Fighting for Custody Part II
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Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Vancouver, BC
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Well, the trip went just fine. My niece had a wonderful time with my parents. She enjoyed a week of sunshine and being spoiled (and doing no chores!) and came home with a new outfit, a couple of stuffed animals, some paintings - done by my mum!, a bit of a sun tan, and a great big smile on her face. 
She called her mother twice during the trip, once to say she'd arrived safely and once to say she was on her way home. During both calls my sister was quite emotional, upset that her daughter had gone on the trip and was having a good time. (Sigh.)
During the last call my niece reported that her mother was out of breath and panting. When asked why, my sister said she was in the woods digging a hole to help bury her friend's cat who had recently died. Very odd. My niece wasn't sure if she should believe that story, and neither am I. (???)
Last night my niece called her mother again to tell her she'd arrived home safely. After that call my sister asked to speak to me. She told me that she has been re-accepted to the treatment centre that kicked her out and will be readmitted on Wednesday. I hope this is true.
She told me that the staff member she'd accused of planting drugs on her was fired because an investigation had proven this was true. I don't believe THAT for a minute, but of course there's no point in arguing.
She was very emotional when I talked to her because my niece had been short with her on the phone (yeah, no kidding, who wouldn't be?) and said she's afraid her daughter won't want to live with her "in 90 days" when she finishes the program. She asked if she could have unsupervised visitation with her until then to reestablish their relationship. I said that would be in violation of the court order and I wouldn't do it.
As usual my sister is thinking ahead to the finish line without looking at any of the steps she needs to take to get there. She just wants her daughter back NOW and she can't see that she needs to do a WHOLE lot of things to make that happen, ever. I don't have any real faith that it ever will.
So... that's the update! Tomorrow we all return to work and to reality! (Why do holidays always go by so fast?)
She called her mother twice during the trip, once to say she'd arrived safely and once to say she was on her way home. During both calls my sister was quite emotional, upset that her daughter had gone on the trip and was having a good time. (Sigh.)
During the last call my niece reported that her mother was out of breath and panting. When asked why, my sister said she was in the woods digging a hole to help bury her friend's cat who had recently died. Very odd. My niece wasn't sure if she should believe that story, and neither am I. (???)
Last night my niece called her mother again to tell her she'd arrived home safely. After that call my sister asked to speak to me. She told me that she has been re-accepted to the treatment centre that kicked her out and will be readmitted on Wednesday. I hope this is true.
She told me that the staff member she'd accused of planting drugs on her was fired because an investigation had proven this was true. I don't believe THAT for a minute, but of course there's no point in arguing.
She was very emotional when I talked to her because my niece had been short with her on the phone (yeah, no kidding, who wouldn't be?) and said she's afraid her daughter won't want to live with her "in 90 days" when she finishes the program. She asked if she could have unsupervised visitation with her until then to reestablish their relationship. I said that would be in violation of the court order and I wouldn't do it.
As usual my sister is thinking ahead to the finish line without looking at any of the steps she needs to take to get there. She just wants her daughter back NOW and she can't see that she needs to do a WHOLE lot of things to make that happen, ever. I don't have any real faith that it ever will.
So... that's the update! Tomorrow we all return to work and to reality! (Why do holidays always go by so fast?)
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Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: NY
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Thanks for the update...I was beginning to wonder about ya.
But oh my....the stories your sister can tell...huh? It's almost comical..... but sad.
I'm glad neice had a wonderful time, but I'm almost sorry she called her mother during this time.
This is scary.
Well we'll see if she make's it back to the treatment center on Wed. I'm almost believing that was all made up too.
Good thing!!! You're doing great!
NH7
But oh my....the stories your sister can tell...huh? It's almost comical..... but sad.
I'm glad neice had a wonderful time, but I'm almost sorry she called her mother during this time.
During the last call my niece reported that her mother was out of breath and panting. When asked why, my sister said she was in the woods digging a hole to help bury her friend's cat who had recently died. Very odd. My niece wasn't sure if she should believe that story, and neither am I.
Well we'll see if she make's it back to the treatment center on Wed. I'm almost believing that was all made up too.
Tomorrow we all return to work and to reality!
NH7
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Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: limbo
Posts: 2,849
I am so happy that your neice had a good time on her visit. Sounds like good news that your sister may have been reaccepted into the program hopefully she will stick it out.
I wouldnt woory to much about her Looking to the finish line, if it gives her a goal thats good but that doesnt mean she will get your neice back at that time. Good for you that you reminded her of the court order.........thats all you can do.
hugs and best wishes to you
I wouldnt woory to much about her Looking to the finish line, if it gives her a goal thats good but that doesnt mean she will get your neice back at that time. Good for you that you reminded her of the court order.........thats all you can do.
hugs and best wishes to you
Member
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Vancouver, BC
Posts: 561
Wednesday arrived and my sister phoned to inform us she was back in the treatment centre. I've lost count but I think this is her seventh time in rehab since June.
We didn't pick up the phone, being the untrusting souls we have become since then! Instead we waited and called back on the client line to see if she was really there or just lying. She was really there.
Soooo that's good. Let's hope this time is more successful than the last (six) time(s).
We didn't pick up the phone, being the untrusting souls we have become since then! Instead we waited and called back on the client line to see if she was really there or just lying. She was really there.
Soooo that's good. Let's hope this time is more successful than the last (six) time(s).
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Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
(((Lisa)))
Wow, I'm amazed that she really is there. I'm so glad your neice had a great time with her grandparents.
I'm glad you reminded your sister of the court order when she wanted to jump to the finish line. It blows my mind that she totally seems to forget that she has YET to complete any of the treatment centers she's been in, but just assumes she will complete this one and be a changed person. Treament centers and rehabs only work if you put a lot of effort INTO them.
Oh well, your neice is in good hands and has an awesome role model in you; you have the court system to back you up; and your sister? well she has a long way to go, but I'll keep praying for her.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
Wow, I'm amazed that she really is there. I'm so glad your neice had a great time with her grandparents.
I'm glad you reminded your sister of the court order when she wanted to jump to the finish line. It blows my mind that she totally seems to forget that she has YET to complete any of the treatment centers she's been in, but just assumes she will complete this one and be a changed person. Treament centers and rehabs only work if you put a lot of effort INTO them.
Oh well, your neice is in good hands and has an awesome role model in you; you have the court system to back you up; and your sister? well she has a long way to go, but I'll keep praying for her.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
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Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: NY
Posts: 1,054
I'm surprised she really did make it back there. I know you get the mixed feelings when this happens. There's no easy way with her in or out of rehab. Impurrfect is right it takes a lot of effort and the capability to truly deeply examine oneself to even start to get to recovery. Praying the Lord searches her heart, and shows her Himself. Hoping for the best sister.
NH7
NH7
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So glad your niece had a wonderful time!!! I am surprised your sister was accepted back into rehab, lets hope this time she actually uses the resources to begin recovery.
Good for you to remind her of the court order.
Hugs,
Chris
Good for you to remind her of the court order.
Hugs,
Chris
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Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Vancouver, BC
Posts: 561
Me too, I'm surprised my sister was accepted back to the same rehab but I'm certainly glad. I hope that my phone call explaining her personality disorder was helpful and will help direct the course of future treatment. If they already know what they're dealing with maybe they can start therapy quicker or something...?
I talked to my sister tonight for a few minutes. She's still in denial, in my opinion, about the fact she even has a drug problem. She still seems to think that if she has a prescription it's okay. Even if it makes her a vegetable. She says that she is still taking methadone and I assume that's a positive thing but I'm not totally sure. She's still looking at the finish line instead of the steps she needs to take to get there... so I'm not feeling really optimistic about her chances of sticking out the work she needs to do.
But I'm grateful she has a roof over her head.
I'm grateful she is getting three meals a day.
I'm grateful she has a warm bed.
I'm grateful she has counsellors to talk to.
I'm grateful there are medical staff nearby if needed.
I'm grateful she's alive.
I talked to my sister tonight for a few minutes. She's still in denial, in my opinion, about the fact she even has a drug problem. She still seems to think that if she has a prescription it's okay. Even if it makes her a vegetable. She says that she is still taking methadone and I assume that's a positive thing but I'm not totally sure. She's still looking at the finish line instead of the steps she needs to take to get there... so I'm not feeling really optimistic about her chances of sticking out the work she needs to do.
But I'm grateful she has a roof over her head.
I'm grateful she is getting three meals a day.
I'm grateful she has a warm bed.
I'm grateful she has counsellors to talk to.
I'm grateful there are medical staff nearby if needed.
I'm grateful she's alive.
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Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Vancouver, BC
Posts: 561
So my sister has been back in her treatment centre for eight days. Today she called to tell me that she wants to make plans for her daughter to come home, with the idea that she should be able to come back to her at the end of the 90th day of the program. My sister says she's doing great and everything is different now. Blah blah blah.
(All this, of course, without any admission that she has royally screwed up the past. It's all still everyone else's fault.)
I feel cynical that she's probably going to be kicked out again. But there's always a part of me that gets scared when she starts talking like this, even though she never follows through with anything she says.
My niece is doing so well. I can't believe she's almost finished her grade seven year. Her teacher invited her to sing a solo at their little commencement ceremony in June before they go off to high school. She's going to sing "Blackbird", which strikes me as perfect, considering how she's found her wings in the last nine months or so... I'm sure I'll cry all over myself and embarrass her terribly.
(All this, of course, without any admission that she has royally screwed up the past. It's all still everyone else's fault.)
I feel cynical that she's probably going to be kicked out again. But there's always a part of me that gets scared when she starts talking like this, even though she never follows through with anything she says.
My niece is doing so well. I can't believe she's almost finished her grade seven year. Her teacher invited her to sing a solo at their little commencement ceremony in June before they go off to high school. She's going to sing "Blackbird", which strikes me as perfect, considering how she's found her wings in the last nine months or so... I'm sure I'll cry all over myself and embarrass her terribly.
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Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
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(((Lisa))) - I'm glad your niece is doing so well!!!
As far as your sister...give it time. She still has 92 days to get through and with her past record....well, we'll see. I'm not wishing bad things on her, but I have to admit I am skeptical.
Just keep your focus on you and your niece. Your sister is great at "talking the talk"...let's see how she does at "walking the walk" now.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
As far as your sister...give it time. She still has 92 days to get through and with her past record....well, we'll see. I'm not wishing bad things on her, but I have to admit I am skeptical.
Just keep your focus on you and your niece. Your sister is great at "talking the talk"...let's see how she does at "walking the walk" now.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
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Goodness, same talk different day. I hope that she stays this time, and that the additional time will make her focus on admission.
Keep the focus on you & your niece. When the time comes, and she's singing, those tears of yours will be for joy.
Hugs,
Chris
Keep the focus on you & your niece. When the time comes, and she's singing, those tears of yours will be for joy.
Hugs,
Chris
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Thanks (((Amy))) and (((Chris))),
Well, we're at day 10 in the new treatment centre. Today my sister called to tell me she has changed her mind about signing a Release of Information form. (The other day she said she didn't want me to have access to her information because the STAFF there had advised her not to. Yeah, right.) Now she says she's going to sign for me to speak to one particular worker (this, I assume, because she thinks this person will be more likely to give a positive report). I told her that was fine. Why argue?
She was asking me a lot of questions about what my "ideal" hope was for the future, and whether I still wanted her daughter to be returned to her if she got better. The conversation made me feel uneasy and I didn't really answer with anything specific. I just told her I wanted what was best for her daughter but wasn't sure how that would look.
Now we get to go visit her this afternoon. Sigh. It's one of those damned if you do, damned if you don't situations. I can't stand spending $80 a week on supervised visits, but I don't like supervising them myself, either. So I'm putting on my happy face
and doing the best I can.
Well, we're at day 10 in the new treatment centre. Today my sister called to tell me she has changed her mind about signing a Release of Information form. (The other day she said she didn't want me to have access to her information because the STAFF there had advised her not to. Yeah, right.) Now she says she's going to sign for me to speak to one particular worker (this, I assume, because she thinks this person will be more likely to give a positive report). I told her that was fine. Why argue?
She was asking me a lot of questions about what my "ideal" hope was for the future, and whether I still wanted her daughter to be returned to her if she got better. The conversation made me feel uneasy and I didn't really answer with anything specific. I just told her I wanted what was best for her daughter but wasn't sure how that would look.
Now we get to go visit her this afternoon. Sigh. It's one of those damned if you do, damned if you don't situations. I can't stand spending $80 a week on supervised visits, but I don't like supervising them myself, either. So I'm putting on my happy face
and doing the best I can.
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Can anyone tell me this... do counsellors ever lie for their clients?
Right after my last post, I got a call from my sister's counsellor who said that my sister had fallen down and was unable to see her daughter today after all. She wanted to reschedule the visit for tomorrow. We're busy tomorrow and I had to say no, which made me feel like I was failing some kind of test.
The weird thing was that I had a feeling earlier that my sister didn't want us to come in today because she mentioned, in the call I posted about above, that she was tired and was okay if we only stayed for an hour instead of two hours.
Maybe the counsellor isn't lying. Maybe my sister just lied to her, and she believes it?
My spider senses are tingling.
Right after my last post, I got a call from my sister's counsellor who said that my sister had fallen down and was unable to see her daughter today after all. She wanted to reschedule the visit for tomorrow. We're busy tomorrow and I had to say no, which made me feel like I was failing some kind of test.
The weird thing was that I had a feeling earlier that my sister didn't want us to come in today because she mentioned, in the call I posted about above, that she was tired and was okay if we only stayed for an hour instead of two hours.
Maybe the counsellor isn't lying. Maybe my sister just lied to her, and she believes it?
My spider senses are tingling.
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(((((Lisa)))))
Boy her 'drama' just continues and continues, lol. My hackles went up when I read your first post and got up even higher when I read the second one.
Do counselors intentionally lie for their clients? Not the good ones, (which is about 99.999999% of them). I don't believe the counselor is lying. I do believe your sister is trying to manipulate again! So far I see no recovery there. She is still continously 'manipulating' and 'conning.'
I am glad you said NO to tomorrow. Stick to your own routines. If she can't make a visit with her daughter, not your problem. I am sure your niece is already figuring out to not be too hopeful about when and how often she ill see her mother, may even be
'dreading' it sometimes now. Especially since she is getting the love, care, and attention she should have had all these years. She is finding peace and serenity in your home and seeing her mother has to be very disconcerting to her.
You are doing a GREAT JOB Lisa. Stick to your guns. Again I say, your program is shining!!!!!
Love and hugs,
Boy her 'drama' just continues and continues, lol. My hackles went up when I read your first post and got up even higher when I read the second one.
Do counselors intentionally lie for their clients? Not the good ones, (which is about 99.999999% of them). I don't believe the counselor is lying. I do believe your sister is trying to manipulate again! So far I see no recovery there. She is still continously 'manipulating' and 'conning.'
I am glad you said NO to tomorrow. Stick to your own routines. If she can't make a visit with her daughter, not your problem. I am sure your niece is already figuring out to not be too hopeful about when and how often she ill see her mother, may even be
'dreading' it sometimes now. Especially since she is getting the love, care, and attention she should have had all these years. She is finding peace and serenity in your home and seeing her mother has to be very disconcerting to her.
You are doing a GREAT JOB Lisa. Stick to your guns. Again I say, your program is shining!!!!!
Love and hugs,
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Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
I agree with Laurie (as usual ). I think your sister is probably just manipulating the situation and you picked up on it before the second call. Good for you on not letting her reschedule!!!
Remember...keep track of all these times that she cancels out on the visitations...very, very important when she is yelling about how YOU are keeping her from her daughter!
I will continue to pray for you sister, but to me, it sounds like she's up to her old tricks.
In the meantime, just keep doing what you've been doing such an awesome job at...taking care of you and your niece.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
). I think your sister is probably just manipulating the situation and you picked up on it before the second call. Good for you on not letting her reschedule!!!Remember...keep track of all these times that she cancels out on the visitations...very, very important when she is yelling about how YOU are keeping her from her daughter!
I will continue to pray for you sister, but to me, it sounds like she's up to her old tricks.
In the meantime, just keep doing what you've been doing such an awesome job at...taking care of you and your niece.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
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Location: Home of the Ravens-MD
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(((Lisa))) Well it sure sounds like she hasn't changed her tune one bit.
You however are doing a wonderful job, you did NOT change your plans and that shows how much you have learned about your own recovery.
Just as Amy said, keep track of all of her cancelled visits.
Hugs, & Prayers,
Chris
You however are doing a wonderful job, you did NOT change your plans and that shows how much you have learned about your own recovery.
Just as Amy said, keep track of all of her cancelled visits.
Hugs, & Prayers,
Chris
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Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: NY
Posts: 1,054
Well.... Look at it this way, at least you don't have to visit for today. At least you both don't have to worry about your own sanity today. At least you both don't have to recover from another visit today. So I'm grateful..... for you both.
I don't know why the counselor would call in the first place to let you know she won't be able to visit because she has fallen down. Are you sure that was the counselor?
Pill addicts are notorious for falling down all the time, gets them to the ER.
NH7
I don't know why the counselor would call in the first place to let you know she won't be able to visit because she has fallen down. Are you sure that was the counselor?
Pill addicts are notorious for falling down all the time, gets them to the ER.
NH7
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Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Vancouver, BC
Posts: 561
Yes, the falls are a constant theme in my sister's life and exactly as you say, she does it because it gets her to ER where she can have a temporary fix. In fact, I think the perpetual trips to the ER were something she had to sign a contract about in order to get back into the treatment centre. She says she didn't go there yesterday but I have no way of knowing if that's true.
We went to see her today. She was her usual self, irritating but not too difficult to cope with. I find it mentally tiring - and boring - to be around her. But survived.
Free for another week!
We went to see her today. She was her usual self, irritating but not too difficult to cope with. I find it mentally tiring - and boring - to be around her. But survived.
Free for another week!
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