MrsMagoo

Ohhhhhhh, please don't be proud of me yet. I'm sitting here about to hyperventalite all of a sudden. My arrest and feeling of betrayal is still fresh. I need to make sure this isn't some twisted form of retaliation on my part. I wish he would just leave instead of laying around my house making ME and the kids feel uncomfortable!

MrsMagoo

Alright- no need to be proud of me.

My son just called and asked where John was going cause he had a big bag. He said he had to go away for a while.

I called AH to ask him where he was going and oh, the accusations! I got my way, I ruined his life, I couldn't just leave well enough alone and trust that he was doing what he needed to do, he's going to be at my court date to tell the judge what a liar and manipulator I am, he's not doing this for me, he's doing this for him and his daughter (good-otherwise it would be wrong!), I never loved him because I'm too selfish to love anybody but myself...on and on and on.

He won't tell me where he's going because its none of my *#*%$& business. I am supposed to get into a car accident on my way home and break my neck and die.

Is this normal? He says I pushed him too hard and he going somewhere but not where he needs to go. What does that mean?

MrsMagoo

He was SCREAMING at me - just screaming. Called me three times to scream at me but I stayed cool and didn't holler back.

Serenity Bound

Now I know you're not asking if what an addict says or does is normal.

What he means is that because of YOU, he's now got to get out & d*@$, it's all your fault!!! ()

Guilt, fault, quack, quack.

I hope you have a really good meeting tonight!

Hugs,
Chris

MrsMagoo

Anvil - you are right. I did want him to leave and I swear that's not what I'm upset about. I just didn't expect the hatred and bone chilling contempt and threats.

If I had done what I planned on doing tonight - I could understand why I'd be to blame and he would want me dead but by giving him an ultimatum???

I am so glad he's gone!!! I feel some peace and my nerves are already unknotting a little bit.

MrsMagoo

I'm not going to answer. I don't think he'll be able to make many calls anyway but just in case he's blowing smoke and not going anywhere other than someplace to get high, I won't answer the phone.

I remember someone telling Callie that.

winnie12

All this means is that you called his bluff and you forced his hand. Yes in the addict world this IS normal. This is a threat because you wont play his game anymore. You say no more and he goes into a tirade - certainly the way its always worked in my home. I cant begin to tell you the amount of screaming, cusing, name calling, blaming, threats, abuse, etc. that i've gone through. But in the end your goal, as i understand, it was to get him out of the house tonite then you succeeded. GOOD FOR YOU!!!!! He's backed in a corner and kicking like a child - his usual lines arent working anymore so out of desperation he throws a temper tantrum.

Where he goes tonite is his problem - what he does tonite is his problem. Dont answer the phone - dont talk to him.

rayofsunshine

MM... There is NO understanding their thinking. We'll never figure out why they act or do say the things they do. Don't frustrate yourself by trying to figure it out. Thats part of the insanity of addiction! Just stay strong and know you're doing what's right for YOUR sanity and peace of mind. Hopefully, in his time alone, where ever he goes, he'll be able to figure out he needs help with his addiction. If not, you'll be prepared.

(((HUGS)))

Freedom1990

He was backed into a corner. He's pi$$ed because you're not co-signing his BS anymore.

Don't take anymore calls from him, period. That's an order, or I shall be forced to let loose my 30 pound boxer mix who will slather you to death with sloppy kisses!

Callie

Good for you MM - I agree with Anvil about getting the locks changed. I had to do that. I'm not sure if your AH would take things and pawn them, but it may be worth your while to ensure he's not in your home when you're not there.

I'd also avoid all calls from him for now and let him cool down. Don't feel the guilt that he's trying to impose. I also agree that a suicide threat is the next step. My AH did that the very day he went into rehab (wanting to come home). I believe it or not told him to get himself to the ER.

I know this is hard and heartbreaking. The best that you can do is remain the adult and not engage in his hateful words. I KNOW it's hard (Lord knows I had a tough time swallowing that pill!). Hang in there and I'm proud of you. You're doing the right thing for all involved.

kj3880

That's why it is important not to answer the phone, then you don't have to hear and worry over the suicide threats. If he leaves you messages, I don't think you should listen to them.

I'll tell you what my stalker ex did after I stopped taking his calls: He began first calling from other numbers. I have caller ID and if I didn't know the number, I'd let it go to voice mail, and I had the ex-parte covering no phone contact, so I took those messages to the court and used them for evidence to get him arrested. It took two arrests and a couple of nights in jail to teach him to leave me alone. It takes what it takes.

He also started contacting everyone we knew, including the judges that I work with at my business, but they could tell he was deranged. Judges have heard it all, MM, and they won't be impressed by your AH's tale of woe. They will know it's BS.

I don't think you have anything to lose by talking to your social worker friend. If she can help you, she probably will, and if not, she may very well be a good source of legal advice to you. I don't understand why you think it is extreme to call this social worker. In my opinion, it is a very mild action to take compared to what you could be doing, ie: having his butt locked up, putting him out forceably, denying him all visitation, filing for divorce. Calling the social worker seems like a good first step in this journey of yours.

Love,
KJ

MrsMagoo

Hey ya'll. I'm back from my meeting (which was good and encouraging). I was very slightly worried that he might be here when I got home but he wasn't. I left my phone in my van while I was at the meeting so I wouldn't be distracted or tempted too. He hasn't called again since the verbal vomit this afternoon.

I've been through the house and see that he hasn't taken anything but the bare necessities. Nothing is missing except some clothes and his Rx's - not a pillow, not the hair gel, nothing but what he would be able to approved into a detox or rehab place. I did tell you that he said I had gotten my way right? That leads me to believe that he's gone to a rehab but probably a religious one because he did not want to go to a religious one. He said that I didn't give him time to do what was best for him and I didn't trust that he was working toward finding a bed in a rehab but instead pushed him into something he did not want which could only be a religious rehab or the streets and he didn't take anything for the streets (the pillow or blanket or electronics).

I will close my eyes and sleep well knowing that we are safe and he is safe as well and it is out of my hands. I did what I was supposed to do. I followed ya'll's lead and not my heart and IT WORKED!!! WHEW!

I know the fight is on now but not tonight. I hope he gets clean but if he doesn't, he just doesn't and I'll figure out something to tell his daughter one day to soften the blow of not being enough to make her daddy feel like "King of the World" when crack or heroin could.

I don't know about you but my kids make me feel like a queen with every breath they take. I know that I am dependable and they know it too. They know they can count on me with their hurts, secrets, hopes and dreams. Being dependable and having integrity are very important traits and I wouldn't trade them for 5 minutes of bliss and a lifetime of hell.

Thank you again for all your support. I feel strong right now. Tomorrow may be a different story but right now....I feel peace.

MrsMagoo

Darn KJ!! I hope it doesn't come down to that! I'm sorta like you - I know everybody in the legal system and they know me and have for a long time. I'm not too worried that they would think me capable of the things he threatens to enlighten them about but I do worry that they will wonder "where the he!! did I find this guy?".

kj3880

Well, they wondered that about me, too. Where did this lovely, together woman (see? I'm feeling much better about myself since I got rid of him!) find this loser? But you know what? Everyone has a woman in their family that is married to someone inappropriate. So they will understand. And most women have dated a "bad boy" that caused them heartache at some point. You're not crazy. They'll see that clearly, and they'll admire you for TCB. And anyway, those that matter, don't mind. And those that mind? They just don't matter!
Love ya!
KJ

winnie12

WOW how your posts have changed since the first on this thread! I'm so proud of you! Its amazing to watch the doubt to turn into resolve as someone works through a problem. What you said above is what i also cling to. When I cant do it for myself I do it for my children. They have a right to have one person in their life they can depend on. On those days that i just dont feel like i can get out of bed and do it again I look at my daughter and know that she deserves more than a mom who has given up.

I will keep you and your family in my prayers over these next days.

nytepassion

Addiction has a voice and it is speaking through John, Try not to take it personally. This is the wrath that is unleashed when the addiction is threatened or made uncomfortable.

The addition is throwing a temper tantrum, stomping around, yelling, screaming, cussing, blaming .. why? Because it didn't get its way. Sure it would rather sit around your house and have a safe, comfortable place to use, while watching tv and eating your food, sleeping in a warm bed. But you had to ruin it all - you big bad person you .. this is all your fault (blame, quack, blame) so he will leave and go some where else, any where else, but not to treatment. He'll show you.

Stay strong, stand your ground.

winnie12

This is one area where its easier to be the parent then the SO of addiction. When my son throws the temper tantrum for drugs it is so similar to when he was a toddler throwing a temper tantrum because he didnt get something he wanted. makes it easier for me to see through what is going on.

MrsMagoo

Thank you and AMEN!!

I had a good day. I did 8 hours of community service and then went to a dinner at my friend's house that babysat my daughter today, with some people from my Celebrate Recovery group. I needed that.

I've got the baby in bed and I'm gonna take a shower and crawl into bed. I don't have the new word "no" down pat yet as I got suckered into working the nursery tomorrow at church (forgive me God). I just don't like nursery duty.

I have not heard from my husband today but I didn't really expect to either. Everything is quiet and I need quiet right now. I am hoping things will be quiet for him soon too but if it's not - I'm not going to let it be my/our problem.

Let me ask a question of those of you with children or who have been children of addicts/alchoholics:

Do your kids resent you for any of your behaviors or choices?

MrsMagoo

This may sound ridiculous, but will he understand one day that I did this out of love and not out of hatred?

serenityqueen