HopeSprings

Playing over and over again in your mind? I've admitted that I am powerless. I've worked the steps, and I've started working them again. But, please tell me, how do I stop these tapes from playing in my mind??

I posted a few days ago about how I'm not sure if my husband has relapsed or not. I can't stop thinking about it and it's driving me INSANE. I can't seem to turn it off. I just want to know, for sure, if he's used or not, if I know that then I have a plan, but here I am stuck in limbo land ruminating on EVERY thing.

I've been praying my head off, I've been reading here, I've been reading my recovery materials, I've thought about calling my "sponsor", but haven't because she is also very close to my husband and I want to be sure of my motivation before I call her. I want to be certain that I'm not just in codie-hell hoping for some drama. I just want to stop these obsessive thoughts.

Serenity Bound

That d*** committee can be very annoying! For me, I have to deliberately turn my thoughts to something else, I admit I have to do this over & over, cause sometimes that committee just won't shut up. I find when I reach out to my sponsor, she usually has some insight that helps me look at things differently. Perhaps there is another program friend you can talk to, since your sponsor is close to your H.

Hugs,
Chris

lovtolaff

Oh my...I spent so much time at the end of my relationship trying to PROVE that YES YOU DID USE BY G*D!! It almost drove me to insanity...seriously. I turned into Nancy Drew and would search the whole house and even outside for any signs of crack use.

You know what? If your gut is telling you that he used - than he probably did. At least that is how it was for me. I would lie to myself constantly and rationalize that "well maybe my gut is wrong this time b/c it's all screwed up from the last few times we've had this situation" but in the end - I was right and deep down I knew it.

I was like you though - if ONLY I knew FOR SURE than I could....blah blah. Well I got tired of wondering all the time when, if, how, where, etc. he would use - so I ended it. My life is so much more peaceful now without "waiting" on an addict to screw up.

Hugs.

winnie12

For me - i get my mind on my own life and not on his. I stay busy with things i need and want to do for me. Go out to dinner with a friend, work hard, play with my daughter, read a book (not about addiction or self-help), organize my closets, anything to stop the images and sounds of my own head. I allow other thoughts to take over. Above all i allow it to live in the past where it belongs and just focus on right now.