Help me PLEASE
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: Shavertown
Posts: 7
Help me PLEASE
Hi my name is tracey, I an the mom of a 17 year old daughter who is on drugs. she tells me she has tried everything. She is in Clear Brook now and has been there for 28 days and has another 28 to go. She tells me she needs to find a sponser, and a place to go to meetings for when she comes home. i live in northeast Pa. i dont even know where to start looking for any of this. Before my daughter left i couldnt live with her. She was hitting me calling all kinds of names, taking everything out of our home. She would take off for days at a time. It hurt the whole family. She now wants help, but I an scared when she comes home i wont know what to do for her. And that she will go back to the same old ways. I want to do everything i can to help... I feel lost and dont know where to go or who to talk to.I cry all the time for my daughter back.. can anyone give me any kind of help or tell me anything i can do. I need help to deal with this. I also have to other daughter they are 12 and 13 they are also having trouble dealing with this
thanks for your time
Tracey
thanks for your time
Tracey
Last edited by sweetgrass68; 02-15-2009 at 03:04 PM.
We Do Recover
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Texas
Posts: 2,619
Tracey--you can go to Alanon or Naranon meetings to help you. Also, your other teenage kids can also attend Alanon--or preferably Alateen to help them. Your daughter can find a sponsor at a local meeting. Depending on where she lives---she can use the internet to find the nearest one. Her recovery is up to her. You cannot save her, but can be supportive of her recovery. Finding a sponsor and working the steps (if that is what she wants to do) will be up to her. Remember: you didn't cause it, can't control it, can't cure it--her addiction. Keep posting and reaching out for help. We are here to help support you. 
Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: eastern Wyoming
Posts: 65
I'm sorry your daughter got into drugs.
I agree with Angelina about getting into Al-anon or Nar-anon for yourself. And everything else she said.
This is a great place for between meetings, too. I hope you keep coming back.
I agree with Angelina about getting into Al-anon or Nar-anon for yourself. And everything else she said.
This is a great place for between meetings, too. I hope you keep coming back.
get it, give it, grow in it
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Calif coast
Posts: 3,167
At her treatment center they should be teaching her how to stay sober by finding mtgs. and sponsor. This is something she has to do for herself.
Do they have a family component with counseling with all of you to establish the boundaries upon her return?
Relapse rates are high. My son is at his 3rd rehab at age 23.
Alanon helped me tremendously. In my area they have mtgs. just for parents.
You too can get support and people to talk to and work a program
to find serenity.
The longer her inpatient treatment the better.
Do they have a family component with counseling with all of you to establish the boundaries upon her return?
Relapse rates are high. My son is at his 3rd rehab at age 23.
Alanon helped me tremendously. In my area they have mtgs. just for parents.
You too can get support and people to talk to and work a program
to find serenity.
The longer her inpatient treatment the better.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: East Tawas, MI
Posts: 3,683
Welcome to SR. I agree with the others above. Find a Nar-anon or Ala-non meeting. Learn everything that you can about addiction. And no that you did not cause it, you can't control it and you can't cure your daughter. Only she can reach out for the help that is available to stay away from drugs. It is really hard, especially for young people, but it can be done. My daughter is 22 and has been an addict since she was 18. She finally reached a bottom and has been clean for almost 9 months. But it took her a long time to get there. It is really important for you to find a way to take care of yourself no matter what your daughter does. Stick around, this is a great group with a lot of experience, strength and hope. Hugs, Marle
Administrator
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: a better place
Posts: 4,047
Welcome...definitely agree with the others that posting here and trying some Naranon or Alanon programs are the best ways to help you. Please try to take advantage of meetings now, while she is away. Without a program for me, I always was afraid to leave the house, because I thought if I did so I couldn't "control" what my daughter was doing. Once I started attending Naranon, I began to understand that I really was powerless over addiction.
I have never heard of an inpatient program that makes the moms find meetings for their kids - I suspect there's a bit of a miscommunication here or your daughter is falling back on old habits (Being Momma Fix It in my family, I can imagine this happening
)
I am a bit familiar with the program your daughter is attending - don't they offer family programs? If so, I would strongly encourage you to attend. You may also want to reach out to her counselor...My daughter's counselor helped me so much to understand their program and to realize that I did not need to jump in and fix every time my daughter was struggling. Dealing with this on her own and with her counselor and her group helped her grow in recovery. Hugs
I have never heard of an inpatient program that makes the moms find meetings for their kids - I suspect there's a bit of a miscommunication here or your daughter is falling back on old habits (Being Momma Fix It in my family, I can imagine this happening
) I am a bit familiar with the program your daughter is attending - don't they offer family programs? If so, I would strongly encourage you to attend. You may also want to reach out to her counselor...My daughter's counselor helped me so much to understand their program and to realize that I did not need to jump in and fix every time my daughter was struggling. Dealing with this on her own and with her counselor and her group helped her grow in recovery. Hugs
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Hackettstown, NJ
Posts: 692
The fact that she is in treatment and is willing to stay clean and go to meetings when she gets out (assuming she is) is just wonderful. You have a lot to be grateful for.
I am a recovering addict as well as the mom of a using addict daughter (age 20). My AD has never completed rehab, though she put herself into treament 8 times. the longest she stayed before walking out was 12 days. Again, do you see how much hope there is for your own daughter? she is still in treatment.
I go to NA meetings in the area you and your daughter live. You want to call Narcotics Anonymous and get a meeting list for the Pocono Mountain Area of NA. there are many meetings in the city of Stroudsburg. If your daughter is willing to go to them, she will find help there. AA is also huge in that area.
Now, once that is done, the rest is up to her, not you!! You MUST let go of her recovery and let her do what she will. Soon she'll be a legal adult and you will have zero say anyway. At 17, you have almost zero control as it is.
I am a recovering addict as well as the mom of a using addict daughter (age 20). My AD has never completed rehab, though she put herself into treament 8 times. the longest she stayed before walking out was 12 days. Again, do you see how much hope there is for your own daughter? she is still in treatment.
I go to NA meetings in the area you and your daughter live. You want to call Narcotics Anonymous and get a meeting list for the Pocono Mountain Area of NA. there are many meetings in the city of Stroudsburg. If your daughter is willing to go to them, she will find help there. AA is also huge in that area.
Now, once that is done, the rest is up to her, not you!! You MUST let go of her recovery and let her do what she will. Soon she'll be a legal adult and you will have zero say anyway. At 17, you have almost zero control as it is.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 1,307
Hi Tracey ...when I didn't know about drugs and addiction (like I do today) - I used to think that when they or if they just stop doing drugs then everything will return back to normal. I was giving my control to addiction and what they were and were not doing. As a mother, I can understand that you want to make sure you have all in place. She is only 17 - she is still a minor. You want to be on the same page as her ... it's refreshing to finally be in the light with her. The darkness has lifted. You asked what you can do ...
Realize that you are powerless over their addiction. You can't cause it, cure it or control it. Learn as much about addiction as possible. Especially her drug of choice. She got a hold of something that she thought was helping her that in turn has gotten a hold of her. Take care of yourself too - there are al-anon or nar-anon meetings for everyone... ala-teen for your children. Sometimes they will have them at the same time/place - just different rooms.
No doubt your other children are needing help. The good thing is that there is help out there and it's basically free therapy. If you want to get help - the rooms are a great place to start. Don't be afraid to attend some aa/na meetings so you can see what your daughter's program is all about.
Prepare for the worst and hope for the best. Start thinking about how your life has become un-manageable ... not so much about hers has. She is getting treatment and that is great for her! But not so much for you. By you going to al-anon meetings and/or posting here - helps you understand what has happened since addiction has entered your home. Addiction is a family disease...
Read and Search around this forum... you will find yourself in stories. I'm so glad you found SR for support. Keep posting......
Peace ~ xoxo
*Another thing- recognize what your boundaries are and what you will tolerate or will not. Read some of the stickies.... the less you enable - the quicker the addict is hit on the head with their own suffering of consequences. Which makes it hit home a whole lot quicker - for example truly hitting bottom and not wanting to go further down.
Just as the addict has to hit bottom so do the co-dependents/enablers. What is your bottom ... where you say and act on "enough is enough" or "being tired of being "sick and tired." Setting boundaries for yourself is a good way to find out if you are at your bottom. Saying what you mean, but not saying it mean. A very good lesson. You want to "help" "be supportive" - but not hurt yourself in the process or lose your perception. In other words, you don't want to enable the "addiction". The first place to start is coming here and /or meetings. You will find the answers by going. Thank you for posting.
Realize that you are powerless over their addiction. You can't cause it, cure it or control it. Learn as much about addiction as possible. Especially her drug of choice. She got a hold of something that she thought was helping her that in turn has gotten a hold of her. Take care of yourself too - there are al-anon or nar-anon meetings for everyone... ala-teen for your children. Sometimes they will have them at the same time/place - just different rooms.
No doubt your other children are needing help. The good thing is that there is help out there and it's basically free therapy. If you want to get help - the rooms are a great place to start. Don't be afraid to attend some aa/na meetings so you can see what your daughter's program is all about.
Prepare for the worst and hope for the best. Start thinking about how your life has become un-manageable ... not so much about hers has. She is getting treatment and that is great for her! But not so much for you. By you going to al-anon meetings and/or posting here - helps you understand what has happened since addiction has entered your home. Addiction is a family disease...
Read and Search around this forum... you will find yourself in stories. I'm so glad you found SR for support. Keep posting......
Peace ~ xoxo
*Another thing- recognize what your boundaries are and what you will tolerate or will not. Read some of the stickies.... the less you enable - the quicker the addict is hit on the head with their own suffering of consequences. Which makes it hit home a whole lot quicker - for example truly hitting bottom and not wanting to go further down.
Just as the addict has to hit bottom so do the co-dependents/enablers. What is your bottom ... where you say and act on "enough is enough" or "being tired of being "sick and tired." Setting boundaries for yourself is a good way to find out if you are at your bottom. Saying what you mean, but not saying it mean. A very good lesson. You want to "help" "be supportive" - but not hurt yourself in the process or lose your perception. In other words, you don't want to enable the "addiction". The first place to start is coming here and /or meetings. You will find the answers by going. Thank you for posting.
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