advice, prayers...
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2008
Posts: 13
advice, prayers...
Hi everyone,
This is the second or third time I've posted. I don't know whether or not I'm posting for advice, prayers, or just to get my thoughts out. My husband is a "recovering" addict. In the 5 1/2 years we've been together, he has used for 3 of them, oc's his drug of choice. he went to detox last may, and we got married last july. i love him, but question my decision every day. i am so torn, and wonder how much of my own happiness rests on my own "choices". i dropped my husband off today for 30 days, and found out he has used on and off, supposedly, for the past 2 months. I just don't know where I will be mentally when he gets out, and can only worry and question my own happiness at this point. He has lied so many times, and if this is the cycle, who says it won't continue for years to come. I just don't know what to do...I believe he wants to heal, but don't know if that's possible? At this point, I feel I need to look out for myself, I can't be this sad anymore. Any advice, prayers, or own life experience is offered. I am willing to listen
Thank you...
This is the second or third time I've posted. I don't know whether or not I'm posting for advice, prayers, or just to get my thoughts out. My husband is a "recovering" addict. In the 5 1/2 years we've been together, he has used for 3 of them, oc's his drug of choice. he went to detox last may, and we got married last july. i love him, but question my decision every day. i am so torn, and wonder how much of my own happiness rests on my own "choices". i dropped my husband off today for 30 days, and found out he has used on and off, supposedly, for the past 2 months. I just don't know where I will be mentally when he gets out, and can only worry and question my own happiness at this point. He has lied so many times, and if this is the cycle, who says it won't continue for years to come. I just don't know what to do...I believe he wants to heal, but don't know if that's possible? At this point, I feel I need to look out for myself, I can't be this sad anymore. Any advice, prayers, or own life experience is offered. I am willing to listen
Thank you...
Forum Leader
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 10,944
(((katylyn))) I'm so sorry to hear of your pain. You have every right to be confused, frightened and hurt, and you are correct that you need to take care of yourself....you need to be your priority right now.
Others will be along soon who have gone through just exactly what you are now going through. Hugs and prayers, HG
Others will be along soon who have gone through just exactly what you are now going through. Hugs and prayers, HG
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
(((Katylyn))) - I'm sorry for what you're going through.
I'm a recovering addict, and I will say that yes, recovery IS possible, but it's up to the A (addict). Unfortunately, addiction is something we are never cured of. However, we CAN choose recovery, and never go back to using. We just have to work at it.
Some things to think about...the 3 c's..you didn't cause it, can't change it, and you can't cure it. This means that no matter how much you love him, no matter what you do or say, you can't make him get clean.
What you can do is set boundaries of what you will tolerate. There will be others along more that will explain this, but the main thing is, to focus on you.
Have you considered al-anon or nar-anon meetings? They will give you f2f support from people who are going through the exact same thing. They won't tell you how to "fix" him, but how to focus on you.
You're absolutely right...you shouldn't have to feel this sad any more. This site is filled with some wonderful people who know exactly what you are going through. I hope you read through some other posts...you'll realize you're not alone.
Keep reading and posting..you're among friends.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
I'm a recovering addict, and I will say that yes, recovery IS possible, but it's up to the A (addict). Unfortunately, addiction is something we are never cured of. However, we CAN choose recovery, and never go back to using. We just have to work at it.
Some things to think about...the 3 c's..you didn't cause it, can't change it, and you can't cure it. This means that no matter how much you love him, no matter what you do or say, you can't make him get clean.
What you can do is set boundaries of what you will tolerate. There will be others along more that will explain this, but the main thing is, to focus on you.
Have you considered al-anon or nar-anon meetings? They will give you f2f support from people who are going through the exact same thing. They won't tell you how to "fix" him, but how to focus on you.
You're absolutely right...you shouldn't have to feel this sad any more. This site is filled with some wonderful people who know exactly what you are going through. I hope you read through some other posts...you'll realize you're not alone.
Keep reading and posting..you're among friends.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
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