Self-Esteem!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Hope Land
Posts: 666
Self-Esteem!
Hi Everyone,
It has been 6 years now since this caos with the crack and now my ex-h started. I have no involvement with him or any caos happening....but what I feel has happened to me is no Self Esteem...I want to do things, but so, so held back. Question it to death and myself doing it and do nothing.
How do you build Self Esteem up?
Rose
It has been 6 years now since this caos with the crack and now my ex-h started. I have no involvement with him or any caos happening....but what I feel has happened to me is no Self Esteem...I want to do things, but so, so held back. Question it to death and myself doing it and do nothing.
How do you build Self Esteem up?
Rose
it's a movie, you're the star
Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 355
hey rose!
great question! i think its super common for (especially) girls/women to have low self esteem after dealing with the chaos and tragedy of addiction. i find that being single has definitely helped my self esteem - independence is amazing, and not relying on a man or other person will TOTALLY help you become more confident. (even relying on partners for little things, like compliments and simple help can make us anyone feel inadequate!)
try exercising and eating healthy, for starters. this totally revamped my self esteem. also try finding a new hobby - you may have some incredible hidden talents just waiting to be discovered.
make new friends, especially girl friends who you can talk to and rely on for support, so you will be less inclined to rely on a new love interest for any void or emptiness.
if you ever need a chick to talk to, feel free to message me! I hope this helped!!
Rachel
great question! i think its super common for (especially) girls/women to have low self esteem after dealing with the chaos and tragedy of addiction. i find that being single has definitely helped my self esteem - independence is amazing, and not relying on a man or other person will TOTALLY help you become more confident. (even relying on partners for little things, like compliments and simple help can make us anyone feel inadequate!)
try exercising and eating healthy, for starters. this totally revamped my self esteem. also try finding a new hobby - you may have some incredible hidden talents just waiting to be discovered.
make new friends, especially girl friends who you can talk to and rely on for support, so you will be less inclined to rely on a new love interest for any void or emptiness.
if you ever need a chick to talk to, feel free to message me! I hope this helped!!
Rachel
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Posts: 1,287
Ahh self-esteem. Growing up with (loving) parents who expected me to do the things that they did not, I never felt good enough.
The key for me so far has been acceptance. I say so far because I am a work in progress.
NO ONE IS PERFECT. NO ONE.
Accepting that I am me and that's just fine. I have good points. I have faults. I am not perfect. When I feel down about myself I try to remind myself that most people feel doubt at some point. I try to let go of what I think others expect of the 'ideal person' and think of the things I like about being me. I remind myself that, everyday, I try to be the best person I can be. In my book, that's a good thing!
Some days, it's harder than others to forgive myself of my imperfections. But every day is a new day to do more.
So try to see the positive things about you and/or the things you do. I can tell you one right now.....you come to SR to share and read....you care enough about yourself to work on yourself and you care enough to share so that others can learn from your ES&H.
Reach out to others. I have found that sharing more and doing more with others keeps me centered on the good instead of wallowing in the self-doubt. PM me too if you ever want to.....hugs!
The key for me so far has been acceptance. I say so far because I am a work in progress.
NO ONE IS PERFECT. NO ONE.
Accepting that I am me and that's just fine. I have good points. I have faults. I am not perfect. When I feel down about myself I try to remind myself that most people feel doubt at some point. I try to let go of what I think others expect of the 'ideal person' and think of the things I like about being me. I remind myself that, everyday, I try to be the best person I can be. In my book, that's a good thing!
Some days, it's harder than others to forgive myself of my imperfections. But every day is a new day to do more.
So try to see the positive things about you and/or the things you do. I can tell you one right now.....you come to SR to share and read....you care enough about yourself to work on yourself and you care enough to share so that others can learn from your ES&H.
Reach out to others. I have found that sharing more and doing more with others keeps me centered on the good instead of wallowing in the self-doubt. PM me too if you ever want to.....hugs!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: eastern Wyoming
Posts: 65
The saying, "Fake it 'til you make it" helped me do things that I would never do without that challenge. And, once I tried even one thing and lived (!) I faced another... and another. It was amazing how my self esteem grew.
I was very shy. Didn't look at people. Didn't speak. Always looked at the floor when I had to go to the grocery store even. My first challenge to myself was to look at a cashier when they said, "Have a nice day" and respond "Thank you. You too." After a few of those, I faked it that I could hold my head up the whole time in the store.
I was in Alanon for three years before exAH left. One of his "digs" at me in the end was that Alanon had made me "brazen." By then, I could just smile and later did a little step work to see if there was any truth to the criticism.
Back in the beginning, I asked my HP to show me one thing I could try. I bet your HP would do the same for you.
I was very shy. Didn't look at people. Didn't speak. Always looked at the floor when I had to go to the grocery store even. My first challenge to myself was to look at a cashier when they said, "Have a nice day" and respond "Thank you. You too." After a few of those, I faked it that I could hold my head up the whole time in the store.
I was in Alanon for three years before exAH left. One of his "digs" at me in the end was that Alanon had made me "brazen." By then, I could just smile and later did a little step work to see if there was any truth to the criticism.
Back in the beginning, I asked my HP to show me one thing I could try. I bet your HP would do the same for you.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Marietta, GA
Posts: 1,453
I agree with Rachel 100%
Independance is empowering!!!!!!! You are one smart young lady and have proven that even us old ladies can learn from the young ladies.
I hope my daughter has that insight at your age. It is something you will carry with you forever. Never will a man (or friend) define you if you remember this. I knew this at your age but had to just now reconnect to that feeling of independance.
Independance is empowering!!!!!!! You are one smart young lady and have proven that even us old ladies can learn from the young ladies.
I hope my daughter has that insight at your age. It is something you will carry with you forever. Never will a man (or friend) define you if you remember this. I knew this at your age but had to just now reconnect to that feeling of independance.
Administrator
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: a better place
Posts: 4,047
Lots of good experience shared here. I realized it was difficult for me to answer your question before I read the responses, because although I know my feelings of self worth have grown over the last few years, i couldn't put my finger on why. Reading the responses, the answer for me was simple...I actively worked my recovery program every day. I start the day thinking positive thoughts and making a mental gratitude list and asking my HP to help me "hear" him today. I avoid drama and seek out others in recovery...I read and go to meetings and come here. I work my steps. Like a recipe, all the ingredients come together and the result is a healthier, more confident person who once again likes me.
Hugs to you Rose..You've got so much to offer the world and it isn't contingent on being in a relationship with anyone but yourself and your HP.
Hugs to you Rose..You've got so much to offer the world and it isn't contingent on being in a relationship with anyone but yourself and your HP.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 584
The old nike saying..........just do it!
We all have times we feel low and there is no self esteem.
I find positive feedback helpful, but the mostly what helps me the most is doing things that make me feel good about myself. Start a walking/ running program, eat better if you have a few pounds to lose get started on a weight program. Ask a friend to join you it is always nice to have someone support you. As woman if there is no man in our lives we don't bother, but really why do it for a man! We need to do things that make us feel good. You need to love yourself before letting someone else love you.
We all have times we feel low and there is no self esteem.
I find positive feedback helpful, but the mostly what helps me the most is doing things that make me feel good about myself. Start a walking/ running program, eat better if you have a few pounds to lose get started on a weight program. Ask a friend to join you it is always nice to have someone support you. As woman if there is no man in our lives we don't bother, but really why do it for a man! We need to do things that make us feel good. You need to love yourself before letting someone else love you.
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