Should I change my phone number....again?
scorpgrl1978
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Little Rock, AR
Posts: 52
Should I change my phone number....again?
Well, just thought I'd write an update on how things are going: First and foremost, myself and the kids are doing splendid....I love my babies (3 and 1) and I myself am back in school trying to get my degree in RN. A long and hard process, at least 2-3 more years, but well worth it. I have been spending more time with my friends, and for the first time in 4 years, I feel more like myself again than I have in what seems a long time. I'm also working out again and trying to get back into shape, losing the last 20-25 lbs of mommy weight gain that will bring me back to what shape I'd like to be in. So all and all, since my separation from my AH back in Sept., my life has slowly been improving, whereas my AH has completely spiraled out of control.
One thing I wanted to mention is that I still keep in contact with much of his family, as they are still family to me, and are all in agreeance that he needs help. His sister in particular and I are close, as she just recently returned from being deployed overseas and is in the air force. She is a great person and friend and I love her. She has sent money since our separation to her mom and my AH for the past 6 months, which she thought may be used for groceries, but since visiting him recently so he could see the kids, and his godawful weight loss, she is now pissed and believes as do I that they have both been spending money on drug binges. So, now...no more money being sent, and she and I are now attending church together and plan on going to Narc-Anon meetings together.
This is all with the exception of his AM, whom he's been living with and more than likely doing drugs with. I'm not sure which ones he's been doing, but I do know he was recently arrested in Jan. for a possession of heroin, his second offense after a possession charge back in 2000. He called me asking for advice and I suggested he go to drug court; he instead choses to plead Not Guilty and try to convince the court that the drugs were stashed in his truck by another person, which is the story he is telling me. He is a compulsive liar, so I don't really believe him. He also, in the last 5 months, has not sent any money to me and the kids, not a PENNY, even though he claims to be working. He says he is trying to get his truck out of storage. All this sounds to me like Charlie Brown's teacher; I don't believe a word that comes out of his mouth.
He calls sporadically, and my main concern is why I even pick up the phone. Curiousity I guess? Keeping the lines of communication open for the sake of our children? I really just need to stop answering period.
A few days ago he called and I kinda went off, mainly due to frustration and his lack of "getting his s**t" together; his voice sounded gruff and totally unlike the man I married. Speaking of man, he said to me, "What are you talking about, man?" when I was asking him questions. I said, "Why are you calling me 'man'?" He then said, "What do you want from me? What am I supposed to do?" and I said, "What do I want? I want the old you back, that's what I want. You know, the normal, simply happy you without all the crap going on right now, that's what I want. And you know, I wish you had enough balls to be honest and say, look, I'm not going back to that person, and you are wasting your time thinking I am." And he said, "I am not going back to that person, and you are wasting your time. (!!!!)" My heart dropped, I swallowed, and said, "Thanks, that's all I needed to know. Bye." and hung up.
Of course, he called the next day, and I didn't answer the phone. Day after that, he called again, and dumb me....I answered the phone. He said, "I just want to apologize for what I said the other night." and I said, "Hey you were just being honest, and I appreciate it." and he said, "No, I wasn't being honest, I was just saying that b/c it sounded like that's what you wanted to hear." Anyway, another agrument insued; more hurt coming out of me at his poor choices, how I couldn't believe he chose drugs over me and the kids, etc etc.....then a quick bye and off the phone again.
Of course I am still sad when I think of him, and I do think of him at least once a day, if briefly. However, like I said, my life is TONS better now that I am moving forward, and it pleases me to no end how much happier the kids seem to be as well, and how much closer WE have gotten through this whole experience. It is like nothing else to have my children hug and kiss me and tell me they love me. I know I did the right thing.
My question is: for my own sanity, should I not even answer the phone? Is there really any point of keeping the lines open for him? Or should I just change my number? I really need full closure from him, the divorce will be final in a couple of months; however, if I completely cut him off of contact, I feel bad since we do still have children together. What should I do?
One thing I wanted to mention is that I still keep in contact with much of his family, as they are still family to me, and are all in agreeance that he needs help. His sister in particular and I are close, as she just recently returned from being deployed overseas and is in the air force. She is a great person and friend and I love her. She has sent money since our separation to her mom and my AH for the past 6 months, which she thought may be used for groceries, but since visiting him recently so he could see the kids, and his godawful weight loss, she is now pissed and believes as do I that they have both been spending money on drug binges. So, now...no more money being sent, and she and I are now attending church together and plan on going to Narc-Anon meetings together.
This is all with the exception of his AM, whom he's been living with and more than likely doing drugs with. I'm not sure which ones he's been doing, but I do know he was recently arrested in Jan. for a possession of heroin, his second offense after a possession charge back in 2000. He called me asking for advice and I suggested he go to drug court; he instead choses to plead Not Guilty and try to convince the court that the drugs were stashed in his truck by another person, which is the story he is telling me. He is a compulsive liar, so I don't really believe him. He also, in the last 5 months, has not sent any money to me and the kids, not a PENNY, even though he claims to be working. He says he is trying to get his truck out of storage. All this sounds to me like Charlie Brown's teacher; I don't believe a word that comes out of his mouth.
He calls sporadically, and my main concern is why I even pick up the phone. Curiousity I guess? Keeping the lines of communication open for the sake of our children? I really just need to stop answering period.
A few days ago he called and I kinda went off, mainly due to frustration and his lack of "getting his s**t" together; his voice sounded gruff and totally unlike the man I married. Speaking of man, he said to me, "What are you talking about, man?" when I was asking him questions. I said, "Why are you calling me 'man'?" He then said, "What do you want from me? What am I supposed to do?" and I said, "What do I want? I want the old you back, that's what I want. You know, the normal, simply happy you without all the crap going on right now, that's what I want. And you know, I wish you had enough balls to be honest and say, look, I'm not going back to that person, and you are wasting your time thinking I am." And he said, "I am not going back to that person, and you are wasting your time. (!!!!)" My heart dropped, I swallowed, and said, "Thanks, that's all I needed to know. Bye." and hung up.
Of course, he called the next day, and I didn't answer the phone. Day after that, he called again, and dumb me....I answered the phone. He said, "I just want to apologize for what I said the other night." and I said, "Hey you were just being honest, and I appreciate it." and he said, "No, I wasn't being honest, I was just saying that b/c it sounded like that's what you wanted to hear." Anyway, another agrument insued; more hurt coming out of me at his poor choices, how I couldn't believe he chose drugs over me and the kids, etc etc.....then a quick bye and off the phone again.
Of course I am still sad when I think of him, and I do think of him at least once a day, if briefly. However, like I said, my life is TONS better now that I am moving forward, and it pleases me to no end how much happier the kids seem to be as well, and how much closer WE have gotten through this whole experience. It is like nothing else to have my children hug and kiss me and tell me they love me. I know I did the right thing.
My question is: for my own sanity, should I not even answer the phone? Is there really any point of keeping the lines open for him? Or should I just change my number? I really need full closure from him, the divorce will be final in a couple of months; however, if I completely cut him off of contact, I feel bad since we do still have children together. What should I do?
Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: Chicagoland, IL
Posts: 5
I'm rather new to this, but I wouldn't speak to him.
Having that line of communication keeps him in your thoughts and still connected to his drama and problems.
Go get one of those free "Grand Central" phone accounts (through Google). Give that phone number to everyone (his family, etc). Then change your cell number. Grand Central has really nice settings - you can put him in your address book & set it up so when he calls, it will go straight to voicemail (or outright block him). For somebody you WANT to talk to, you can set it up to ring both your home & cell or whatever.
You can listen to the VM when YOU want to & not even deal with his name coming up on your phone.
Having that line of communication keeps him in your thoughts and still connected to his drama and problems.
Go get one of those free "Grand Central" phone accounts (through Google). Give that phone number to everyone (his family, etc). Then change your cell number. Grand Central has really nice settings - you can put him in your address book & set it up so when he calls, it will go straight to voicemail (or outright block him). For somebody you WANT to talk to, you can set it up to ring both your home & cell or whatever.
You can listen to the VM when YOU want to & not even deal with his name coming up on your phone.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: Denver, Colorado
Posts: 45
Oh man do I know how you feel.
I say change the number. As mentally hard as that will be. You won't have the burden of checking it to see if he called, or play the "should I answer" game.
If there needs to be a line of communication can you talk with your sister in law and perhaps relay messages through her regarding the kiddos? And maybe you can do the ol' *67 trick that blocks your phone number to the receiving party when you do call him?
When the communication shuts down a funny thing happens. WE move forward and it sounds like your life is moving in a positive direction since he's been gone. Every phone call creates chaos. I'm kind of learning that not dealing with King Sh!t Head has made him realize the reality of the finalization of our marriage and he's none too happy or comfortable about it. I think your AH will have a freak out session. Thankfully he's away.
Do you think you have it in you to change it? It would be a major way to cut him out. I think it would be best.
Love,
Maelynn
I say change the number. As mentally hard as that will be. You won't have the burden of checking it to see if he called, or play the "should I answer" game.
If there needs to be a line of communication can you talk with your sister in law and perhaps relay messages through her regarding the kiddos? And maybe you can do the ol' *67 trick that blocks your phone number to the receiving party when you do call him?
When the communication shuts down a funny thing happens. WE move forward and it sounds like your life is moving in a positive direction since he's been gone. Every phone call creates chaos. I'm kind of learning that not dealing with King Sh!t Head has made him realize the reality of the finalization of our marriage and he's none too happy or comfortable about it. I think your AH will have a freak out session. Thankfully he's away.
Do you think you have it in you to change it? It would be a major way to cut him out. I think it would be best.
Love,
Maelynn
scorpgrl1978
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Little Rock, AR
Posts: 52
I am in agreeance with everyone. I will need to change the number. I do have this slight back-of-the-mind fear that he will appear out of nowhere on my front door with some deranged vengance for not answering his calls (or changing the number) and will do some freak out session, like you said bognot. Still, I suppose I could always just call the police, and that would scare the crap out of him.
But in reality, I don't think that will happen. He's a 9 hour drive away, his only truck is impounded, and he is out on bond, so if he were caught in a different state, they would totally arrest him and put him back in jail. I actually wouldn't be suprised to hear that he was trying to make a run for it out of the country (he's in TX) to Mexico to avoid going back to prison. Sounds stupid? of course it does, but this is something he told me he was pondering, and exemplifies his capacity for dumb decisions.
Thanks everyone, I totally agree though. Change the number.
But in reality, I don't think that will happen. He's a 9 hour drive away, his only truck is impounded, and he is out on bond, so if he were caught in a different state, they would totally arrest him and put him back in jail. I actually wouldn't be suprised to hear that he was trying to make a run for it out of the country (he's in TX) to Mexico to avoid going back to prison. Sounds stupid? of course it does, but this is something he told me he was pondering, and exemplifies his capacity for dumb decisions.
Thanks everyone, I totally agree though. Change the number.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: twilight zone,usa
Posts: 3,909
tell him never to call you again & mean it. whem he calls hang up on him. if you have caller i.d. just don't answer it. i am glad thing are working out for you. finish school. it will b hard but worth it. prayers,
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