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So very tired . . .

Old 02-18-2009, 09:06 AM
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So very tired . . .

Oh my friends -I am so so so very tired -

My atty called me yesterday - left a message on my cell - he is mailing me a copy of the divorce papers ex filed.

Ex IS asking for 1/2 retirement, 1/2 value of vehicle, and SPOUSAL SUPPORT! - who knows what else - probably needs my kidneys, lungs and 1/2 my blood too!

And at this point in my life - reality is that I know he will win. If you admit it - you know how most A's are - they always win - always manage to get out of those DUI's, reduced sentences, throw out of court, drive for yrs without licenses, no insurance, never doing any of the things required by the law and ALWAYS getting away with it.

Please, Please to our friends on here that are recovering A's - this is in no way a hurtful remark against you - You are so special to my heart!! Impurfect, Anvil, Cook, and many, many more of you - I know the battles you have fought to do the Next Right Thing - I'm talking about those who never, ever do the Next Right Thing. Who constantly relapse, use people and take advantage of the system and their loved ones.

This is the behavior I get from a man who still texts me every morning "Have a Blessed Day" and almost every night "Just got out of a wonderful meeting, hope you have a great nite, get some rest."

We cannot win this battle - you cannot beat this awful disease. It will not only take every ounce of your self-esteem but it will take every resource of your financial well-being, ounce of energy and bit of dignity you ever hoped to have.

Oh my friends - run don't walk away. I don't usually tell you what to do - I try to let you find your own way - but no one should ever have to walk this path.

I am too tired to fight today-too tired to care - too tired to breathe.

This is just so exhausting.
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Old 02-18-2009, 09:12 AM
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I'm so sorry, what does your attorney say? I cannot think that this is possible? Can you try to reason with him at all? I'm not sure if your AH is still using or how long you've been married, but I from my perspective I'd fight this one hard. You've fought your way through addiction with your AH, this is your last big battle. In the end, what will be, but this is a very tough pill for me to swallow.

Again, I'm so sorry.
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Old 02-18-2009, 09:14 AM
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(((Rita))) - I'm so sorry, sweetie. I can hear the exhaustion in your post, and it is bone deep. I don't care, I would still fight the darned spousal support, but then I'm here, and you're there.

No matter what, I am sending you tons and tons of love, hugs and prayers. Maybe your lawyer can adjust the spousal support to an amount that makes sense...like $1/month?

No one SHOULD have to go through this, and you definitely shouldn't have to. Just remember, sweetie...God has you in the palm of His hand and you're going to be okay, no matter what.

Hugs and prayers!

Amy
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Old 02-18-2009, 09:17 AM
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Rita, I am so sorry.
With all the hope in my heart, I hope your attorney can beat this.
IT is neither right nor fair!
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Old 02-18-2009, 09:19 AM
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Wow. I'm so sorry to hear about this. But I can feel your hurt and I sympathize with your words. And you're right. It always seems like they win doesn't it? I hate that. Someone's always rescuing them, someone's always giving them the easy way out while we pick up the broken peices from the mess they've made.
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Old 02-18-2009, 10:33 AM
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Have you thought about getting a second opinion? not every attorney has the experience for every case. it cant hurt to just talk to someone else to see if they have any other ideas.
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Old 02-18-2009, 10:42 AM
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I'm so sorry Japic! It is unfair.

Unfortunately, this is how our laws work, and thank you for sharing the reality. Saying you will NEVER let this that or the other thing happen - we just have no control in this arena and I'm sure this is a "reality" for others who may be facing a similar situation (forewarned is forarmed!). The law is what it is. It is frustrating beyond belief! No wonder you are exhausted!

Like Anvil and the others, I will hold out hope that something fair can be done and will be done - without massive amounts of legal fees!

The gall to keep asking for more. The entitlement. The inability to feel healthy pride in themselves and to accept what they have created and not cause any more pain and grief... Grrrrrr

I'm sending you lots of hugs!
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Old 02-18-2009, 11:02 AM
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Originally Posted by Japic05 View Post
Ex IS asking for 1/2 retirement, 1/2 value of vehicle, and SPOUSAL SUPPORT! - who knows what else - probably needs my kidneys, lungs and 1/2 my blood too!

And at this point in my life - reality is that I know he will win. If you admit it - you know how most A's are - they always win - always manage to get out of those DUI's, reduced sentences, throw out of court, drive for yrs without licenses, no insurance, never doing any of the things required by the law and ALWAYS getting away with it.
(((Rita))) I'll keep you in my prayers and know that God is always fair and just, I hope in this case your A gets little or none of the things that he's asking for.

Years ago, an old-timer taught me this prayer to give me a little comfort in dealing with resentments I had towards my kids step-dad......

God, please bless _ _ _ with a life beyond his wildest dreams and expectations, let him be happy, joyous, and free.

Then he told me to spit in the ground and say "f _ _ _ him".

It really did help!
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Old 02-18-2009, 11:10 AM
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Divorce is always a bad experience (trust me...I know) and to have it wrapped up with an addict's behavior -- you are at a level of pain and hurt that has my deepest sympathies.

Take a deep breath, rest and move forward. Sending prayers and wishes that the end result if what you anticipate and deserve.
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Old 02-18-2009, 11:11 AM
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oh (((Rita))) I am so darn sorry you are going through this...prayers for you and your legal support and that the outcome of all of this will be for 'your' highest good..:ghug3
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Old 02-18-2009, 11:42 AM
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Rita,

I'm sorry you are feeling the way you do and also hold out hope for a better outcome. I know your feeling down and maybe a little defeated... your feelings are valid. But from friend to friend... sister to sister.. take a deep breath, look around you.. you are out of the home and dont have a front seat to his addiction anymore.. and while he is filing for divorce and trying to take so much from you.. I want you to stand up and fight this... I believe you can. We all say we admire how strong you are, the strength you have and your recovery is something we all strive for. Dont give up, dont give in to him, try as hard as you can to fight for your rights, money, retirement, the house, and the car. Dont hand it to him... talk to your lawyer if the lawyer doesnt help start calling other lawyers. They usually give a free consultation. They say to pick and choose our battles this is one for you. Take this as high as you can.. I could feel you have this in you Rita.

I'm speaking from my heart Rita and would say all the same to my best friend. I wish i could give you such a big hug. We are here for you!!

Hugs,
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Old 02-18-2009, 11:47 AM
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(((Rita)))
I'm going to be optimistic in this post. We can't possibly know what's going to happen when this goes to court.


If his history is known maybe that will be a determining factor????
Did he ever contribute to to the marriage monetarily?
I may be naive, Rita, but I think you have a chance on this .

I've got big prayers going out for this one!
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Old 02-18-2009, 11:50 AM
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Spousal support is based on a few factors and, if you haven't asked your attorney about them yet, fault is one of them. Your husband is not without fault and any competent attorney will run with that.

After everything you've gone through, this divorce is probably your easiest battle. You've fought all the other battles with help from friends, possibly family, and your Higher Power. Now you have additional help and the end is near.

It's a marathon you're running and you're close to the finish line. We're all cheering you on and if you need extra Gatorade (meetings and this forum), keep reaching out
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Old 02-18-2009, 11:56 AM
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I know the laws in your state are tough on this one, but is there any help since he "broke the marriage" due to actions which are recognized by most states??? I know here, that would be the only way if he can prove disability, or inability to work.

Whatever happens hugs, and remember atleast your not living with him in the same home, and the immediate drama. Drama is still there but we all know not finding them passed out and weird messes brings a little peace
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Old 02-18-2009, 12:10 PM
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Rita, I'm sending you lots & lots of hugs & prayers. Prayers for your strength & prayers that you my friend will come out on top!

Chris
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Old 02-18-2009, 12:38 PM
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Hugs and Prayers, Rita. In NC, alcholism or drug addiction is a fault reason for divorce.
Proving that may be more difficult though. I agree with the others, consult a few other divorce attorneys for the "free" consultation, just to make sure YOU are taken care of.
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Old 02-18-2009, 01:00 PM
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Thanks to each of you for your love and support.

Louisiana is a "no vault" divorce state. My atty is the President of the Domestic Counsel for my home Parish (that's county for y'all) so I do have a very qualified atty.

The laws in my state and many of yours do not care about right or wrong - addict/alcoholic or sober. Basically they take the assets of the marriage and split them half & half. Because I make more money than he does on paper - he is entitled to spousal support.

Fair or not fair - doesn't really matter. All that matters to a Judge is black and white. The drug addiction/alcoholism is not an allowable factor in this state because of the NO FAULT divorce.

I will be meeting with my atty next week - of course we will try to counter offer to see what we can do - but bottom line is there is a good possibility that there is nothing to protect me or any of YOU from this situation.
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Old 02-18-2009, 01:39 PM
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Japoic I actually found the louisiana statute that covers spousal support and it says the following:


CHAPTER 2. PROVISIONAL AND INCIDENTAL
PROCEEDINGS

SECTION 1. SPOUSAL SUPPORT
Art. 111. Spousal support; authority of court
In a proceeding for divorce or thereafter, the court may award interim periodic support to a party or may award final periodic support to a party who is in need of support and who is free from fault prior to the filing of a proceeding to terminate the marriage in accordance with the following Articles...

Art. 112. Determination of final periodic support
A. When a spouse has not been at fault and is in need of support, based on the needs of that party and the ability of the other party to pay, that spouse may be awarded final periodic support in accordance with Paragraph B of this Article.



Amended by Acts 1928, No. 130; Acts 1979, No. 72, 1; Acts 1990, No. 361, 1, eff. Jan. 1, 1991; Acts 1997, No. 1078, 1, eff. Jan. 1, 1998; Acts 2006, No. 749, 1, eff. June 30, 2006.
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Old 02-18-2009, 02:04 PM
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Winnie - I appreciate the research.
BUT I am not uneducated. I know what this says. But I also know the Parish and the Court system in LOUISIANA.

When you live in an area where am man can molest his daughter for over 10 yrs and his ex wife still have to share half of the marriage assets with him - trust me they are NOT going to let a little thing like a drug addiction/alcoholism/gambling issue keep him from getting half of everything that I have worked for during the 16 plus years that we have been married.

Once again - we are a NO FAULT divorce state - drugs, alcohol, abuse, molestation - Good Guy/Bad Guy - none of this matters. This is not something that I am just have a bad day about - this is the cold hard facts of life.

AND it SUCKS!

I appreciate you trying to help - my atty said he will try to counter with other options but bottom line is that it is a good possibility and all we can hope for is that if it is awarded that it will only be temporary.

So for all of you who are married to an A - stay out of LOUISIANA!!!!
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Old 02-18-2009, 02:15 PM
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No-Fault States are really cut and dry. CA is one too.

I think the only reason my XAH didn't come after me for alimony (because on "paper" I made more than him) was he didn't want his family to think he needed my money. I'm sure that's the only reason - he's very competitive with his two brothers who are successful. Whew for me - they all live within 20 miles of us, and I would have let them know (just because I'm that way ) - but he dropped it.

I will be hoping that your soon to be Ex gets some back-lash that embarrasses him into withdrawing these financial demands!

Don't you wish you could demand that at least half the emotions, energy, time, etc. could be paid back to you? Or at least be able to use it to bargain with for real? I know this is a pointless direction to go - we all know that, but sometimes - don't you just wanna ....

(((hugs)))
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