel better.


Called my grandsons mommy this a.m.
SHE tried to call my AS but it was only 10:30 a.m. and he didn't answer.
(asleep I'm sure)
Told her we'd meet her at the house later, if that's okay.

Called son, at about 12 p.m.
Is Gf and baby coming home?
Don't know.
Haven't talked to her yet.
Me: Hmmmm
Well let me know, we're going to stop over with port a crib and stuff.
Him: yeah, okay.

Now mind you, I'm still agitated slightly over his clothing at the hospital.
35 years old. Big baggy pants, skull cap thing on his head, crummy T shirt. Tattoos from one end to the other. and he hasn't any teeth. (altho we did pay for him to have the extractions, he promised he's get the dentures.) He looked about 17 years old. Maybe, 14.
It's one thing I can't get over is his appearance. Call me vain, or whatever, but for Pete's sake........dress NICE.

He calls me back.
She's not coming home... baby jaundice.
I say okay.

He says she's crazy.
I say: how so?
He said she's bi polar and needs meds.
I say" nope, not now she doesn't, she's a nursing mom.

(altho' I'm sure he says SHE'S crazy, cause she wants him to step up to the plate, get a job, and stop playing video games, ya think?)

Meanwhile he starts arguing with me, and hangs up on me, and then calls back and apologized.
I did say, an angry home is NOT a place to bring a new baby.

I am feeling so sorry for this tiny wee little baby.
This Boy/Man is NOT father material.
He's a sponge.
He's sober, but still a teenager in his head.

It took years of Alanon to detach and mind my own business, after all he IS supposedly an adult.
But I cannot ignore a helpless baby.

Thanks all
I feel a bit better........Ahhhhhhh

Hangin' In

Aw, Moose. I hate this for you, for them and the baby.

So we know the deal. He's sober/clean but he's not recovering. Bad place to be and I imagine he hates it worse than we do. He just isn't at the point where he'll do anything about it, I guess.

We also know about that "emotional maturity" thing, so he's acting like his emotional age. I understand totally and would have to bite my tongue to keep from saying something about the clothes (which we know is minor in the big picture but bugs the heck out of us moms). You know I'm biting my tongue with AD and her upcoming marriage to the guy who is probably about 16 emotionally.

Best thing I can do when I start to think about all of this too much is to get myself back in today. I do know you have a new grandbaby in the picture which makes this a totally different ballgame and I agree with you ... he is an innocent little thing who doesn't deserve this.

You are a wonderful, recovering grandma and I am so grateful Aiden has you in his life. Been thinking a lot about grandbabies lately and I'm figuring my role is to be the best influence I can be because I don't think others might "share" recovery like I will. That is one thing I can do.

I'll pray that your HP will help you as you are trying to figure out your role in this new situation. I do know that Aiden will be blessed by you and Mr. Moose being his grandparents.

Wish I could have the magic answer for you, but you have my prayers and support. If you need to vent, gimme a buzz...

Hugs,
Hangin' In

Done_With_It

****{Moose}}}

MrsMagoo

I am so sorry. This is supposed to be such a happy time for you and I'm sure you were hoping deep in your heart that maybe something would "click" with your son now that he's a dad. You know that just because your body is cable of doing grown up things (like procreating) does not mean your mind is going to line up.

Hopefully it will "click" soon and save you a bunch of frustration. You have the tools and the skills. Just be the best grandma ever.

splendra

Oh sweetie

I know it don't look good right now. Be as supportive as you can be without getting too codie. It is pretty natural for you to want to see your grandchild and shower him with gifts so I don't think you will go over the edge.


Besides we all know the baby has the best Gma in town so I know it will be alright.

Hugs and prayers going out.(((((((((((((((((((((BIGHUGS)))))))))))))))))) ))))))

Chino

We own a construction company and I'm used to seeing guys at their worst. I noticed it never bothers me when I know the person inside is doing their job, is a decent person. My RAD's appearance is quirky, funky, original and elegant when she's clean, but put her in the same clothes when she's having a tantrum or using and she looks like crap. The insides of a person affect my perception of everything.

Ann

Awww, Moose, I wish I could be as wise as Hangin' and others here, because I really do understand how you feel. We want so much for our sons, and maybe just looking human would be a good start....not that any of this is ours to own, but mama to mama, I "get' it.

So, no wise advice from me...but a possible solution.

Just cut out this picture of Wally Cleaver out and paste it inside your glasses so that when you look at your son, you see this face smiling back at you instead....



You're a dear friend and I love you, Moose. Don't thank me...it's the least a friend can do.

Angel09

All the best, (((hugs))) and Bless you. I am so sorry this is happening.

My sister dresses that way when not working now. When at her old job, she even dressed in the same attire while working. She still believes herself to be younger in mind and appearance (facially) than everyone else, and says it directly in an embarrassing fashion. She thinks like the old teenaged/twenties addict still. I watch it, recognize it. There are other changes which are new to me and make me uncomfortable because I don't understand them so as time goes by I just wait and see. She has made progress but it has been in her life for so long, I'm just enjoying this "better time" while it lasts. I just cannot assume forever with her. She hasn't changed fully, anyway.

Never forget to care for yourself through this!!!!!! You are important to yourself and to those who love you and care for you!

marle

My daughter has big boobs and thinks that those little spaghetti tank tops are okay to wear. I swear sometimes her boobs are going to pop right out. The last time that she went up to her Suboxone doctor I told her it might be wise to zip her hoodie all the way up. The old doc might just have a heart attack if she doesn't. Most of the time I just try to keep my mouth shut as hard as it is to do. Just remember that the thing that bugs you about your son may be the thing that his son will love about him. We just can never know what the future will be. But you are a grandmother now and I am sure that you will do what you need to do to make sure that grandbaby is loved and cared for. It is okay, after all, to spoil the crap out of our grandchildren. In fact, I believe it is written in bold print in our Codie Manual. Hugs, Marle

mooselips

As you all have already guessed, it's just not about the clothes.

I'm sure if he had the maturity level of a 35 year old man, he would dress accordingly.

It's just the immaturity that really ticks me off.





I'm eating so many jujubees, my crowns are going to pop off.


Does anyone know how I can subliminally suggest a vasectomy?

katie53

Hi mooselips, I know how you feel about maturity. my 34 yr. old ad is at the same level as her 14 yr. old daughter. when I hear but don't see, I could swear that its my gd and her school friend!! Yes, she's clean but is not working any program. Tonight she says "I don't have any luck with men" Well, she picks some real dandys, jobless, parole, restraining orders. The last one was 45 yrs old and didnt even own a water glass!!

Serenity Bound

Oh Moose, I know exactly how you feel. I wish my AD and her H would "get it" and I'm not talking clothes. After the fiasco two weeks ago, she has now moved back into our house. She got a exparte (sp?) this morning. I know as soon as H is served the s*** is going to hit the fan. Such an unhealthy relationship, and then there is the 1 yo. Mercy, it's so wonderful being a mommom, but it also can tear your heart out. At least the baby has both you & Mr Moose.

Sending you lots of hugs, from one Grama to another.
Chris

Seren

Oh, Moose, I was hoping that the little mooseling would have a happy homecoming! Have you learned any more about the jaundice situation?

Just remember, even if Daddy can't step up, there will be other loving family members to fill this child's life with joy and happiness (say, grandma moose)!

Hugs and prayers! HG

mooselips

haven't heard anything more about the jaundice.

Tried to call GF this a.m. but she must be nursing...no answer.


I am going to call my son Wally today, and click my heels, and close my eyes and nod my head, and see if anything happens...

historyteach

(((Moose)))

I can feel for you, my friend...
I'm sorry I don't have any wise answers like hangin' does;
Or even any good suggestions like Ann has.

All I have is my thoughts and prayers for you,
Your lil precious Aiden,
Wally and his significant other.

That you will retain your serenity in the midst of the storm;
That Aiden will recover quickly and lead a happy, healthy life full of joy;
That Wally will find his potential and live it;
And that his SO will enjoy the blessings of motherhood. :praying:

We're here for you, my friend.

Shalom!

Godsgirl

Aww bless your heart...you are a really good mother and grandmother full of love

frankly

((Moose))

Take some deep breaths here. I hear chomping and grinding of the teeth in the background, is that candy? I feel your stress and frustration all the way over here is tennessee. (-:

I don't have any advice but I will share with you some of my own "feelings" when my son and then daughter both had their babies. Mind you, my son is a computer geek and has not worked now in over 2 years, can't provide for a family and in my opinion, was in no position to bring an innocent child into this world.

Then I saw Reyli's birth, held her immediately, and just melted. I saw her eyes, her innocence, her total trust. I swear, I just wanted to wrap her up in that blanket and run away with her. I wanted her to have good stable parents with a happy home and at least a "chance" in life. I also knew what this child faced, poverty and inmature parents. I was scared. Really really scared. I couldn't protect her, that innocent sweet little bundle. I couldn't control her parents, I really had no say in any aspect of her life, and truthfully, I just wanted to smack both of them upside the head and say WAKE UP YOU TWO.

But I didn't, I had to refrain myself. I even had to do a little bit of "Let Go and Let HP"
Pretty sad, when you actually have to detach yourself from your own grandbabies situation.

It really bothered me a lot, son wouldn't get up and get to the hospital at a decent hour, I really wanted to kick his butt all the way there, because I had expectations of what "they" should do. Mama bear inside of me broke out and just wanted to scoop up Reyli and protect her from, well, her own parents. My expectations of what they should be and how they should act. I was pretty "disappointed" with them, more so my own son than anything else.

It started eating at me and I had to step back. Actually used the steps here, letting go and letting HP have control (as if it really was any other way) was hard, still is. I decided to make a conscious effort to let the little things go and concentrate on the good. After all, look at the miricle that I held. Everything in her world might not be "right" in the way that I would want them to be, but lord, she was healthy, and safe and loved beyond description. I would let go of all the things I didn't aprove of. Told myself that I was just going to eat up all the time I could with this little person and Would Not put my two cents worth in unless asked, or god forbid, if they put her in any kind of danger.

That helped free up my mind and my heart and allowed me to concentrate on one thing, Reyli.

Needless to say, two months later when Jordan came into this world, I had to sort through the whole thing again, it was even harder because of Vicky's situation being a 19 year old single "inmature" mother.

Sorry this is so long Moose, I do know where you are comming from, but if you can, focus all your energy on that little boy, he deserves the very best that life can offer and just the very fact that he has a grandma like you, really gives him more that most kids can ever hope to have. He is really blessed. HP has it covered.

Great Big Hugs
B

cece1960

I understand Moosie. My son walks around looking like the walking wounded just because he wants to. And you can smell the cig smoke a mile away. I won't let him come into my workplace.
I have a feeling the dad role is still hypothetical to him. He's on the outside looking in right now, and may need to bond his own way.
I have to remind myself, as I did when I divorced my kids' dad, that "dad" is the kids' "daddy". They love unconditionally for a good while. The deserve to.
Hang in there and spoil that kid rotten!

Hangin' In

Moose, you'll understand when I say I had to laugh when I saw Ann's posted picture of Wally....Wally who has never done a thing wrong; Wally who always had is shirt tucked in his pressed, khaki pants; Wally who was just so spit-shined, squeaky clean.

BUT....the one I really remember was good ole Eddie Haskel (or however you spell it.) What a suck up he was to Mr. and Mrs. Cleaver, always triyng to lure Wally into doing something mischievious, but then when almost caught would say, "Yes, Mrs. Cleaver. Yes, Mr. Cleaver." Oh, those were the good ole days. Now we have reality programs with nekkid people, language worse than any sailor's, and people eating rotten eggs to win a million bucks. I say bring back good ole Eddie Haskel!

And re the vasectomy thing...uh, well...uh...

How about Lorena Bobbitt's phone number?

MsPINKAcres

Kids - ya can't live with 'em and ya can't neuter 'em - j/k!!

Oh well - Life goes on, my Friend - Vent away as often as necessary - trust me - it just may be one of us the next time "venting" about one of our loved ones not doing as they "should" about those precious little grandbabies. Somedays I feel I could really about the whole situation with some of those girls and then the next day - all is well in the world!!!

HUGS to you my friend!!