tam

great post racaple78 and great responses, surely hit home with me too.
I stayed home from work this week because I just couldnt take it anymore, everything and everyone got to me all because of what Im going through.
I needed time to myself to cool off you might say.
I still at times, many times cant come to terms with how my AH could do this to me after being together over 26 years. we have had many problems that
together we worked through them, this one Im having a hard time with.
either Im angry or sad. I cant stop thinking of the lies and the so called I love you,miss you,promise things will get better when in fact Im getting attacked viciously through the legal system. I know its for the best, I know that but it doesnt take away the pain right now.maybe some day we all will be posting on how our lives got better and our anger and frustrations are layed to rest..thats what I pray for everyday.
I too am going through the divorce process and of course that just brings up
the emotions all over again. I was doing pretty good with my recovery up until this.
today I have court and not looking forward to seeing him. I prayed last night
that my HP gives me the courage and strength to stand proud, proud of me moving on or at least trying to.
thank you for sharing your feelings, sure helps to know Im not alone and hopefully we all find peace and happiness. we will get through this together!
hugs

Foreverchanged

I am MAD. Mad because I feel as though he took away this beautiful life that we could have had together. Correction: his "disease" took it away. Seems like the same thing to me. I want to know where my husband is. The man that I married. Whoever that person was, clean and sober and clear-eyed and bright, I miss that man so terribly; instead of him just disappearing overnight I watched the brightness in his eyes slowly die away as the disease took over him. What burns me up is the life he took away from both of us, and from our kids. We have two beautiful children that light up any room, that are full of wonder and hope and deserve to have their father front and center in their lives....PRESENT. I am infuriated at him because I believed him when he said he would love, honor and cherish me....I put my heart and soul into the palm of his hands and he absolutely threw it away. I'm disgusted with him (and myself for believing him and marrying him) and mad as hell that I feel as though I have been denied the life that I always dreamed of having as a child, and growing up....meeting the man who was THE ONE. I'm mad that in the end my husband chose drugs over me and the kids. My life is undoubtedly better than it was before we separated. I'm just so horrified at how unable he is to do the right thing. What makes me even more infuriated is that he hasn't sent me or the kids A PENNY,All the lies, the betrayal, the stupid stupid lies.........saying he was "going to the store" and being gone for hours at a time, disappearing one night ALL NIGHT LONG for no reason, while I was 8 months pregnant with our second child, and showing up at 7 am like it was no big deal, eyes totally dilated, his secret hiding spots that he coveted and cherished like nothing else, his CELL PHONE, carrying it around like it was his baby, (he would freak out if I even LOOKED in the direction of it)....the list goes on and on.
racaple78,
Anger is a powerful thing. I can closely relate to all the above and the feelings of anger. I myself am so angry at my exab. We weren't married but we were planning to get married. I just recently gave birth to our child. At a time we were supposed to start our family he decided to start using. This is our first and only child and I feel like my whole world has come tumbling down. Now being a single mother at 30 I feel helpess. I feel like he just threw everything away including the both of us.He hasn't seen her not even once. And was M.I.A. at her birth.

I just hope that life has more in store.....and that I will find the peace and happiness I deserve.[/QUOTE]

You have a right to be upset. I'm sorry you have to go through this. I'm going back and forth with anger,sadness and hurt myself. You will find peace and happiness. It takes time. You sound like a strong lady. Hang in there. It can be hard but you already made it this far!! Someday I hope to be in the same place. Good luck to you!

Marcus

This thread was started almost 2 years ago according to the date. Just an FYI :-)

Foreverchanged

I just noticed that after I posted

hello-kitty

Great thread. Glad you resurrected it!

lizadeld

I knew it was started 2 years ago...sorry all. The story was so scarily similar to me and it was my first time and it was the first thing that popped up in google, I felt compelled to respond.

DayDreamBelever

I just wanted to say that the anger will pass in time. My ex had me so mad I even did things that hindered my recovery! In fact his last stunt (I've got another longer post here that explains more) became my breaking point. However that caused him to decided to optionally put himself in jail. I went and had one visit with him and all I did was tell him how pissed I was at him! I was mad he screwed up his life! Made he'd thrown so much away between us! Mad at myself for allowing SOO much BS to go on! Mad at him for the potential of his sons mom potentially taking this opportunity to finally move him across the country! Mad that his other son idolizes him and now has to be without him again! Mad my kids would miss him because of his BS! MAD that he didn't consider anyone but himself when he CHOSE to go back to jail! Mad MAd MAD!! But ... eventually it passed and then I felt remorse. Now I'm where I can and am trying to heal. So anyway, not that I think you need yet another person saying to you that "this too shall pass" cuz we all know that. However, sometimes it's just nice to know that others have been there and understand. And honey, if there is one thing I did in the last several months of our relationship, it was be MAD. HUGS