sistergldnhair

A lady I work with had her grandson admit to using oxy's last Sunday and he and his mom (this lady's daughter) flew down to Florida and he's currently in detox, and is being transferred to Destination Hope rehab on Monday. This mom flew down with her son (he's 19) and now she said she's applying for FMLA and staying in Florida until the boy is done his rehab. About 2 months. I never heard such nonsense.
This is such a high drama family anyway, but boy no matter what I say, they will not hear it. I said this should be the time, knowing he's getting help, that Mom should come back here, go back to her job, and educate herself and get to some meetings. This lady and her daughter, who also works with us, say they would do the same thing, and could not leave the state (we live in New York/New Jersey), and don't know how any parent could possibly do this. I felt so rotten, but I know, when I look at how far he's come, and how far I've come that I did what the professionals said because whatever I did did not work.

I feel sorry for this kid.

BBD

Your absolutely right but if I think back to my recovery and some of the things I did~~~I get so mad at myself now. Maybe this mom just doesn't have enough of a clue about addiction. Hopefully someone sends her home..LOL (just being silly))) Smiles, Bonnie

Freedom1990

The good news is there are some of us folks who actually did get clean and stay clean in spite of their highly dysfunctional families!

How about a virtual hug or two? :ghug :ghug

winnie12

She'll find out the truth on her own. I thought about doing this when looking for rehabs - i was going to move to be close to where my son was - i went so far as to look for apartments near some of the rehabs because i felt that since the problems had so much to do with me and my parenting that i had to be close by for counseling or he would never get better. Over time and after a lot of counseling, i figured it out on my own and she probably will as well. You cant explain this to someone - they have to learn it on their own.

marle

You do the best you can and when you know better you do better. That is a saying that sticks with me today. I still make lots of mistakes with my daughter, but each time I do I learn something new, something that will stick with me in the future. This mom will learn in time and who is to say that her son won't get it this time and she will have her happy ending. We can't ever know what God has in his plans for us. We can only trust that whatever it is it is just right for us. Hugs, Marle

outtolunch

I suspect the mother will eventually figure out or be told his recovery is about him, not her.

sistergldnhair

Yes I agree with all of you. I keep telling my friend that this is her grandson's recovery not his mom's. She seemed to have made this whole thing revolve around her.

I know, in time, and through therapy hopefully they will see the light as I have, and realize that he will get clean if he wants it, and if he doesn't then he won't. He's just gone through detox, and they are already bragging what a great change in his attitude. Almost like..he's almost there, he's cured.

Meanwhile his grandma says she's not an enabler, and that parent's are for the discipline, and not grandparents, and when he comes home, if he asks her for money she's giving it to him. I keep telling her, you can love him, but you have to love him different.

I guess I was hoping that because they've been so involved with the course of my son's recovery, and seeing all I did wrong, and what I've been instructed to change, that some of it would help them and rub off.

Wishful thinking.

marle

I thought my daughter was cured after 5 days in rehab. Boy did I have a lot to learn Hugs, Marle

MyJoey

I have to laugh, because they sound so much like me............problem, what problem....Duh. Don't worry they will be asking for your help soon enough, but for now they have to learn on their own, just like I am doing. This really is a long road and no one wants to believe in the beginning that this isn't an easy fix.

PeaceTrain

some rehabs have family programs, where they do educate the family.
When my daughter went to her first rehab, this was where I learned so much about addiction. It ran 9 - 5 for five days and all so worthwhile. She should inquire if they do have a family program, since she is there anyway.. Time well spent.