bognot1977

Am I the only one or are there others that have expressed to AH/AW/ABF/AGF parents the extreme importance of not enabling?

My MIL is fully aware of AH's addiction and has known from the crack years. Currently it's heroin. I have taken her to support meetings, given her literature to read on how to cope with an addict, etc.

AH lives with his mother and she continues to give him money, fix him sandwiches, got him a cell phone. This man is 34 years old. She is paying his credit card bills.

I'm utterly frustrated. We went to lunch today to communicate as to the fate of her son and I. At her request. I felt like she blamed me. Like I was giving up on him. Just shocked that I would divorce him. (And yes, I am, "effing" divorcing him) WTF? I kept my cool, but really wanted to just yell at her. She has no idea. BUT, then again, he's only lived with her approximately a week or so. It's all a matter of time, Lady.

I've been dragged though the depths of h+ll and back. Humiliated a million times over. I have severed relationships with MY family and lost close friends due to him. They could no longer watch me torture myself.

I'm venting. Do any of you feel that inlaws are misinformed or have absolutely no clue at times? It makes leaving all the more easier, I must say that.

I appreciate this site more than words. It's such a saving grace.

Love,

Maelynn

longview

It's amazing how damaging that can be. My exAH left because one of the side effects of my going to Alanon was using our money to buy food. His mom and sister bought a small house for him to live in, subsidized his small wages when he worked and after he couldn't began paying for everything. Food, booze, utilities, booze, clothes, boo... you get the idea.

He's 53 maybe 54 now, had several small strokes, can't feel his legs, can't see out of the left side of both eyes, has alcoholic dementia (diagnosed). They call his drunks "seizures."

I didn't trash them or him to the kids. We've been divorced 16 years. The children figured out everything in their own time and grieved in their own ways.

I can only pray for all of them.

outtolunch

Can't control the enablers anymore than we can control someone addicted, or not.

I suspect MIL is in for the ride of her life. That's her choice.

Good for you that you are taking care of yourself.

suzieq1972

Once our divorce was final my XAH's father and step-mother took my place. They are now trying to rescue him. Everything they told me not to do while we were still married they are now doing themselves.



Sue

rose

Oh ya!
I went through the same thing with my in-laws. When my husband first went to live with them (because I was treating badly, would not let him have my vehicle, cell phone and would not let him in the house high on crack when he was really trying) they would lie to me when I asked how he was doing, they would tell me his is doing really well. Well they could not lie when he overdosed on heroin and had to be revived again, then back to jail because he was ordered to stay away from illicit drugs. Now the truth came out, they gave him a cell...it racked it right up, gave him their truck...smashed it all up....ran a prositute ring out of their trailor park. They had all their locks changed on their home....but tell me his is doing really good.

We no longer have any relationship...they just bury their head in the sand and yes they blame me.

Rose