cece1960

I can't tell you how much I needed to read this thread, and I thank you for your honesty and courage.
I'll keep your son in my prayers
(((Hugs)))

winnie12

This is so hard for a parent. When they are born we are filled with so much hope at what a wonderful life they will have. We are their cheerleaders all their life and always see their strengths miles ahead of their weaknesses. We know that they can do anything. Then the anything they choose has nothing to do with what our image of their life was going to be. We realize that its not going to be college, a good job, a happy marriage, children - its going to instead take a detour into a dark world.

I try to remember that this is his life and not mine and just becuase he's on a detour right now doesnt mean that eventually he wont circle around and get his life back. There's no guarantees. Some can work it out and others cant -I just keep praying that HP has a plan and a path for him that will lead him to a safe and happy life. The only thing I can do is pray and stay out of the way.

Freedom1990

This really struck a chord with me. I was stuck in the grief process for a long time with my 31 year old AD, and didn't even realize it. I don't know of any parent who doesn't have dreams for their kids when they are growing up.

My AD is incredibly bright. She was tested for the gifted program in 4th grade. She was eligible to start taking college classes when she was a freshman in high school.

I never got to see her get her high school diploma. Her dad and I made the decision to emancipate her at age 17 because by that time she was pregnant, refused to attend school anymore, and there was nothing else to be done but let her go and face the consequences of her decisions.

I kept getting stuck in that grief process over the years, not realizing that fed into my enabling for a long time. Once I was able to accept that those dreams had died, that it really was okay even though I didn't like it, I started to make progress.

Both of my girls have walked to the beat of a different drum. My youngest daughter (almost 21 now and living with me) has been a binge drinker in the past, but I am starting to see that she has really hooked into the codependent side of this family disease.

She didn't graduate either, and I was so knotted up I was physically ill. She was 1 1/2 credits short, which she could have gotten through online classes and still gotten her diploma. I was on her like white on rice through her senior year, and it did nothing but knot me up more and didn't change a darned thing about what she did/didn't do.

I have learned to let go and let God. I have learned to let go of what I had in my head for either of those girls' futures.

The amazing thing is since I found acceptance, and really let go, I have seen more maturity in my 20 year old than I thought I would ever see.

That was through nothing I did other than to let her deal with her own stuff, and stay with my own recovery.

As for my oldest AD, she's more than likely going to get disability due to "social anxiety" and a host of other things. The only reason she's not using illegal drugs right now is she found a psychiatrist and doctor who prescribe things like xanax to keep her loaded. She's morbidly obese as she's a compulsive overeater. She already has chronic obstructive pulmonary disease at age 31 from smoking pot daily for 15 years, and still smokes cigarettes. That is her life, and I accept it.

I will keep you, your husband, and your son in my prayers. :ghug :ghug

ksh21e

Thank you for your response. I really like your quote about the love of an old dog. We've had two dogs for years and I got a new puppy on my birthday in January. He's been a real blessing to me by keeping my mind occupied. The funny thing is, I had an absolute yearning to get this puppy and even had a name picked out before I had picked out the dog! I think my HP was moving me to add this little feller to my life because He knew I would need it. I figure if my HP can do such a small thing, he can do big things too. I just keep praying and praying since there's nothing else I can do.

Do you suppose these things happen just to get us on our knees? I know I certainly wouldn't be spending so much time on mine if we weren't dealing with this. Anyway, thanks again. I appreciate your support.

Seren

It's been about 1 week now since my BF or any other family member has spoken with his addict son. His son's departure had a similar "nobody supports me and you'll never be bothered with me again" tone. I know the fear and the slowing of time as we wonder how it will all end--and realizing that it may end badly. You are all in my prayers while we all wait and hope for the HP of all addicts works out the plan.

Hugs, HG

Serenity Bound

I completely understand about the loss of dreams for our children. My AD certainly took a detour of what life I had hoped for her. But then again, it is her life.

I also understand as a Mom, the guilty feeling, the 3 C's has certainly helped me and my Nar-anon meetings are a blessing.

Sometimes, I feel that perhaps this didn't happen to bring me to my knees, however because it happened I have learned quite alot about ME.

Keeping you, your husband & your AS in my prayers.

Hugs,
Chris

Ann

My son has been missing for over 4 years and what helps me is to say a prayer each morning and give him to the care of God. That leaves me free to find the beauty in each day and live my life in a happy way free of fear and guilt.

I could not save my son, I spent years and thousands of dollars trying. All the love in the world cannot save our addicts, if it could, not one of us would be here.

I learned that I could not rescue him from his hell and that if I hung on long enough I would end up in hell with him. So I work my program, pray for my son, and hope that one day he will find his own light and follow it to a better path.

Your son is in my prayers, may he find a better path soon and connect with you to let you know he is okay.

Hugs

AquaBlue

Hi Ksh21e,

Glad you're here. We're going through the same thing, same DOC, with our son.
Just wanted to send mom hugs and I'll pray for you and your husband and your son. I pray that your husband opens up to some support, I know it's hard for some men (people), but I think he'd be surprised at how beneficial it would be. Would he ever sit beside you as you read the posts here? Even though my husband wouldn't sit here, he does like to hear what I read to him from this forum, it has helped him.

:praying