Intervention or Hospital....
scorpgrl1978
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Little Rock, AR
Posts: 52
Intervention or Hospital....
Well, I went to see my AH this past weekend, for the first time in 5 months, and he looked TERRIBLE. He's been hiding down in TX staying with his AM for the past few months, and he looks to have lost around 35-40 lbs. That means he now weighs between 130 and 140 lbs and he's 5'10. Broken out skin, shaggy hair...his eyes were popping out of his head, and he was shaky and twitchy and very fragile. I let him see our two kids and he cried quite a bit, but also slept most of the time that I was there. The kids (3 and 8 months) and I stayed with his family and everyone is just really concerned about it.
Something tells me that this may have been the last time I will see him. He has a court date in a couple of weeks, and will probably be going back to prison, but after seeing him I'm pretty certain he may not be living much longer, if he does I will be surprised. It was all just very heartbreaking.
He lives in a shack, with no TV, no car, no stereo, and sleeps on a mattress on the floor. He chooses to live in squallor instead of being near his family. He could have lived in the same state as us with other family, but he chose to go down to stay with his mother instead, (for obvious reasons).
Now that I am back home, and in a safe place with me and the kids, and already filed for divorce months ago, and moving on with my life, I can't help but wonder if something can't be done for him as far as a humanitarian gesture goes? I mean, he really is malnourished and dehydrated. I wonder if an intervention is ideal, (although no one really can afford for him to go to rehab), but maybe even just taking him to the hospital? He's still moving around, and wouldn't dare go on his own will, but I wonder if his family could bring him there or something?
Something tells me that this may have been the last time I will see him. He has a court date in a couple of weeks, and will probably be going back to prison, but after seeing him I'm pretty certain he may not be living much longer, if he does I will be surprised. It was all just very heartbreaking.
He lives in a shack, with no TV, no car, no stereo, and sleeps on a mattress on the floor. He chooses to live in squallor instead of being near his family. He could have lived in the same state as us with other family, but he chose to go down to stay with his mother instead, (for obvious reasons).
Now that I am back home, and in a safe place with me and the kids, and already filed for divorce months ago, and moving on with my life, I can't help but wonder if something can't be done for him as far as a humanitarian gesture goes? I mean, he really is malnourished and dehydrated. I wonder if an intervention is ideal, (although no one really can afford for him to go to rehab), but maybe even just taking him to the hospital? He's still moving around, and wouldn't dare go on his own will, but I wonder if his family could bring him there or something?
Member
Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 1,906
In my state if I could get AH to an ER with a psych ward they told me to take him to the ER and request a psych eval. They can @ least detain him for 3+ days and then onto rehab if he would agree to rehab.
I'd say if you cannot do that or your state does not have that -call the police department or courthouse in your town to find out what the options are. Also, I know in my state rehabs will take "charity" cases for whatever gov't reimbursement. Maybe call around for that?? I'm sorry you're going through this. It is heartbreaking to see. I'd also make sure your finances are intact as well as life insurance. Hugs to you and your babies.
I'd say if you cannot do that or your state does not have that -call the police department or courthouse in your town to find out what the options are. Also, I know in my state rehabs will take "charity" cases for whatever gov't reimbursement. Maybe call around for that?? I'm sorry you're going through this. It is heartbreaking to see. I'd also make sure your finances are intact as well as life insurance. Hugs to you and your babies.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Chicago area
Posts: 4,269
It must have been heart breaking to see him in his current condition, knowing it was the consequence of his choices.
It's unlikely a hospital is going to admit him and given he's on a run, it's not likely he will stay.
The Salvation Army is always an alternative if he chooses to take advantage of the opportunity.
It's unlikely a hospital is going to admit him and given he's on a run, it's not likely he will stay.
The Salvation Army is always an alternative if he chooses to take advantage of the opportunity.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: Lost in Ca
Posts: 253
Good Morning!
I am sorry to hear about your AH condition. I think you should pray that he does go to jail it just might help prolong or even save his life. I know at times I secretly wish my AH would go to jail...
Hugs and Kisses
I am sorry to hear about your AH condition. I think you should pray that he does go to jail it just might help prolong or even save his life. I know at times I secretly wish my AH would go to jail...
Hugs and Kisses
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
I am sorry to hear of this. I am a recovering addict, and unfortunately, some of us stoop pretty low. I lost 60 pounds, was basically homeless...when I did sleep, it was on the floor of an empty apt. I snuck into at night. I didn't care about eating. I could have easily afforded a motel room, but I'd rather spend it on crack.
I was an ER nurse, for years. If he is malnourished and dehydrated, they will do blood work, and give him fluids and supplements. They can do a psychiatric evaluation and can recommend treatment, but, unfortunately, money is often a factor. I worked in the ER of our indigent care hospital in Atlanta and we treated hundreds of patients, like your brother, many were repeat patients.
If he doesn't WANT the help, there is not much more you can do, other than what I mentioned.
I am truly sorry for your pain.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
I was an ER nurse, for years. If he is malnourished and dehydrated, they will do blood work, and give him fluids and supplements. They can do a psychiatric evaluation and can recommend treatment, but, unfortunately, money is often a factor. I worked in the ER of our indigent care hospital in Atlanta and we treated hundreds of patients, like your brother, many were repeat patients.
If he doesn't WANT the help, there is not much more you can do, other than what I mentioned.
I am truly sorry for your pain.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
scorpgrl1978
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Little Rock, AR
Posts: 52
Thanks everyone. To update, I spoke to his family and they feel that an intervention would be too costly and almost be a waste since he is already about to go back to prison so soon.
A deputy showed up at my house this morning with indictment papers for him: I guess maybe he didn't appear for his court date? I spoke to him on the phone and he was very agitated, then later asked if we could file married jointly (for him to receive money...he says to get his truck out of the impound lot). I told him no, that I was filing separately, and that he would need to take care of his own W2s himself. I said that we were separated, and divorcing, and I loved him, but he needed to meet me halfway and get help if he wanted to see me and the kids.
I also suggested for him (as given to me by the deputy) that he go to drug court, and that they could send him through drug treatment, and when he got out, as long as he adherred to the rules of the court, he could get his record exponged after two years of following the treatment closely. Then I talked to him about quality of life, and his choices in life, and he got defensive and said he wasn't on drugs, and "why do you think I'm on drugs?" and I said, "because you look like a junkie." he acted horrified that I said this, and like I had hurt his feelings. But its true, not to mention his past history, its ridiculous for him or anyone else to think he is not on drugs. I feel bad for hurting his feelings, but I also told him he's not sending any money to me and the children, and that he's just using me to get cash for himself. It was an argument, and I don't know if or when I will speak to him again.
Very sad, but there really isn't anything I can do for him. I could maybe tell him I would file his taxes for him if he agreed to go to drug treatment, but even with that, he doesn't want help so it would probably be redundant anyway.
Thanks for everyone's thoughts and prayers. It is heartbreaking. But I'm taking care of the children, myself, and life goes on.
A deputy showed up at my house this morning with indictment papers for him: I guess maybe he didn't appear for his court date? I spoke to him on the phone and he was very agitated, then later asked if we could file married jointly (for him to receive money...he says to get his truck out of the impound lot). I told him no, that I was filing separately, and that he would need to take care of his own W2s himself. I said that we were separated, and divorcing, and I loved him, but he needed to meet me halfway and get help if he wanted to see me and the kids.
I also suggested for him (as given to me by the deputy) that he go to drug court, and that they could send him through drug treatment, and when he got out, as long as he adherred to the rules of the court, he could get his record exponged after two years of following the treatment closely. Then I talked to him about quality of life, and his choices in life, and he got defensive and said he wasn't on drugs, and "why do you think I'm on drugs?" and I said, "because you look like a junkie." he acted horrified that I said this, and like I had hurt his feelings. But its true, not to mention his past history, its ridiculous for him or anyone else to think he is not on drugs. I feel bad for hurting his feelings, but I also told him he's not sending any money to me and the children, and that he's just using me to get cash for himself. It was an argument, and I don't know if or when I will speak to him again.
Very sad, but there really isn't anything I can do for him. I could maybe tell him I would file his taxes for him if he agreed to go to drug treatment, but even with that, he doesn't want help so it would probably be redundant anyway.
Thanks for everyone's thoughts and prayers. It is heartbreaking. But I'm taking care of the children, myself, and life goes on.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Colorado Springs, CO
Posts: 2,391
In jail he will get the medical care he needs on the states dime. I guess if he had a lot of money he could probably get drugs in there too but it doesn't sound like he does so this will probably force him to get clean and sober. No one wants their loved ones in jail but sometimes it is the safest place for them.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 3,335
Hi thanks for sharing your story. It's painful to watch someone destroy themselves with drugs. I'm sorry you have go through that. I'm glad you are taking care of yourself and your children. I think that's the best we can do sometimes. I think that if the addict was sober and sane, that's what they would want us to do - take care of ourselves and raise their children, without exposing them to the horrors of addiction.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
I'm glad you held firm on your taxes, and didn't fall for the line that he's not using. Some A's will deny using, even if they're caught red-handed.
You are right that offering to file his taxes if he goes to treatment would be redundant...he doesn't want to go to treatment, because he doesn't even want to admit he has a problem yet.
He'll get that point when all the consequences get bad enough...when he gets tired of living the life that he's living. Some never get it. My XABF has been doing this for almost 30 years. I still have hope for him, because he's almost 50 and he's spending more time IN jail than out, but it's out of my hands.
You're doing great...keeping the focus on you and the kids.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
You are right that offering to file his taxes if he goes to treatment would be redundant...he doesn't want to go to treatment, because he doesn't even want to admit he has a problem yet.
He'll get that point when all the consequences get bad enough...when he gets tired of living the life that he's living. Some never get it. My XABF has been doing this for almost 30 years. I still have hope for him, because he's almost 50 and he's spending more time IN jail than out, but it's out of my hands.
You're doing great...keeping the focus on you and the kids.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
Member
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Marietta, GA
Posts: 1,453
Originally Posted by racaple78 
I also suggested for him (as given to me by the deputy) that he go to drug court, and that they could send him through drug treatment, and when he got out, as long as he adherred to the rules of the court, he could get his record exponged after two years of following the treatment closely.
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