lovenlife

Praise GOD! After 3 years of addiction my husband has finally decided to get help for his addiction to oxicodine. As his wife, my family has seen what his addiction has done to me and our family. They are very happy and want to show thier support. I have all sisters, so of course we like to talk about our feeling and express how proud we are of him. He is fine with me talking to him, but doesn't want to talk about it with others. He is embaressed. Is this normal? What should I do? Should I respect his feelings and just tell them not to talk about it with him. (I know it sounds like I just answered my own question, but everyone really wants to show there support. My family just feels like they are going to be walking on eggshells around him, which may make him feel uncomfortable. It is like we are ignoring the big pink elephant in the room (ha, ha). Advice please.

timetogo

Hi Lovenlife -- welcome to SR -- I am a newbie here as well. I'm sure others will be along soon to offer their assistance.

I found that my AH was always embarrassed and ashamed of what he had done.....the next day. It never stopped him from doing it though. He would tell me sorry, it won't happen again, I need help, I can stop on my own, I don't do it to hurt you (which I do believe), don't tell anyone, why isn't anyone supporting me, don't leave me, get the h*ll out etc etc etc (I believe here, they refer to it as quacking). My family and his family have all tried to support him -- but they really don't know how to. They don't know what to say or what to do, so they say and do nothing. I don't think there is anything they could do or say that would make any difference whatsoever. I always found that it was one thing to admit to the problem, and quite another to follow up with actions. He has made so many promises to all of us so many times, that they we longer believe him. Nothing changes if nothing changes.

It is a good sign that he has recognized that he wants help. But he has to work his recovery himself -- only he can make the changes that he will have to make to get better. In the meantime, all of you should concern yourselves with taking care of yourselves. It is a difficult thing (as you know) to live with and support an addict without losing ourselves in the process.

good luck to you and your family

Seren

I'm not sure where to draw that line either. Addiction is such an isolating disease for the family of the addict, that I lean toward talking about the elephant in the room so that everyone is not torn between the "official story" and the truth. Not everyone outside the family needs to know, however, but when the family can't talk about it.....well, I don't seem to think of that as a good thing.

Hugs to you all! and congratulations to your husband! HG

URMYEVERYTHING

As a part of his recovery he will work on making amends. Let his embarrassment and him feeling awkward around your family be his problem, not yours or your family. He will have to figure out a way HE will feel comfortable around them again.

winnie12

If you need your families support then he may have to just deal with it. My son is very embarrased around my family and I am glad that there are some people in this world that he still feels embarrasment around. Once it was out in the open it was much easier. my son doesnt have any contact with my family right now because he cant face them and that's his choice but that has nothing to do with my relationship with my family. I need them right now no matter how my son feels.

Part of recovery is being able to face the people who you have hurt and who love you.

Chino

There's an ocean of difference between talking about his addiction/recovery with him and showing support. He has/will have his support groups to talk with and in an ideal situation, us family and friends have ours.

My recovering daughter hasn't once asked me how it's going with my codie recovery, but I've asked her a thousand times how it's going with her substance abuse recovery. She's minded her own business and I've minded her business too.

She did comment once that she could tell I was working at recovery and said I was different in a good way. I really appreciated that encouragement from her and have shared the same encouragement with her, too. Now we share the things we've learned from both of our respective recoveries.