drama
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Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Ma
Posts: 320
drama
Last Saturday I went to visit abf at his program. I usually work saturday and visit him on sunday when he has a 4 hour pass so we can go get his son or spend time together. He wanted to use his pass last week on Monday to go to a meeting he used to attend seeing he has 90 days clean. His program told him he needed someone from that meeting to come pick him up so they could talk to them. He begged me to come visit him saturday because he would most likely take his pass on mon instead of sun. I rearranged my whole day just so i could go visit him, because I miss him too. Everything seemed fine when I left the house to come home. He told me he a meeting hall was moving and that he was going to help paint the new place they were moving the meetings to on sunday. I thought that was good for him. He even called sunday to say hi at lunch and said painting sucked, but that he was going back after lunch.
Monday he calls and tells me he was talking on his roomates cell outside and the director drove by and saw him. He is not on a level that allows cell phone use, so he told me he would most likely be on restriction for 2 weeks (no phone no passes) and that it had previously happened to another guy. He called me back to confirm he was on restriction for 2 weeks and had to go, but wanted to let me know. I felt bad but he screwed up.
Tuesday his ex calls me. She wanted to let me know that bf has been hanging out with some girl he met at a meeting. He is allowed out on job search all week but I know he goes to a noon time meeting a lot while he is out because he likes it. Ex said he called from girls phone on sunday, was in the area and wanted to stop by and say hello to his son. She asked who he was with and his respones was girl. She told him no way...then asked if I knew about this girl and he said no. She said son is already confused and she didnt want him to see him with some unknown girl. She was also mad that he had taken a pass and had not spent it with his son. She called me because she felt I should know what was going on. She said she wasn't trying to start trouble, but felt what bf was doing was wrong, especially since i have been giving him a little $ here and there to help with food and bus fair. I also bought him a pair of boots because he didnt have any and its been snowing a lot. I freaked out. I was so upset. She also told me he was not on restriction. She then gave me girls #. So of course in the wrong frame of mind I call this girl. I was very polite, explained the situation and asked what was going on. She was also very nice, said they were just friends. I thanked her.
Called bf next day but was so upset I ended up hanging up before I could even really talk to him. We didn't end up talking till thursday night after I had sent him a pretty lengthy e-mail about the whole situation. bf promised me they were just friends, he admitted to lying to me. His reasoning was that his sponsor suggested that he tell me he was on restriction for 2 weeks because he thinks bf shouldn't have a gf right now. everything had been fine on saturday and then mon he lies and tells me about restriction. The only factor was he hung out with this girl on sunday, imo. I just couldn't see how it went from i love u, to i cant talk to you for 2 weeks.
now i understand about recovery, and how it needs to be his time to focus on himself. he said sponsor only said it as a suggestion and that he still wanted to be with me, but needed to put himself first. I get this. I have no problem with it. What I do have is problems with his lies and being shady behind my back. he can have female friends, but he had never mentioned her before and I have a gut feeling he likes her and thats why he didnt tell me about her. he said he has know her for awhile, but i have never heard of her till ex blew the whistle. Ex had no reason to make this up, she is in a happy long term realtionship. He lied to me about sunday because he wanted to go out with his friends (so he says) this is the same guy who begged me to come visit saturday because he didnt think he was going to see me because of pass on monday, which fell though, so he took it on sunday, lied to me and went to hang out with this girl. Girl had told me they went to a meeting everyday last week together. so he see's her all week, then decides to hang with her on sunday but lie to me about the whole thing.
we talked for a long time on thursday. he reassured me he loves me, only wants to be with me, not interested in other girl. I tell him he needs to be honest with me. He felt he had to lie because he thought I would be upset about him being with his new friends on sunday. I don't know if this was to make me feel better or what. so we end conversation on good terms. i tell him if he wants to be with friends, to just tell me the truth. his recovery comes first and if he wants time to himself then fine, but just tell me. He didn't think i would understand. I don't know if he's lying or not. I was fine friday, but today I was pissed, hurt and felt a little used. I cant really talk to him about it cause now I feel like I will be taking the focus of his recovery away from him and putting it on us, which adds pressure. we got into it again today on the phone and i told him maybe sponor is right. I just don't trust him right now. I don't know what to do. sorry for the long post!
Monday he calls and tells me he was talking on his roomates cell outside and the director drove by and saw him. He is not on a level that allows cell phone use, so he told me he would most likely be on restriction for 2 weeks (no phone no passes) and that it had previously happened to another guy. He called me back to confirm he was on restriction for 2 weeks and had to go, but wanted to let me know. I felt bad but he screwed up.
Tuesday his ex calls me. She wanted to let me know that bf has been hanging out with some girl he met at a meeting. He is allowed out on job search all week but I know he goes to a noon time meeting a lot while he is out because he likes it. Ex said he called from girls phone on sunday, was in the area and wanted to stop by and say hello to his son. She asked who he was with and his respones was girl. She told him no way...then asked if I knew about this girl and he said no. She said son is already confused and she didnt want him to see him with some unknown girl. She was also mad that he had taken a pass and had not spent it with his son. She called me because she felt I should know what was going on. She said she wasn't trying to start trouble, but felt what bf was doing was wrong, especially since i have been giving him a little $ here and there to help with food and bus fair. I also bought him a pair of boots because he didnt have any and its been snowing a lot. I freaked out. I was so upset. She also told me he was not on restriction. She then gave me girls #. So of course in the wrong frame of mind I call this girl. I was very polite, explained the situation and asked what was going on. She was also very nice, said they were just friends. I thanked her.
Called bf next day but was so upset I ended up hanging up before I could even really talk to him. We didn't end up talking till thursday night after I had sent him a pretty lengthy e-mail about the whole situation. bf promised me they were just friends, he admitted to lying to me. His reasoning was that his sponsor suggested that he tell me he was on restriction for 2 weeks because he thinks bf shouldn't have a gf right now. everything had been fine on saturday and then mon he lies and tells me about restriction. The only factor was he hung out with this girl on sunday, imo. I just couldn't see how it went from i love u, to i cant talk to you for 2 weeks.
now i understand about recovery, and how it needs to be his time to focus on himself. he said sponsor only said it as a suggestion and that he still wanted to be with me, but needed to put himself first. I get this. I have no problem with it. What I do have is problems with his lies and being shady behind my back. he can have female friends, but he had never mentioned her before and I have a gut feeling he likes her and thats why he didnt tell me about her. he said he has know her for awhile, but i have never heard of her till ex blew the whistle. Ex had no reason to make this up, she is in a happy long term realtionship. He lied to me about sunday because he wanted to go out with his friends (so he says) this is the same guy who begged me to come visit saturday because he didnt think he was going to see me because of pass on monday, which fell though, so he took it on sunday, lied to me and went to hang out with this girl. Girl had told me they went to a meeting everyday last week together. so he see's her all week, then decides to hang with her on sunday but lie to me about the whole thing.
we talked for a long time on thursday. he reassured me he loves me, only wants to be with me, not interested in other girl. I tell him he needs to be honest with me. He felt he had to lie because he thought I would be upset about him being with his new friends on sunday. I don't know if this was to make me feel better or what. so we end conversation on good terms. i tell him if he wants to be with friends, to just tell me the truth. his recovery comes first and if he wants time to himself then fine, but just tell me. He didn't think i would understand. I don't know if he's lying or not. I was fine friday, but today I was pissed, hurt and felt a little used. I cant really talk to him about it cause now I feel like I will be taking the focus of his recovery away from him and putting it on us, which adds pressure. we got into it again today on the phone and i told him maybe sponor is right. I just don't trust him right now. I don't know what to do. sorry for the long post!
Belgian Sheepdog Adictee
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: In Today
Posts: 6,101
Are his ACTIONS telling you anything yet?
No sponsor that I know of, and I have been continuously sober and clean for almost 28 years now would ever tell a sponsee to lie.
He is still MANIPULATING. He is still dishonest.
Your are worth much more than than this. You deserve RESPECT, not this disrespect.
He has given you your 'out.' Are you ready to take it yet?
J M H O
Love and hugs,
No sponsor that I know of, and I have been continuously sober and clean for almost 28 years now would ever tell a sponsee to lie.
He is still MANIPULATING. He is still dishonest.
Your are worth much more than than this. You deserve RESPECT, not this disrespect.
He has given you your 'out.' Are you ready to take it yet?
J M H O
Love and hugs,
Member
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Hoosier Daddy?
Posts: 63
A prominent theme in my life and in my recovery, I'm discovering, is the manner in which I have allowed others to confuse my life. The addicts obviously have wrought confusion, but there are also many non-addict 'personalities' that have had similar impact... and it can become exhausting navigating the motives, thinking, justifications, and rationalizations of others [B]if I allow it.[B]
The further I progress in my recovery and discover my true values, beliefs, and principles the less I allow others to confuse my life. One mechanism I use is found in the Traditions of Al-Anon, "... principles above personalities." I highly value honesty, integrity, and character as I believe they are mandates of a spiritual thinker/mind... they are principles I subscribe and hold to. I'm learning if I hold to such principles then 'personalities' are much less apt to confuse my life. I can discern where the principle ends and the personality begins, finding the 'personality' is usually responsible for the confusion.
I have begun to truly realize that, as stated by M. Scott Peck, "Where there is confusion, there are lies." It frees me knowing that I have choices in what I choose to believe. I don't have to confront the motives of others or have 'proof' of the deceit... all I have to do is believe in my values and principles to find my own truth. It is when I cling to the good stuff of life that I find others confusing my life less and less. It also helps me accept, as stated by the Big Book of AA, there are some people who are, "... constitutionally incapable of being honest." I must accept some people are content, living-out their pathology without thought as to how this effects themselves or others, but I don't have to allow others choices to confuse mine.
Many Blessings,
Shaman
The further I progress in my recovery and discover my true values, beliefs, and principles the less I allow others to confuse my life. One mechanism I use is found in the Traditions of Al-Anon, "... principles above personalities." I highly value honesty, integrity, and character as I believe they are mandates of a spiritual thinker/mind... they are principles I subscribe and hold to. I'm learning if I hold to such principles then 'personalities' are much less apt to confuse my life. I can discern where the principle ends and the personality begins, finding the 'personality' is usually responsible for the confusion.
I have begun to truly realize that, as stated by M. Scott Peck, "Where there is confusion, there are lies." It frees me knowing that I have choices in what I choose to believe. I don't have to confront the motives of others or have 'proof' of the deceit... all I have to do is believe in my values and principles to find my own truth. It is when I cling to the good stuff of life that I find others confusing my life less and less. It also helps me accept, as stated by the Big Book of AA, there are some people who are, "... constitutionally incapable of being honest." I must accept some people are content, living-out their pathology without thought as to how this effects themselves or others, but I don't have to allow others choices to confuse mine.
Many Blessings,
Shaman
Member
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 3,335
How frustrating for you to be involved in all this drama. Since I found my own recovery, I try to distance myself from people who cause drama in my life. It's very unhealthy for me. It takes my focus off the things that are important in life.
How your ABF can have anytime to focus on recovery with all the craziness going on his life is beyond me. Same with you. What are your boundaries? Is what he is doing acceptable? If not then don't accept it in your life. If this is as focused as it gets in his recovery... then he's never going to make it on the outside... IMO. Better to focus on repairing your own life.
How your ABF can have anytime to focus on recovery with all the craziness going on his life is beyond me. Same with you. What are your boundaries? Is what he is doing acceptable? If not then don't accept it in your life. If this is as focused as it gets in his recovery... then he's never going to make it on the outside... IMO. Better to focus on repairing your own life.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Kansas
Posts: 10,182
Shaman, that was a wonderful post!
Alaia, I had to make a major decision while I was in rehab, to go back to the then husband when I got out, or not. For me, it was a life or death situation (he was using meth, violent, and psychotic).
Recovery isn't just not doing drugs. It is changing the behaviors we used for so long in our active addiction, including lying, manipulation, and irresponsibility.
I'll tell you what bothered me the most when reading through your post. He had taken a pass and not spent it with his son.
Re-read Shaman's post and ask yourself what your values, beliefs, and principals are. Take his 'rationalizations' for his behavior out of the picture.
Does his behavior fit your values, beliefs, and principals?
Alaia, I had to make a major decision while I was in rehab, to go back to the then husband when I got out, or not. For me, it was a life or death situation (he was using meth, violent, and psychotic).
Recovery isn't just not doing drugs. It is changing the behaviors we used for so long in our active addiction, including lying, manipulation, and irresponsibility.
I'll tell you what bothered me the most when reading through your post. He had taken a pass and not spent it with his son.
Re-read Shaman's post and ask yourself what your values, beliefs, and principals are. Take his 'rationalizations' for his behavior out of the picture.
Does his behavior fit your values, beliefs, and principals?
Member
Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 1,906
Originally Posted by cynical one 
A sponsor would not suggest dishonesty. Sounds like lies to cover up the lies. Rehab romances are fairly common, and they often end with the relapse of one or both parties.
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Where there is one lie, there is no truth. The bf is being a jerk, telling lies and not being where he says he is....sound familiar? He may not be using but this is definitely using behaviour. And no sponsor worthy of being a sponsor would ever suggest telling lies to cover behaviour.
Recovery is more than just putting down the drugs, there is a lot of work involved in changing old behaviours, and the real recovery begins after they leave rehab. If this is his behaviour now, then he's a long way from any kind of real recovery.
You may want to find some meetings for yourself. They will help you figure out why you are drawn to someone who would betray you in a heartbeat. You will also learn why you are driven to call him, his "friend" and his "ex" looking for answers.
Take care of yourself girl, if you stay with this man you will have a very rocky road ahead of you.
Hugs
Recovery is more than just putting down the drugs, there is a lot of work involved in changing old behaviours, and the real recovery begins after they leave rehab. If this is his behaviour now, then he's a long way from any kind of real recovery.
You may want to find some meetings for yourself. They will help you figure out why you are drawn to someone who would betray you in a heartbeat. You will also learn why you are driven to call him, his "friend" and his "ex" looking for answers.
Take care of yourself girl, if you stay with this man you will have a very rocky road ahead of you.
Hugs
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Ma
Posts: 320
This girl is not in their program. She goes to the outside meetings. He has a fav meeting and she is always at that one. plus the other outside meetings. He claims he has know her a long time.
He told me he has talked to his sponsor and that his sponsor laughed at him about this whole situation and told him he should have been honest with me...so therefore I believe he made up (lied) the part about his sponsor telling him to say he was restricted. Maybe he did it cause he wanted some time to think about things without having to feel obligated to have to call me or something. He was trying to make things easier on himself by lying because that's what he has done in the past while he was using. He said he really needs to work on that. I told him to just be honest with me. If he wants time for himself, take it. If he wants weekends and passes to himself, take them. Just don't lie to cover it up. He didn't think I would be understanding if he told me the truth. I told him his recovery comes first. He's the one calling me everyday...not the other way around and I made that point. I feel a little better now that we have talked this morning. One thing I have to give him credit for is he is very loyal when he is in a relationship and has never cheated on any of his gf's. I just have to trust that he is telling me the truth now. We both have a lot to work on and I think space is a good thing right now.
He told me he has talked to his sponsor and that his sponsor laughed at him about this whole situation and told him he should have been honest with me...so therefore I believe he made up (lied) the part about his sponsor telling him to say he was restricted. Maybe he did it cause he wanted some time to think about things without having to feel obligated to have to call me or something. He was trying to make things easier on himself by lying because that's what he has done in the past while he was using. He said he really needs to work on that. I told him to just be honest with me. If he wants time for himself, take it. If he wants weekends and passes to himself, take them. Just don't lie to cover it up. He didn't think I would be understanding if he told me the truth. I told him his recovery comes first. He's the one calling me everyday...not the other way around and I made that point. I feel a little better now that we have talked this morning. One thing I have to give him credit for is he is very loyal when he is in a relationship and has never cheated on any of his gf's. I just have to trust that he is telling me the truth now. We both have a lot to work on and I think space is a good thing right now.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Kansas
Posts: 10,182
I feel a little better now that we have talked this morning. One thing I have to give him credit for is he is very loyal when he is in a relationship and has never cheated on any of his gf's.
I hope you've got your seatbelt fastened because it's going to be a bumpy ride.
Been there, done that, got that t-shirt, and am no longer expanding my wardrobe.
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Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Ma
Posts: 320
Originally Posted by anvilhead
what are some options YOU have to avoid all this DRAMA? even with him in a recovery program, it sounds like your life is still all caught up in HIS web.....one of the rules i make is if i cannot TRUST the person, i have no room in my life FOR that person. you're talking to him on the phone a lot, talking to his EX, talking to his NEW girlfriend......no wonder you're experiencing chaos and upheaval!!!! what's in it for you?
He said ex blew this out of perportion because he wanted to have a little time for himself and his friend that was leaving. I guess friend is dating a girl in the house (but no one can know) and that girl is a friend of the other girl in the program so thats how they all ended up together sunday. Whatever, I am over it.
I can't believe I let all these people get all up in my business and cause so much drama. I should have told ex to please leave me alone and if they are fighting to keep it between her and bf. bf and I are on good terms now. In a way it was good this whole mess happened because now he has been a lot more open with me about him and his revovery...which is what I wanted all along. So at least something good came out of this mess.
Now time for me to work on those bounderies again.
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Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Ma
Posts: 320
Originally Posted by Freedom1990
So it's still acceptable to you that he got a pass and didn't spend time with his own son?
I hope you've got your seatbelt fastened because it's going to be a bumpy ride.
Been there, done that, got that t-shirt, and am no longer expanding my wardrobe.
I hope you've got your seatbelt fastened because it's going to be a bumpy ride.
Been there, done that, got that t-shirt, and am no longer expanding my wardrobe.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Ma
Posts: 320
So I was just talking to bf and he was telling me how staff liked him because they say he is a positive influence in the program house. He has made to guys that wanted to leave the house, stay and try to work their recovery. He is taking new ones under his wings and explaining how things work (rules ect) in the house.
These are the things that make me think he is serious about his recovery and that he has good intentions and is a work in progress. We both have our own issues. I can't let anything go. I never have been able to. Even though this mess is over, its hard to put it behind me. It's like that with everything in my life. I need to learn how to let the past go. It's done and gone, and I can't change it, but I can't let go. I wish I could. I have "The language of letting Go" and I read it everyday and I am trying to work on it. It's so hard with all this stuff that just happend. Bf keeps telling me he and girl are just friends....girl said the same. I had an ex cheat on me before....so of course my mind is in over-drive. Maybe I need to go back into therapy. I love bf and want to believe him. He wants to be with me. I wish it were that simple.
These are the things that make me think he is serious about his recovery and that he has good intentions and is a work in progress. We both have our own issues. I can't let anything go. I never have been able to. Even though this mess is over, its hard to put it behind me. It's like that with everything in my life. I need to learn how to let the past go. It's done and gone, and I can't change it, but I can't let go. I wish I could. I have "The language of letting Go" and I read it everyday and I am trying to work on it. It's so hard with all this stuff that just happend. Bf keeps telling me he and girl are just friends....girl said the same. I had an ex cheat on me before....so of course my mind is in over-drive. Maybe I need to go back into therapy. I love bf and want to believe him. He wants to be with me. I wish it were that simple.
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Posts: 320
Originally Posted by cynical one
You’re doing a really good job justifying, rationalizing, and making excuses for him. Are you under the impression that your relationship is supposed to be exclusive? He told numerous lies to be able to spend time with another woman. And, now you feel the need to believe he is now telling the truth?
Administrator
Join Date: Mar 2006
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Alaia, I liked how your postings helped you circle back around to you and thinking about how this makes you feel. More than enough drama for awhile, huh? Doing your readings and coming here sound like wonderful steps towards your own healing.
Since he is working his program, have you thought about Naranon or Alanon meetings for you? I see so many young girls who have come into our group and within such a short period of time, the change is huge. As their self confidence grows and they start to like themselves again (addiction sucked the life right out of me and I really didn't like who I was anymore) they are able to exercise more self-care and make choices that work for them.
If meetings aren't something you care for, therapy also is a wonderful idea.
I don't know what will happen with your relationship, but I do know that the more you focus on you, the healthier you will feel and that health will help you make choices that work for you. Hugs
Since he is working his program, have you thought about Naranon or Alanon meetings for you? I see so many young girls who have come into our group and within such a short period of time, the change is huge. As their self confidence grows and they start to like themselves again (addiction sucked the life right out of me and I really didn't like who I was anymore) they are able to exercise more self-care and make choices that work for them.
If meetings aren't something you care for, therapy also is a wonderful idea.
I don't know what will happen with your relationship, but I do know that the more you focus on you, the healthier you will feel and that health will help you make choices that work for you. Hugs
Member
Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 1,906
Originally Posted by Freedom1990
I hope you've got your seatbelt fastened because it's going to be a bumpy ride.
Amen to that. Have you read any of my story?? I would do just about anything to have my AH be an ABF. Think long and hard about continuing with this R. You're in for alot of heartache. Just like you, I too dealt with all the lies drama, but in the end, AH always roped me in with whatever he HAD to do to keep the peace and make me not leave.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Kansas
Posts: 10,182
I can't let anything go. I never have been able to. Even though this mess is over, its hard to put it behind me. It's like that with everything in my life. I need to learn how to let the past go. It's done and gone, and I can't change it, but I can't let go.
In the end, I wasn't willing to let go because it served a purpose in my life. It fed into the dysfunction, the circular thinking, the chaos, and those were all familiar and very comfortable to me.
There was no way on God's green earth I could have stayed with the EXAH as long as I did if I was not able to stick my head in the sand and justify and rationalize his behaviors.
I continually clung to the tidbits of 'good boy' he would occasionally toss at me.
Seriously, I think the only thing that kept me from blowing my codependent brains out in the middle of that insanity was the fact I was doing drugs too.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Posts: 1,287
Hi Alaia ~ Glad you got passed this drama/chaos. You said in one of your replies that the space between you now is a good thing. It is, it really is. I hope you can use this space to spend more time taking care of you. Get back into counseling, go to meetings if you choose to, do things to keep your focus on you and what you can control/where you have power. You have the power to live beyond the drama, the lies, the chaos. We all do.
Like Greet said:
The thing in in your post that hit home for me the most was the lies and the part where he said he lied to you because he didn't want to upset you. My AH has used that one as well. It is such a poor excuse for lying (not that there is any excuse....).
It has taken me a long time to realize just how much I let my AH manipulate and lie to me. What's the saying....fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me.
I still need to constantly remind myself to listen to him with caution to focus on the actions. I'm naturally a trusting person who takes things at face value. But with my AH, this has proved to be dangerous for me. He can look me in the eye and lie even though we both know it is a lie. It is insanity to me. And it's not just me he lies to; he lies to everyone in some degree or another. Without honestly he can't work his program IMO.
Alaia, I admire you coming here and being so open with what you're going through. This is so hard - it is hard to keep the focus on ourselves and let go - but it is so necessary. I'm still working on it too. Above all else, try to do things for you, take this time for you! We are here for you. Hugs!
Like Greet said:
I don't know what will happen with your relationship, but I do know that the more you focus on you, the healthier you will feel and that health will help you make choices that work for you. Hugs
It has taken me a long time to realize just how much I let my AH manipulate and lie to me. What's the saying....fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me.
I still need to constantly remind myself to listen to him with caution to focus on the actions. I'm naturally a trusting person who takes things at face value. But with my AH, this has proved to be dangerous for me. He can look me in the eye and lie even though we both know it is a lie. It is insanity to me. And it's not just me he lies to; he lies to everyone in some degree or another. Without honestly he can't work his program IMO.
Alaia, I admire you coming here and being so open with what you're going through. This is so hard - it is hard to keep the focus on ourselves and let go - but it is so necessary. I'm still working on it too. Above all else, try to do things for you, take this time for you! We are here for you. Hugs!
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Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Union Mo
Posts: 655
Originally Posted by Alaia
I don't know...this is why I am so confused. I do seem to rationalize everything. Yes, I am under the impression we are exclusive. He has lied, but said why he did and that he was sorry...so isn't that a step in the right direction?
I have read your post from the begining. I have been able to pick apart each and every lie and indesprepancy. Its all so inconsistant. I am a recovering addict too and played the same games with the lies. I never cheated because to me that is the ultimate wrong. But I was a good liar and manipulator with the best of them.
I was sorry for alot of things too especially when I got caught. But hat didnt make it better or make the person I lied to any better. I am VERY forgiving by nature. My bf has cheated and I wont say how many times. I always got Im sorry. It sure as hell didnt fix anything or make me feel better. I just had to go on or forget it. This last time he cheated, he not only said I was sorry but went to great lengths to show it and prove it. never believed the sorry's before but I truely believe this one.
When I went to rehab lieing was not part of the therapy. I would seriously reevaluate your relationship. None of his actions are saying anything bout recovery. It looks to me he is just still going thru the motions.
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