lovemykids

She was crying. I asked her if she was having withdrawel and she said yes. She wants out of there and try to go to a different rehab. She said that she wants to do pills again so badly........my heart is breaking.

All I could do was tell her how strong the women in our family are and to hang in there. I told her that once she gets past all of this it will just be a bad memory (I hope). I told her that she has to do this for herself and also for her family and that one day she might want children and that this would be no kind of a life for her or them and us.

Should I have mentioned the future or possible children? Should I have mentioned us? I am grabbing at straws for her to focus on herself, I am scared to say anything as I am worried that I will say the wrong thing.

I explained and told my other daughter not to mention about us getting a new computer, certain movies etc. I don't want my younger daughter to tell her sister of special things we do like if we go out for lunch or watch movies together etc....I am terrified that she will get even more homesick or use that as an excuse to leave. My God, I don't even know if she can just up and leave rehab I will have to call tomorrow to find out. She has only been in there for not even two weeks and she is supposed to be there for at least 6 months minimum. She is a minor until this upcoming August.

She says that she misses talking to me and spending time with me, which we obviously didn't do enough of since I had no clue she was an addict.

The last conversation prior to this was on the phone 2 days ago, she mentioned that she was glad she was off the pills but then she said that she wasn't going to say that she would never do them again.

How long does it take speed and ecstasy to get out of one's systom? I asked her a week or so ago if she ever touched crack, she said no just the E and speed. Isn't crack a type of speed?

I am sharing her sisters bear( I havn't been back to the store to pick one up for me) and I told ad 17 to go and hug her bear and to know that her sister and I are hugging our bear and sending those hugs to her.

Done_With_It

[QUOTE=lovemykids;2120978]She was crying. I asked her if she was having withdrawel and she said yes. She wants out of there and try to go to a different rehab. She said that she wants to do pills again so badly........my heart is breaking.


When I was detoxing off of meth (speed) I cried a lot to and I didn't cry, I had not cried in years, and I cried off and on for months after that. It's a common symptom off coming off of meth or speed.
That is one reason why we don't like to come down. The lows are terrible. She is in the best place she can be. The come down for E is the same thing, I have never done E but I have dealt with tons of friends who have done it and they drove me crazy with their come downs, they cry and get so upset. It's normal for them to want to do more to get high again.


This is good for her to go through, she needs a reason to not want to get high again. The worse she feels the more it will make her think the next time she wants to do them again (hopefully)

All I could do was tell her how strong the women in our family are and to hang in there. I told her that once she gets past all of this it will just be a bad memory (I hope). I told her that she has to do this for herself and also for her family and that one day she might want children and that this would be no kind of a life for her or them and us.

You just do what you feel is best, you don't have to grasp at straws, you can't fix her or make her want to get better or stay better. Nothing you say or don't say is going to make or break her, or make her stay in rehab, so just say what is in your heart and don't put so much pressure on yourself to say or do the right thing.
She will or will not do this for herself.
Just be her Mom. Let the doctors worry about the rest. : ]



This isn't your other daughters problem.
Personally I wouldn't start adjusting your other daughters life to fit your addicted daughters life. It won't fix or cure your daughters addiction, and it will eventually cause resentment. It's not fair for your daughter to have to censor herself because your other daughter may or may not do drugs,
if your going to let drugs start holding you all hostage now? Your addicted daughter will see right through you and will use it to her advantage.


What about her seeing the life that she is missing out on? When she gets home she can have all the same things, she just has to do the work. Boundaries... When she was a baby and she wanted to touch a hot stove or cross the street without looking, you wouldn't let her, nothing wrong with setting boundaries. Don't let her walk all over you. You are in charge not her.

My God, I don't even know if she can just up and leave rehab I will have to call tomorrow to find out. She has only been in there for not even two weeks and she is supposed to be there for at least 6 months minimum. She is a minor until this upcoming August.

She says that she misses talking to me and spending time with me, which we obviously didn't do enough of since I had no clue she was an addict.

The last conversation prior to this was on the phone 2 days ago, she mentioned that she was glad she was off the pills but then she said that she wasn't going to say that she would never do them again.

Crack is natural I believe, speed is man made.

Speed messed with my brain for quite awhile, I had ups and downs. It takes time, two weeks I was still an emotional mess.
Take what she says with a grain of salt.

I am sharing her sisters bear( I havn't been back to the store to pick one up for me) and I told ad 17 to go and hug her bear and to know that her sister and I are hugging our bear and sending those hugs to her.





JMO as always

Love and Light to you
Go easy on yourself...

MyJoey

Hi Lovemykids,

Done with it, pretty much said it all. I can only add what I know about speed and E, my son who is 17 has done the E just a few weeks ago and the withdraw was horrible. He said and did things I have never seen him do before. The E going around our area right now is called triple stack (three pills) and it is a mix of a lot of drugs wrapped up in 3 pills, each one will increase the level of high. The local police are trying really hard to get it out of our schools. One other thing I was told this drug is so bad it has left kids laying in nursing homes........brain dead. Even hard core addicts know to stay away from it..........that is what they say.

I have personal experience with speed and it is one of the hardest drugs to get away from not just because it makes you feel physically good, but because it gives you the false feelings of motivation and an over all feeling of well being.......I felt healthy doing speed and without it I was a mess, a real crash feeling I didn't even want to get out of bed. I got started doing them from a local diet doctor, because I wanted to lose a few pounds. There are still times I would love to do them. When my son was in rehab, (which he got kicked out after 2 weeks) the second week was the hardest for him in the withdraw and he said things that left me crying. She has only just begun, it is going to take a while to get it all out of her system, but I think the hardest thing with speed is you never forget how good you felt when you did it and life just don't feel like it will be the same without it. It robs you of all your natural energy and you replace it with a pill, without the pill you are nothing. All you can do is let her know how much you love her, when she is begging to come home (I know it is hard, I am learning myself) let her know she needs to stay. I relay on this forum for my support (I am so thankful to the people here), so keep posting, you will hear not what you want, but what you need to know to help your daughter. Lots of hugs and support to you! We know addiction is one of the hardest things a parent can face.

lovemykids

I am so thankful that I have found you all here.

My ad started changing about 2 1/2 years ago. I don't think that she was on drugs then. I cried so much back then that it is hard for me to release this heartache in which I am going through now. I have had circles and "bags" under my eyes ever since, maybe it was a coincidence and appeared with age I don't know. I do know that today I am just numb, tomorrow the hurt and shock might be back. I want to go to a meeting, I searched online but there are not any in my area which I could find, I will inquire for more information today.

I am so thankful that she is in rehab. Prior to her going was so hard on me and the family with even more worrying. I would wake up through the night wondering if she got home yet from her friends as she did not always follow her curfew. She was very disrespectful a lot of the time. I sure don't miss getting up and checking to see if her shoes/coat are in the closet or checking her room terrified that she wouldn't be in bed safe. I thought all of this was from her hormones as she did have problems with them. She did move out for a bit but we talked to her social worker about that prior. I mentioned a little about that in my original post.

I need to call the rehab center later this morning to find out the worse case scenario, like what does it take for someone to get kicked out of their program, does my daughter have the right to just leave there( hopefully not). If she did leave/run away what happens then? She is only a minor for 6 more months.

winnie12

As everyone told me last week when my son went through the exact same thing - the first few weeks are the toughest in rehab. Their minds are starting to clear and they are dealing with emotions that they have been running from for a long time. Not that my son's not going to have tough weeks but he did get through it on his own and is not saying he wants to leave now. It did help him when i told him that most people i know that have been through rehab say it does get easier with time.

bigsister1982

I think hearing your daughter cry is a good thing. I think it means that the drugs are finally not able to numb her mind. I heard my brother cry the first time he was detoxing. I actually didn't mind because it's so nice to hear a *real* emotion instead of just.... no emotion at all.

Don't worry that you said the wrong thing. It's easy to analyze everything that you say to your daughter but she's probably just so happy to hear your voice and something familiar. Going through detox must be a scary time. I think your conversation conveyed all the hope that you have for her, and that's always something great to hear.

Marlie

When my daughter went to rehab (it was her idea) she called me the first few days crying that she wanted to come home. She told me she didn't belong there, that she wasn't as bad off as the others there, that she would quit using, quit seeing her friends, that she knew what she had to do to stay clean. It broke my heart to hear her like this but I didn't relent about her need to be where she was. She told me she could check herself out which was true as she was 19. I told her go ahead but if she didn't stay in rehab then she would no longer have a home to come home to. She asked if I was serious, and I repled yes. She stayed the full time and even wanted to stay longer.

Hang in there, I know it is difficult but your daughter needs to be where she is.

I too was relieved when I didn't have to get up in the middle of the night and check to see if she had come home. I no longer had to call her and hear her voice and know that at that moment she was still alive.

I think it is harder on the families than it is on the addict.

kathy306

Much of your story sounds similiar to mine a couple of months agao. My 18 yr old was sent to rehab and begged, then demands and then treatened to leave. We were educated on the Marchment Act in our state in which we threatened to enact. She made it through without having to do so..but there was more than 1 occasion where we felt we may have needed to. She has spent a week in detox and now just finished 2 months in rehab, last week she moved into a sober house. She continues to go to rehab in their Intensive Outpatient Therapy program and will probably be there for at least 1 more month. The cost of the is astronomical but if she can get her life together it will be worth. I pray that you can keep your daughter in rehab. I see so many positive changes in my child and hopefully will continue to see them. I know the pain you are going through as her mom, I am going through it too.

racaple78

My understanding of E especially, is that while it may take a short amount of time for the drugs to leave your system (really depending on what all the pill itself was made up of), the levels of seratonin in your brain take quite awhile to return to normal. Once your daughter gets through the detox period, she will then be able to move into the actual rehabilitation process, and I'm sure that due to the changed levels of seratonin in her brain, they may need to keep a close watch on her mood swings. This is something you yourself will also need to be prepared for. Withdrawl is always uncomfortable (to put it mildly) for the addict; but as we all know, it is much better for them to experience the initial pain of it and begin moving in the right direction than to relapse and start on the wrong path all over again.
Another thing to bear in mind; her tolerance to drugs will start to lower again after withdrawl once her body tries to balance itself back out to normal again. This means that if she were to go out there and try to attain and do drugs (especially the same amount she may have been taking before) her body will no longer be used to it and the chances of OD'ing are greater. I know its hard to hear the pain she is going through right now, but remember that withdrawl pangs are short lived, and once she gets through them, she is again on the road to recovery.
Good luck!

caileesnana

reading your post brought back alot of memories of the times my AD was in rehag. It is good she is feeling, and crying. as hard as it is for you, this is good. Hang in there. Miracles can and do happen every day!

Prayers for you and your daughter,
susan

NeedingHelp7

This is all a part of the recovery, as painful as it is. This is why there are rehabs. Things get real intense in such early recovery. Alot of stuff coming out. Hold on mom. Miracles do happen.

Hangin' In

My AD did the same thing...the calls from the rehab, "Please come get me, they are being so mean, I hate this place." It took everything within me to leave her there. Thank God she was 500 miles away from home, so she knew if she left she wouldn't have a soft place to land within walking distance.

It's tough, but realize that she has to go through this hard time in order to get better. I know my AD remembers her last time detoxing and how horrible it was. Oh, I remember it, too, and I never want to see that again. But the painful memory of that is a good reminder to my AD that she nevers wants to go there again.

As my sponsor told me, "Try not to stay on the phone with you AD too long. Listen for a little while then get off." She knew what she was talking about. The longer I stayed on the phone, the more of a chance my AD had to suck me in, manipulate me and pull on my heart strings. I did what my sponsor said and it really helped both me and my AD.

Please try to find some meetings for yourself. They will help tremendously and you can have face to face support as well as support from this board.

Hugs and prayers for both you and your daughter,
Hangin' In

hello-kitty

E depletes your serotonin. Low serotonin causes major depression. Crack is not speed. Crack is rock cocaine. It sure speeds you out though.

Hang in there mom. I love that you told her how strong the women are in your family. When I was going through my crack addiction, my brother reminded me how strong the people are in our family and that we have "survivor" programmed into our DNA. It was one of the things that I was able to cling to when I was ready for recovery - the fact that I was a survivor and had strong genes.

It just helped somehow. I'm sure what you said helped your daughter. Hugs to both of you. She CAN do this if she wants it bad enough. You'll survive too. Afterall, it sounds like you have "survivor" programmed into your DNA as well.

Angelic17

Dear Lovemykids, I read your post, and I am a mother of an addicted son. I know just what your going through and how much your heart aches for your daughter. But she has to stick it out. And if she leaves Rehab, you have to let her suffer. You cannot take her back in. You should check out Naranon. I know how you feel because my son kept leaving Rehab, and I kept taking him in and helping him. 5 times he left rehabs, and put his father and me through hell. He hurt our whole family with his addictions. The addict must know that if they don't get the help and stick it out, that they will have no where else to go. Only then will they do the work. It's not easy getting straight, and if it were, there would be no addicts. Your daughter is right were she belongs. And I know how you feel because my son is in Rehab also. You should be glad she is not out using. I know that doesn't make you feel better, but she needs to do this work for herself. As moms' we want to fix everything for them. We can't. I tried so many times with my boy. He is my only child. My pride and joy. It wasn't until I finally said NO..and let him roam the streets that he put himself into treatment and is staying there. Time will heal your girl, and you need to take care of yourself. My son's addiction hurt me so bad, I became physically ill. The good news is that it's a treatable disease, and if your girl sticks this out she will be alright. Tell her, every day is a mile stone, and the anxiety and cravings will disappear soon. If she goes back for more, she will just prolong her suffering. She seems like she wants to change, and she can. She needs to stay where she is. She will be fine if she does. And crack is cocaine. These kids today, I feel bad for them, because the drugs are an epidemic on our young and the middleaged as well. Prayer works for me, and I will keep your daughter in my prayers. God Bless .....I wish your family healing and Peace. I know what addiction does to families. Mine has suffered so much and still going through it. We're all here routing for your girl. Like I said, it could be worse, she could be out using, or God Forbid worse. Be thankful.....Your friend in crisis....Angel

timetogo

Hi lovemykids -- I'm so sorry that you are going through this. My kids don't have addictions (that I'm aware of), it is their father who is my A in my life (one of them anyway).

I want to go to a meeting, I searched online but there are not any in my area which I could find, I will inquire for more information today.

I don't know if it will help, but I often have trouble getting to f2f meetings because of distance in my area. I have found online meetings to be quite helpful. There are meetings at Step Chat (sorry if the hyperlink doesn't work). They have AA, alanon, naranon, overeaters, etc. meetings.

My heart goes out to you -- take care of yourself
Laurie

lovemykids

Thank you all, you have all helped me so much to understand a bit more about addiction

Example: Ad case worker called me a few days back, he said something about my daughter never taking drugs again and how great she is doing, he is so impressed with her, more so then any of his other cases. I said that there is a possibility that she could relapse and he said that he didn't think so......By reading everyones posts on here and all of your experiences I said to him this: "There is no way that you can gaurentee me 100% that my daughter will not relapse." He then said "No, I guess I can't." I also told him to remember that she is still a child, she might talk as if she is much older then her actual years and really mean it at the time but then her intentions can change within a day or two. I also reminded him that she hadn't even been in rehab yet for a full 2 weeks at that time. I told him how the social workers had felt how she was mature beyond her years and the mess it got her into and how I had listened to them, never again.

If I hadn't found you all here to get feedback, your experiences and knowledge I may have believed that she was cured already. I cannot express how much you have all helped.

She called again last night, crying and down....I realize now that this has nothing to do with being homesick etc, it is the drug withdrawal. She said that she misses her friends too, I told her that she needs to make new friends, healthier friends as with her old friends she could/would be tempted to take drugs again and that all of her hard work to get to where she is right now would be gone. I again told her to never forget how she is feeling right now, to always remember the pain and suffering these drugs have caused her.

My husband talked to her for a few minutes last night, he hasn't talked to her for about a week because he has been at work or out when she has called. My husband said to me that he didn't realize how bad she is and that she sounds worse, I explained to him that it is the withdrawal which he relizes but it was still a shock for him to actually hear it in her voice.

Laurie , the link worked for Step Chat, I am going to check it out once I post this, thank you very much.

winnie12

I deal with this with my son. He looks older than his age and he is very well spoken - has a huge vocabulary and knows what to say to professionals. I know that a lot of this is because I never baby-talked my kids - its just not in my nature. My son "appears" on the outside to be very mature but he is not. He is still a child. Just because he has a lot of potential and knows what to say to a counselor doesnt mean anything to me. Because of teachers and counselors treating him like he was older they hurt him more than helped him. They filled up his ego thinking he can handle more then he is capable of. bottom line is their brains are not fully developed and i for one find it irresponsible for counselors to say these things to kids. If he were mature beyond his years then he would also be more responsible and he is not. I see kids everyday that look younger and speak younger but have their lives together and that is what i consider maturity. You just keep trusting your gut on this one - I think you are right.

sistergldnhair

Hang in there..My son is 23 and has been in rehab for over 5 months. The first couple of weeks was real hard. He was in detox for 2 weeks, then the first day he got to the rehab is threatened to leave, and I had to tell him for the first time, that if he left..he could not come home.
He stayed..but really loafed and didn't do much treatment work for the next 2 months. he relapsed in rehab with another kid. My son got booted out to a homeless shelter, and had to contemplate on whether he wanted treatment or not. He returned to the rehab, and since this happened, in early December, he has come a long way.
He is currently still in rehab, but looking for work, and will soon graduate to a sober living facility. He is nervous, and not finding it easy to get a job, but he's clean. And working the program, going to his AA meetings every day.

Hang in there...it will get better. Get to some meetings, they helped me.

Angelic17

Hey Lovemykids, Your right to realize that you daughter is not easily cured. I am glad to hear that she is responding well to her treatment, and willing to listen and do what it takes. The crying is normal. That means she is healing. That's healthy. She has remorse and that's a good thing. Just so you know, the disease of addiction is incurable. And the relapse happens long before the actual drug or drink is taken. When she does get back home, the only thing she needs to change is everything. If she goes back to the same people,places, and things, the odds of her using drugs go up. I'm not saying she will relapse, but if opiates were here drug of choice, beware. She cannot walk out of rehab thinking she is cured and go right back to her friends who still use. The reason for that is that up until 1-2 yrs after she stops using her brain is still craving the drug. It takes time for the brain to go back to normal. My son relapsed a few times because I didn't know better then, I know better now, and when you know better you do better. Hang in there. There's so much hope for a normal life. As long as she doesn't get high. :praying for you girl.....Angel