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A good end to my relationship......

Old 02-22-2009, 08:36 PM
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A good end to my relationship......

So it's been a while since I updated.......I believe the last thread I wrote was early January-ish. I had been getting more and more furstrated with my abf and had ended the relationship. Problem is, he has always been so good at "convincing" me that we can "make it work". And, while he lives with me in a home I (and I alone) own, he knows the laws re: real estate. Things like how I have to give him 30 days notice to evict.......even though he's not paying rent, etc. So over the next several days he worked his magic and talked me back in.......again.

This time is different. I guess you could say it's the break-up I had been hoping for. I got back from a trip and, yet again, it seemed that every conversation we tried to have degenerated into and argument. It was so exhausting. He's not currently using pills, but is smoking pot and is NOT working a program. I have been regularly going to alanon meetings and working on getting myself healthy. He has broken my trust so many times, that any little sign that he wasn't be 100% honest with me about something as small as which video store he went to led me to go into full-on suspicion and fear mode.

Last Monday night I finally said to him that I was becoming more and more convinced that I couldn't get healthy with him and he couldn't get healthy with me. That was so hard to say......after three years together in what had started as a great relationship where he was not only my lover, buy also my best friend and biggest cheerleader. We spent a couple days having "delicate" conversations and he actually agreed with my assessment this last Thursday. I'm so grateful that we were able to end the relationship in a way that we're not out to get and hurt the other one. We both feel that we need lots of distance from each other for a while.........but are hopeful that, in time, we will be able to salvage our friendship out of the wreckage of this relationship.

It's still pretty emotionally raw, but I must say that I feel good about it. I took the encouragement from my alanon peeps to "sit with it" and "don't force it". I could've (and some may say should've) forced the end months ago, but it would've been so ugly and so much drama. I simply don't need that. I am so drained from all this.........I'm glad to have a little bit of peace in the end.

Thanks for listening to my ramblings............I'm slowly purging all these pent-up emotions and I appreciate SR and all the great people here for giving me a place to do just that!!
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Old 02-23-2009, 08:01 AM
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Good luck with that. I have pretty much determined that there is no "good" in the end of a relationship with an addict. There is "good" after the end. Unfortunately addicts have to make the leaving part as difficult and horrible as possible when a relationship is over. They don't just go away peacefully. I wish they did.

My ex showed up to visit his son and refuses to leave. And he's a jerk. And I keep asking him to leave. But he doesn't go. So now I will have to have a scene. It just sucks. He's just not normal. Who shows up for child visitation and then NEVER leaves? He won't even get up off the couch for fear he won't be able to lay back down on it. I set boundaries and dates and he just ignores them. It's psychotic! Who wants to live somewhere they are not wanted? He does. And he's not even using. But he's sick and screwed up. He just doesn't get it.

And yes. You do have to serve them with a notice to evict because they aren't like normal people. They don't leave when asked. So you have to bring the courts in. It's all a bunch of bull-pucky.
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Old 02-23-2009, 08:13 AM
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Hey there, good for you and good luck with your decision. It felt as if I were reading my own situation - word for word.

It must have been some time since you last posted, or that you don't post frequently, becuase your thread really resonated with me, usually those ones I know right off the bat- like blubelle, cassandra, and a few others have the abf thing with pills..........

I wonder how you came to the peaceful end. I don't know if I will ever be able to have a peaceful end with mine............. I'm too angry and hurt.

I hope I get there as you did.....

CONGRATS!! You go girl!!!!

Love,
Cessy
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