If someone smokes crack in my house...

Old 02-21-2009, 08:34 AM
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The problem as I see it is that you are posting this on the Friends and Family of Substance Abusers. We have been through hell with our addicts, many of whom smoke crack. You are with this person by choice. You are not married to him, have children with him or are his parent. We are sharing with you that it is very unwise of you to think about letting this person into your life and into your home from our own experiences. He is unhealthy and if you are repeatedly choosing crack addicts to hang out with, then you are not healthy either. You asked for advice and you got it. There is a saying that I am sure that you are familiar with that comes from the Rooms of NA and AA. It says Take what you like and leave the rest. We here are a bunch of codies and we hate to see people mess up their lives with addiction because we know the pain it brings. We have been or are living with the effects of it. Hugs, Marle
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Old 02-21-2009, 10:54 AM
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Can i just say that i am an alcoholic who is sober and working on it everyday, and i would never have smoked crack. No offence to addicts but how the **** would i go from drinking a couple of bottles of cava a day and some beer to thinking 'i know i'll score some crack'?! wtf lol I'm offski to where i belong, in the other forums now
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Old 02-21-2009, 11:09 AM
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Originally Posted by yeahgr8 View Post
Can i just say that i am an alcoholic who is sober and working on it everyday, and i would never have smoked crack. No offence to addicts but how the **** would i go from drinking a couple of bottles of cava a day and some beer to thinking 'i know i'll score some crack'?! wtf lol I'm offski to where i belong, in the other forums now
Not all people with drinking issues progress to crack.

I will say however, that it seems that many who use/used crack also seem to have or had serious issues with drinking.
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Old 02-21-2009, 11:10 AM
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Katie not judging or anything just telling you from personal experiance......ex bf had huge crack problem he actually took me serious when I told him no smoking in our home then just once I let my shield down and he ran rampid threw my life......the first time he smoked in my home was the night he stabbed me 9 times and broke my hips and pelvic bone......no I am not saying all crack addicts are violent but most are and will do most anything for a hit..........I pray to God it isn't you and that you can see your way into ahealthier relationship.....good luck.................oh yeah the second crack addict in my life is my baby brother, even though his life is right now he has never forgiven me for turning him over to the police for smoking crack on my frount pourch, he thought I would hide him and run the risk of losing my home........you CAN lose a lot if they are found smoking in your home with or without your knowledge, you can lose kids, jobs, medical insurance ( especially state aid) your home even your health.......weigh your options.....is it really worth it.....good luck honey!


Hugs,
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Old 02-21-2009, 11:17 AM
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Good point, also bear in mind i am speaking of my own experience of 20 years in UK and Spain and Gibraltar, i have never even met a person who smokes crack but i know plenty that do excessive coke and speed. I think crack must be more available in the states, as in easier to get than over here? It's hard to explain but i know someone still who does a lot of drugs (keep prodding him gently to get help?!) and coke, powder, is totally acceptable but if i said hows about crack i would be told to get lost in no uncertain terms like asking if an alchie vodka drinker (generalising here bigtime i know) if he had tried meths, i would expect a punch in the mouth over here:-)
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Old 02-21-2009, 11:24 AM
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Originally Posted by yeahgr8 View Post
I think crack must be more available in the states, as in easier to get than over here?
Yeahgr8, in the hood I grew up in, it's like a currency.
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Old 02-21-2009, 11:41 AM
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Katie,

I have an abf who is a 'functioning addict'- I am not an addict- and I would NEVER EVER EVER EVER allow him to bring drugs into my home. EVER. Period. I don't know how one who dosen't do drugs would allow this..........

People here on this site, do sometimes say things that aren't easy to hear. Sometimes I get very angry.... because they don't seem to support my feelings, when I say how I hurt, how it's hard for me to make changes in my relationshp.....(but I do take the words, process them - and understand that they ARE speaking from experience)

What kind of SUPPORT did you expect here? DId you really think people who are suffering from dealing with addicts in their life to say...."hey katie, you may or may not get arressted from letting someone smoke crack in your house. But hey, if you do, let us know how handcuffs feel around your wrist? Or hey, if you have people doing drugs in your home, let us know if you end up like our loved ones..... sick, miserable, and causing their loved ones tons of pain...."

I don't understand how you wanted 'support' on that.

Perhaps if you said, that someone brought drugs in your home- and you were devestated, and wanted to know how to handle that situation- you would have had 'more support' here....

Just a hint.

P.s.... I hope that you don't go down that road, I hope you talk this over with your supportive doctors and therapist, and they could tell you in a way that you will be able to comprehend, that it is NOT the thing to do, or have in your home.

Take care,
Cessy
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Old 02-21-2009, 12:12 PM
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Originally Posted by cessy68 View Post
Katie,

I have an abf who is a 'functioning addict'- I am not an addict- and I would NEVER EVER EVER EVER allow him to bring drugs into my home. EVER. Period. Cessy
Side Bar: Remember what I said on that other thread where I went off about grandma....

All it takes is one "event" and then letting go become the most natural thing to do. No regrets/No remorse.

Apologies to the OP for going off track.
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Old 02-21-2009, 12:42 PM
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Katie, I honestly don't think anyone is trying to judge you, I have to say that in many ways, I question what is truly going on with you.

Again, this is from my experience as well. I was like you in the way that I wanted to save everyone else, but at the time, I couldn't even get any amt of time built up where I didn't have any drugs or alcohol in me . . . I couldn't save myself. I'm only replying to your thread because I want to share my experiences with you, not judge you. I imagine you more than likely don't believe that, how can I say that? Because I didn't think anyone wanted to help me. I saw myself as the whipping post that everyone turned to time and time again. . . for their own sense of sick pleasure.

When I had a few weeks in Recovery, the guy who was my closest, dearest friend in the world for several years at that time, came over. We had talked on the phone several times since I got out of detox and he would laugh when I said I was serious, I was never going to use again. Like everyone else, he'd heard it so many times. Anyway, when I left the room for a minute, he got the coke out, like he always did when he came over. When I came back in the room, there was coke all over my coffee table, a very large amt. I was furious! I began yelling at him to get the f*ck out of my house and never, ever come back . . . I was shaking so hard, I was madder than hell. By getting that out, it was so disrespectful to me and my Recovery. We didn't speak for over a year. Ironically, he called me a few years later, asking me how I got clean and stayed clean. He's not using now, but he's not using any kind of Program either, so he's not too happy.

The reason I shared this with you is that if you are serious about your Recovery, don't let anyone disrespect you by bringing any type of drug into your home, whether it's alcohol, crack, pills, powder cocaine, prescriptions, weed, they are all drugs. And in answer to your question, yes, you can get in a world of sh*t if the police showed up at your door. They wouldn't care if you had never smoked crack before a day in your life. In the eyes of the law, you allowed it to take place in your home.

Katie, there have been many situations where you have let people come into your life and your home that have jeopradized your Recovery. For the time being, stay away from these people. After you have some time in Recovery, then and only then is it advisable to offer rides to someone else who is struggling.

I do care!
Judy
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Old 02-21-2009, 12:52 PM
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(((Katie)))

To answer your original question, you can be charged with "being present where drugs are used, kept or sold"...been there, done that, a few times.

I'm a recovering crack addict, so obviously I wouldn't allow anyone with crack even NEAR me. However, I don't allow anyone to bring recreational drugs around me.

FWIW, I was abusing pain pills..had never touched crack, was terrified of it because, as an RN, I had seen people DIE from it. I hooked up with a guy from AA, who smoked it, but had a few weeks clean. He moved in, within a few weeks was smoking it. Another few weeks, he had me so stressed out, I decided to try it. Two days later, I did something stupid that led to a criminal charge and the loss of my nursing license and my spiral into crack addiction. I'm not saying you will follow my path, just telling you my story.

I take my recovery seriously and I expect other people to respect that. I can't control what people do in their home, or car, but I can control what they do in MY home or car.

I do believe, that as a recovering addict, I should reach out to help another addict who wants help. However, if someone is smoking crack, they are not reaching out for help. When I was still smoking...help was the farthest thing from my mind. All you can think about is getting MORE crack.

Hugs and prayers!

Amy
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Old 02-21-2009, 01:27 PM
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Well, thanks for all your replies. I did get upset and went and slept for a few hours and am thinking more rationally. What I was trying to put forth as part of my OP is that I hate judging people based on a substance, as I've been guilty of using a subtance (alcohol) myself. There are a lot of people who have substance abuse in their lives (and of course in this forum) and I didn't want to come across as it's ok for me to drink wine and yet sit in judgment of those who do other things. As my M.D. told me when I told him I don't do drugs - he said alcohol IS a drug.

I was both sincerely curious (in part because I really am naive and I don't want to get caught up in the penalties associated with being anywhere around drugs) and also part of me wanted to be told have this person no where in my life. Now, maybe it should be obvious to me (I should know better), but I actually feel sorry for anyone who smokes crack. I remember being pained at these other guys and wanting to desperately understand both the drug and the addiction. I spent hours googling on things like "can someone use crack socially?" I suppose as a way to not realize the truth. From what I have seen (in my limited exposure, as my "relationships" were very short lived in the past once I found out they smoked crack and I imagine this one will be as well), crack is a very serious drug and ruins lives. I certainly don't want to be in that club. This isn't to say alcohol doesn't ruin lives, but it takes longer I think and there seems to be more opportunity for repair and less wreckage. I could be wrong on this and am sympathetic to anyone is this forum who has an abuser of any kind in their life.

I called my GF here and we are going to an AA meeting tonight. I really don't want to go (as this means I actually have to wash clothes, find something to wear, show up etc,) but I've promised to meet her so I will be there.

Also, it's my job to mind my own business and just focus on my recovery. I think I am a codie and it's very tempting for me to get caught up in someone else's drama and try to fix them and lose sight of me. I do appreciate all your replies and sorry for the length of this post and also getting upset and if I offended anyone.
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Old 02-21-2009, 01:45 PM
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Originally Posted by Katie09 View Post
There are a lot of people who have substance abuse in their lives (and of course in this forum) and I didn't want to come across as it's ok for me to drink wine and yet sit in judgment of those who do other things.
Hello, Katie. I don’t think it’s a question of sitting in judgment…it’s about doing what you need to do to protect and take care of yourself.


Originally Posted by Katie09 View Post
but I actually feel sorry for anyone who smokes crack.
I feel badly for anyone who is suffering from addiction. I know that I can’t help anyone who isn’t ready to quit.



Originally Posted by Katie09 View Post
Also, it's my job to mind my own business and just focus on my recovery. I think I am a codie and it's very tempting for me to get caught up in someone else's drama and try to fix them and lose sight of me.
Yes.

Katie...honestly I think many of the people who have responded to your threads want to see you get better…we want you to recover.
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Old 02-21-2009, 01:47 PM
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understandable, especially the codie part good luck and I hope the meetings help just keep posting, everyone brings something different to this forum but it is all in good faith and help....be it right or wrong for you just take what you need......and leave the rest....


hugs,
Pamm
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Old 02-21-2009, 01:51 PM
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Originally Posted by Impurrfect View Post
(((Katie)))

To answer your original question, you can be charged with "being present where drugs are used, kept or sold"...been there, done that, a few times.

I'm a recovering crack addict, so obviously I wouldn't allow anyone with crack even NEAR me. However, I don't allow anyone to bring recreational drugs around me.

FWIW, I was abusing pain pills..had never touched crack, was terrified of it because, as an RN, I had seen people DIE from it. I hooked up with a guy from AA, who smoked it, but had a few weeks clean. He moved in, within a few weeks was smoking it. Another few weeks, he had me so stressed out, I decided to try it. Two days later, I did something stupid that led to a criminal charge and the loss of my nursing license and my spiral into crack addiction. I'm not saying you will follow my path, just telling you my story.

I take my recovery seriously and I expect other people to respect that. I can't control what people do in their home, or car, but I can control what they do in MY home or car.

I do believe, that as a recovering addict, I should reach out to help another addict who wants help. However, if someone is smoking crack, they are not reaching out for help. When I was still smoking...help was the farthest thing from my mind. All you can think about is getting MORE crack.

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

Amy, I am so sorry this happened to you. I too let an active crack user move in with me. I met him in AA and he really was trying to get clean. He'd use once every three weeks so I though somehow it was ok to be with him, he was really trying, etc.

It didn't cost me what it cost you (and I am so very sorry your lost your license) and he never brought the drug into my house. He went on these runs and would just be gone. One night he called me and told me he'd been arrested for solicitation of a prostitute. ( Here is how naive I was - we went to an SLAA meeting one night and I sat there wondering what on earth we were sitting there for.) I thought it was a joke, realized it was true, and threw him out. Time passed, I let him back in. Then his sponsor called me to tell me what he was doing. That was it. I threw him out again and that was the end of it.

I suppose at this point I should be more savvy. Maybe I am just so lonely (ok, fessing up here) that I'll have someone like this person in my life just to have ANYONE there. Pathetic, I know, but I guess it's come to this. Time for me to only associate with people who do not use anything. Thanks for sharing your story.
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Old 02-21-2009, 02:42 PM
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Originally Posted by Bamboozle View Post
Katie...honestly I think many of the people who have responded to your threads want to see you get better…we want you to recover.
I know you all do and I have been a mess lately. But I am not giving up the fight. I have so appreciated all of the input in this forum. The last thing I want to do is to not seem like I do. And even though there were some things in this thread I did not want to read, I feel like some sense was knocked into my head.

The other night I felt like I was looking into a mirror - looking at someone who is addicted and it was painful. I wonder how many people have looked at me like that. I wonder how many people have just walked away from me shaking their heads in disgust.

I can appreciate the pain of those who have friends and family who are addicts and post in this forum. It is horrible. Even though I am one, I can still appreciate the pain of watching someone else in active addiction. It must look like we have no regard for others. And I'll shut up now, as I have to go to the pharmacy and then to AA. BIG group hug.
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Old 02-21-2009, 05:53 PM
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Originally Posted by doorknob View Post
Katie, isn't this the same guy who was threatening you with a video?
Is this also the same guy from AA that also gave you wine?
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Old 02-21-2009, 09:26 PM
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Originally Posted by seemethrough View Post
Is this also the same guy from AA that also gave you wine?
Yes, doorknob. Yes, seemethrough. I really don't even like to admit this, as it makes me look certifiable. Hey, maybe I am.

There is something missing in my life and instead of filling it with something positive, I have been choosing to go down a dangerous path ever since I met this guy in person. It was fine to talk on the phone for hours, but meeting in real life triggered something. I am not blaming him, it's on me that I choose to get involved in situations when a more healthy person would just steer clear. What matters now is to stay away. I did go to an AA meeting tonight with my GF. All I can do is do the best I can do - a day at a time.
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Old 02-21-2009, 09:41 PM
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Good idea, Katie. Staying away from this guy is a very good idea!

When we're using, our lives were chaotic and at times just down right crazy. When we get clean, at times it can seem very boring because we're used to the insanity of it all. The important thing is to find healthy things to fill this void. You can still have a lot of excitement, just make sure they are healthy things.

Sounds like you are on your way! It's usually a good idea to follow that gut feeling that we get when certain situations first arise. I'm sure you had some red flags waving concerning this guy when these things first started happening.

Keep it simple, One Day at A Time and remember, you do deserve to be around healthy people in healthy places!

Hugs,
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Old 02-21-2009, 10:36 PM
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Originally Posted by serenityqueen View Post
Good idea, Katie. Staying away from this guy is a very good idea!

When we're using, our lives were chaotic and at times just down right crazy. When we get clean, at times it can seem very boring because we're used to the insanity of it all. The important thing is to find healthy things to fill this void. You can still have a lot of excitement, just make sure they are healthy things.

Sounds like you are on your way! It's usually a good idea to follow that gut feeling that we get when certain situations first arise. I'm sure you had some red flags waving concerning this guy when these things first started happening.

Keep it simple, One Day at A Time and remember, you do deserve to be around healthy people in healthy places!

Hugs,
Judy
:ghug2
Thanks, Judy. I think you hit the nail on the head. Sobriety does seem very boring to me. I am hoping that these new drugs from my shrink are going to allow me to enjoy the simple pleasures in life, which I find boring. There is an element of excitment and danger in approaching people who are dangerous. It makes me feel, feel something other than what I feel as the boredom of sobriety. It also allows me to look at someone else's stuff and escape from having to look at my own. This is probably why I've had a hard time being with any normal man.

I do believe my job is to just accept things as they are and take it one day at a time. Tonight I was depressed sitting in that meeting thinking this is my lot in life...a series of AA meetings I don't like or sitting home alone drinking or getting involved in dangerous situations. This is BAD thinking. I know there are a world of possibilities out there but I am so accustomed to being in AA - struggling - not in AA - drinking. Thank God I rarely venture into the realm of "relationships." Anyway, I am rambling. I did think about a drink tonight, but chose instead to take a Lunesta and wait for it to work. Typing helps me pass the time and keeps my mind off booze and getting myself in trouble. Thanks for your most thoughtful post. If anyone is sick of my posting, just turn me on ignore, K?
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Old 02-22-2009, 07:07 AM
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My AS thinks that the sober life is boring too. This summer i sent him to diabetes camp - his judge actually court ordered it so he had to go. He hated it all of course, all these people were stupid and boring but while there he got to do some repelling, white water canoeing, rock climbing and other sports. He really like it - I think it was that same kind of adrenaline rush. There are other things in life that are exciting but not so damaging of our personal lives - you just need to find other things in your life that are enjoyable. When my son gets out of rehab he's going to go stay with my brother down in florida for a few weeks. My brother is the best man i know, very responsible, but has always loved extreme sports and is always off on some adventure. It drove my poor mom crazy when he was younger but its who he is and he does put safety first. He's going to show my son another side of life - one that is full of excitement but doesnt revolve around drugs.

I'm not saying you should start jumping out of planes or anything crazy just open up your mind to other wonderful experiences in life.
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