Spinner-007

I came home last week from work to find my wife FUBAR on what was found to be painmeds(lortab I think) and beer. The baby(4 mos) was screaming, the kids were running all over the place eating junk, and the house was a mess.

I wanted to go into all the f***ed up details in this post, but it feels like I'm re-living it again, and it's for nothing.

All that's burned in my mind is my kids asking why their grandeparents are taking mommy away to the ER like that, and their crying, hoping that she's okay. AND MY FREAKING LIES TO THEM, telling them that mommy fell and hurt her head.

I can't describe the intense anger, resentment and disbelief I'm still feeling that she is doing this again to our kids. But it's not just her. It's me for allowing this to go on in our home.

I just don't know what else to do but to vent right now. She has some appointments made for counciling, but after seeing all that's happened for long time, it's all just a waste if she's not wanting to do it.

I was hoping I'd feel better right now, but it's more like just plain numb.

So, now...HOW'S EVERYBODY ELSE DOING?!!

Serenity Bound

Spinner, I am so sorry to hear what's happening. I know how very upset you must feel. Whenever my AD would start up again, I would feel so much pain for her children. She has a 6yo and a 1yo. The 6yo knows that mommy has a problem, she also knows that alcohol is bad for mommy, but how do you explain about drugs to a 6yo. When mommy went to jail & rehab, the 6yo was told mommy was in school. What the h*** else are you going to say. According to my AD, she reached her bottom when she left her then 9mo old in her pac'n'play so the she could drink&drug....then blacked out. She went to rehab (her own choice to go) and has embraced her recovery program. She now has 60+ clean, and I can only pray that her HP continues to guide her.

I notice that you live in my area. Do you go to Al-Anon or Nar-Anon meeting? There are many around us. If there is anything I DO know is that the f-2-f meetings saved my life.

It is very understandable for you to feel anger, resentment, and disbelief. So vent away,
you have our support, understanding and strength.

Prayers going out to you & your little ones.

JMFburns

Sorry Spinner for your current circumstances, but am glad you posted to let some of it out.

Seren

Sorry to hear about the drama, Spinner. It's been a "swell" week here, too. Protect the kids and protect your sanity! Hugs, HG

Spinner-007

Serenity, thanks for your response(as well as everyone elses).

It's very good to see that your ad is on the upswing, and her kids are safe. Being a parent, that's always the first concern. It really gives me hope that my wife has a shot in hitting her floor.

I'm hoping it's sooner than later because my feelings for/towards her are beginning to change. We've known each other a very long time(23 years now) and I never would have thought in a million years that my feelings would've been stretched like this.

My seething resentment comes from the fact our children have to go through this shi*t. I start to think of ridiculous crap(like having all the kids give her a signed Thank You card for giving them a wonderful childhood memory) and then I realize I'm becoming someone I don't want to be. What loving spouse would think of sh*t like that? Probably the one that's starting not to love anymore...

(I don't know why, but I just noticed that she doesn't want her picture taken nearly as much with the kids anymore. Maybe she doesn't want to remember this as the 'drug years' if she recovers from this.)

No, I don't go to any meetings right now, but will start again next week. I think I need to now more than ever...

Ann

Spinner, I'm sorry you are going through this and your concern for your children is very valid.

Sadly, I think I would document all this and find someone you can trust to be responsible to take care of your children for now, when you cannot be there.

Regardless of what she chooses to do right now, recovery or not, it`s too soon to trust that this might not happen again.

How sad that addiction is truly a family disease.

Hugs