Please pray for son
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Marietta, GA
Posts: 1,453
They let him call me again and he is just adament that he wants out of rehab and sent to the ydc rehab - basically he wants back in jail. I just cant wrap my head around why a kid would rather be in jail then have some freedom. I do know if he insists that he'll end up running just to make that happen. I'm just at a loss right now but i guess he'll do what he has to do - just not sure he realizes what that means and of course this also means that I'll probably be going through yet another upheaval soon.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 20
Originally Posted by winnie12 
I just cant wrap my head around why a kid would rather be in jail then have some freedom.
((winnie))
Prayers for you and your son.
As others have said, the early days are such an emotional rollercoaster.
I know what you mean about jail, but he's not thinking right now.
Keeping you both in my thoughts,
resting
get it, give it, grow in it
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Calif coast
Posts: 3,167
When my son was in his first several mos. of rehab his someone called me weekly with an update...and it wall all negative news about how he was breaking rules, stealing meds,
inapprop. behav. etc.
Then what was I suppose to do with this info. ?
I learned to breathe, and I practiced letting go, and turning it over.
I know my son had to bear the consequences of his poor choices and also learn how to cope. Without drugs the only coping strategy they have is to RUN.
This is a process they MUST go through. Whatever choices they make leads them to the next lesson.
May your son dig deep and find the strength/courage to get to the next level.
inapprop. behav. etc.
Then what was I suppose to do with this info. ?
I learned to breathe, and I practiced letting go, and turning it over.
I know my son had to bear the consequences of his poor choices and also learn how to cope. Without drugs the only coping strategy they have is to RUN.
This is a process they MUST go through. Whatever choices they make leads them to the next lesson.
May your son dig deep and find the strength/courage to get to the next level.
the girl can't help it
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: splendraville
Posts: 5,599
Oh ((((winnie12)))))
I am so sorry your son is having such a hard time. I will be praying for him and for you too.
Remember to keep the focus on yourself to me it totally is the golden rule for us codies.
I am so sorry your son is having such a hard time. I will be praying for him and for you too.
Remember to keep the focus on yourself to me it totally is the golden rule for us codies.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: At the zoo
Posts: 244
Winnie
I pray that your son will end up just where he's supposed to be.
And prayers that you can find some sense of peace with all of this. You really haven't had it easy with all of this, mom hugs for you....
I pray that your son will end up just where he's supposed to be.
And prayers that you can find some sense of peace with all of this. You really haven't had it easy with all of this, mom hugs for you....
Member
Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 1,906
Are his counselors aware that he wants out? Of course he could sabotage his stay there to get kicked out on purpose. I'd try to talk to the counselors about nipping this in the bud before it happens?? Can you talk with his PO and have him make some consequences if he does that? I know when AH went to rehab I had about 2 days peace, then the whole insurance crap started and it's been neverending since them. I'm sorry you are going through this.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 234
My guess would be that in jail no one is forcing him to see what he has become, and facing that he is an adict is bound to be the hardest thing he has ever done. Therefore, making jail the lesser of 2 evils in his eyes at the moment. My AS also tried to get kicked out of rehab after 2 weeks when we refused to go get him and they refused to kick him out he seems to be in a better place with what is going on in his life. At least I pray that his new attitude is for real and not just a show as in yet another way to get out of rehab. Be strong!!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 584
Winnie,
My heart is heavy for both of you and I will be praying. I think I would go to the rehab and talk with your son and the staff. I would make sure he is not feeling threatened in anyway. As a mom I would just have to make sure, if he is not, then I would try talking to him face to face giving him the pep talk and a hug. I feel so bad for you both I know how hard this has been for you. ((((Hugs))))
My heart is heavy for both of you and I will be praying. I think I would go to the rehab and talk with your son and the staff. I would make sure he is not feeling threatened in anyway. As a mom I would just have to make sure, if he is not, then I would try talking to him face to face giving him the pep talk and a hug. I feel so bad for you both I know how hard this has been for you. ((((Hugs))))
Administrator
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: a better place
Posts: 4,047
Prayers going out for you and your son, Winnie. This really is an opportunity for him...I think the situation has happened for a reason and it will play out just as it should.
I've learned that the "just as it should" isn't always or even often, just how "I" think it should.
Of course, it still hurts to see your child hurting. There's a reason Winnie, and more will be revealed...Hugs
I've learned that the "just as it should" isn't always or even often, just how "I" think it should.
Of course, it still hurts to see your child hurting. There's a reason Winnie, and more will be revealed...Hugs
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Marietta, GA
Posts: 1,453
Callie, they did let me talk to him twice yesterday and i tried to give him a pep talk. He knows he can do this he just feels overwhelmed and wants to give up. I did tell them to watch him closely - they said they always do when they have had an incident and they had an adult assigned to watching each child last night. They were also going to try to get some of the kids who were further in the program to work with him and try to get through to him.
Outtolunch, he made it about 3 weeks before when he bolted - so yeah we're close. At least this time he is talking to people instead of just doing it - its a baby step but a step nonetheless. Even rehab says he needs to give it a month or two before he's going to be used to this. They also said they have a lot of new kids in there so many of them are very early in recovery and that's harder. Most of these kids are either court ordered or parent ordered to be there - very few are there because they choose to be so the beginning stages can be really rough.
In jail they do have some therapy but not as much as he is having. He says he's just used to jail and feels safe there - that there arent as many temptations there. He's spent so much time in jail over the last year that i think he's just comfortable there - that alone saddens me more than anything. Its like he's becomming institutionalized. he does do well in jail - follows all the rules, gets along with guards, never has a problem in there because he just conforms in there. With the freedoms in the rehab he has to conform himself and i think that's where he is having trouble becuase he just doesnt know how to do it on his own. Its easy to do the right thing when you cant sneak out.
I think he still has some glimmer of hope that the court will just let him come home and do outpatient so i had to remind him that a year ago they tried it that way and he blew that chance - now he's got to face the consequences. I had to remind him that if he did come home he's already shown that he's still going to use or he would end up getting in trouble shoplifting or commitmitting another crime. That whole sunglass shoplifting incident still weighs on me and was validation to me that he isnt ready to be in the real world and he has to see that even though he didnt get caught that he prooved that he isnt ready for a chance in the real world. He didnt argue - the thing is he knows right from wrong and he knows that he cant be trusted to do this on his own.
I dont think that he is trying to make me feel bad or rescue him. He never asked me to do anything for him - just told me how he was feeling and what he wanted to do. He knows I cant do anything anyway. I only asked him to really think about this before he did anything because his choice right now could affect his life forever. I told him that I dont want to see him change from who he is anymore than he already has and that a year in ydc could change him forever. Its just that it is all sinking in with him now - he's having to face the consquence for all his drug use and criminal behavior - there's no way out of it so he's comparing the lessor of two evils - he hates where he is so naively thinks that the other way would be easier. I think that i'm going to try to get him to just give it a month - at least until he gets a short leave before he talks to the court about a change. If he could get 4-6 weeks under his belt then he may see that this is better and he might not want to start over in a new program. When i do talk to him again that is what i'm going to suggest - even if he did want a change it would take that long to get him into the other program anyway. I've also got a call into our court counselor - I'm hoping that she can stop by and see him and maybe get him to understand the realities of what he is asking for. If after a month he is still pushing this then maybe we have to let him go somewhere that is more secure.
Outtolunch, he made it about 3 weeks before when he bolted - so yeah we're close. At least this time he is talking to people instead of just doing it - its a baby step but a step nonetheless. Even rehab says he needs to give it a month or two before he's going to be used to this. They also said they have a lot of new kids in there so many of them are very early in recovery and that's harder. Most of these kids are either court ordered or parent ordered to be there - very few are there because they choose to be so the beginning stages can be really rough.
In jail they do have some therapy but not as much as he is having. He says he's just used to jail and feels safe there - that there arent as many temptations there. He's spent so much time in jail over the last year that i think he's just comfortable there - that alone saddens me more than anything. Its like he's becomming institutionalized. he does do well in jail - follows all the rules, gets along with guards, never has a problem in there because he just conforms in there. With the freedoms in the rehab he has to conform himself and i think that's where he is having trouble becuase he just doesnt know how to do it on his own. Its easy to do the right thing when you cant sneak out.
I think he still has some glimmer of hope that the court will just let him come home and do outpatient so i had to remind him that a year ago they tried it that way and he blew that chance - now he's got to face the consequences. I had to remind him that if he did come home he's already shown that he's still going to use or he would end up getting in trouble shoplifting or commitmitting another crime. That whole sunglass shoplifting incident still weighs on me and was validation to me that he isnt ready to be in the real world and he has to see that even though he didnt get caught that he prooved that he isnt ready for a chance in the real world. He didnt argue - the thing is he knows right from wrong and he knows that he cant be trusted to do this on his own.
I dont think that he is trying to make me feel bad or rescue him. He never asked me to do anything for him - just told me how he was feeling and what he wanted to do. He knows I cant do anything anyway. I only asked him to really think about this before he did anything because his choice right now could affect his life forever. I told him that I dont want to see him change from who he is anymore than he already has and that a year in ydc could change him forever. Its just that it is all sinking in with him now - he's having to face the consquence for all his drug use and criminal behavior - there's no way out of it so he's comparing the lessor of two evils - he hates where he is so naively thinks that the other way would be easier. I think that i'm going to try to get him to just give it a month - at least until he gets a short leave before he talks to the court about a change. If he could get 4-6 weeks under his belt then he may see that this is better and he might not want to start over in a new program. When i do talk to him again that is what i'm going to suggest - even if he did want a change it would take that long to get him into the other program anyway. I've also got a call into our court counselor - I'm hoping that she can stop by and see him and maybe get him to understand the realities of what he is asking for. If after a month he is still pushing this then maybe we have to let him go somewhere that is more secure.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
