Chino

I think it was marle who said we families and friends show signs of PTSD? I'll always agree with that. I'm not sure what it was I read here yesterday but it got me thinking about it a lot more.

Many years ago, I spent a few years in therapy for PTSD. Being traumatized had been my existence for almost ten years. It was one of the hardest things I've ever done because it involved constantly reliving the events that caused it, until I was so tired of it all that I finally let go, forgave, and chose to forever move beyond it.

One of the things I was constantly told was that I was a survivor. I didn't see myself that way at first and it took a while before I wanted to be a survivor. My therapist at that time used to get so frustrated with me. I remember her telling me - almost yelling - that I sounded like being a victim was my destiny. I decided to fake it 'til I made it, just to shut her up. Every time I started to say the word victim, I used survivor instead.

The light bulb came on; choose my destiny or it will be chosen for me. It was the realization that I had given it my power for so many years that finally gave me the push I needed. I was powerless at the time to prevent what happened but it was in the past. That I was allowing it to continue controlling my life was insanity.

When I decided to start therapy again it was because of my RAD being active in addiction. I wanted to learn more about the psychology of this disease - I already spent a ton of time with specialists learning about the physiology - then I gradually began working on self discovery and recovery again.

With both stints in therapy, I've learned that forgiveness and recovery isn't a one time deal, just like working the steps isn't either. My triggers are everywhere (people) and sometimes they're perfect strangers, sometimes they're family and friends. I have to work at this everyday for the rest of my life. Not because I'm a victim, because I'm a survivor.

I've learned that while I have been victimized by people and situations beyond my control, I have survived them and most of all myself. It's up to me to continue surviving so that I can continue thriving.

I don't have any questions, just sharing some thoughts and encouragement, especially with people just beginning this journey. It's hard work and it hurts really bad sometimes, but we're all worth it

Ann

Chino, thank you for this thread.

I too had to give it much thought and practice when the Victim vs. Survivor theory was explained to me. PTSD is indeed common with us codependents who have spent years living in the hell of addiction, fear, shame and panic. I had night terrors for years, where I would wake up in a cold sweat screaming, so often that I began to hate falling asleep. It took a lot of recovery, a lot of work on my fear issues and a lot of prayers and support before they finally went away.

Recovery took me from thinking of myself and living as a victim to the world of hope, of clarity and of healing...to becoming a survivor.

Working recovery the rest of my life is something I look forward to. Recovery has brought me so many gifts, so many blessings that I look forward to continued growth that lies ahead.

Hugs

Spinner-007

'Choose Your Destiny, or it will be chosen for you'...

You're absolutely 100% on the money on this.

I often thought that this Merry Go Round called Life is a one time trip and if you don't choose which horse you want to ride on, soon your choices will become far more limited until there are none, or the ride comes to a stop.

Thanks for this, Chino, and best of wishes on your continued journey...

Chino

I have some more thoughts to share and this is a perfect segue:
I understood that when I first read it, but it wasn't until my last appt with my therapist that I really got excited about it.

As soon as I walked in his office, I sat down and said I finally realized I'm not recovering from my daughter's addiction, or past trauma and abuse. I'm recovering from myself. I've said it before but as each day goes by I gain more clarity.

I told him I figured out nothing that has been done to me is personal. No one makes me angry or sad, every feeling is what I allow. Have I been victimized? Absolutely. It's a verb and something that happened. Being a victim is a noun and something that defines us. That's not how I want to be defined!

"Nothing is personal." I think I've said that 100 times since my appt, and it's something I said a million times before that day without really believing it. Once again, I was faking it 'til I made it. Everything everyone has ever said or done to me is a projection of their reality. Everything I say or do to another is a projection of my reality.

I feel free for the first time in my life. FREE!

My therapist told me I've mastered one of the personal four agreements. I was like huh? He told me to read a book called The Four Agreements, it's about attaining personal freedom. I read an overview of the other three agreements, and discovered I've been diligently working on two of them through the 12 steps. The last one will be harder because I can be a real slacker sometimes.

This was my really long winded way of saying I am excited about this journey! Feeling as free as I do right now, I'm excited about my future

Abundance

Chino! Right on!!!!!

I'm a survivor too! I won't be a victim ... it's so cool that we have the choice of being one or not. It's a high like no other when it clicks and it's all by our natural accord!

Freedom of misery and finding liberation!

Woot Woot! ::::happy dance :::

Impurrfect

(((Chino)))

Good timing on this thread!! I think that is where a lot of my anger has come from lately...I was feeling like a victim and was mad as he!! about it!! I finally realized that I was only allowing myself to feel like that, and it was in my power to get myself OUT of that thinking.

Though I still have some work to do on the PTSD stuff (mine is from the robbery), I am learning. I've found that working on my recovery and admitting powerlessness over things really does help.

I don't like feeling like a victim, and I do believe I'm a survivor. I just have to figure out a way to use my anger in a more constructive way...progress, not perfection

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

Ann

What struck me about those words was the highlighted part. This was the biggest gift of all from recovery, freedom to be me.

For the first time in my life I discovered that stranger called "me" and for the first time in my life I liked her, warts and all.

For the first time in my life I could stand in my own truth, even if I stood alone.

For the first time in my life I knew what I wanted, and felt worthy of the effort to get it.

For the first time in my life, I could express my feelings and not worry about what anyone else thought or if they agreed with me.

Yes, indeed, for the first time in my life I was FREE.

Thanks, Chino, for the reminder to stay grateful and never take that freedom for granted.

Hugs

Chino

Abs, it is very much a high and I swear I felt endorphins flowing through my brain when the aha moment happened. A few weeks ago I said I finally detoxed from drama and was concerned about what next? What do I replace that with? The answer is me.

I remember looking at a wagon wheel a long time ago, noticed the only thing that stayed centered was the axle. It's a part of the wheel, it makes the same journey the wheel and wagon does, and all parts need each other to get there. I'm calling dibs on the axle! It's strong and if a clear path is chosen, it won't break.

Amy, I'm with you! I'm a work in progress and I suspect I'll reach perfection the moment I die. I intend to go out with a smile on my face, knowing I've done everything I've needed to do.

Ann, thank you so much for your guidance. It's always been compassionate and honest. I'm finally getting it and just like the wagon wheel, I'm making the journey with everyone here