The Teenage Girl and Bad Boys

Old 02-09-2009, 11:52 AM
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The Teenage Girl and Bad Boys

Anyone on this forum have any experience with teenage girls wanting to hang with the 'bad boys'. My daughter has always been attracted to what I will call the rougher crowd. I have also noticed this with a friend's daughter. Both these girls grew up in great stable, loving, homes in nice neighborhoods and with parents who have done well financially and yet my daughter and her friend hang with the worst possible guys. We even went searching for my firend's daughter one night in one of the worst possible neighborhoods, dubbed the murder capital of the United States, and found her with a bunch of guys in a home that to me looked like a drug house. My daughter had a rotten 'boy friend' who had been in jail and hung with a guy who murdered someone. It is like these guys and their friends and behavior are normal to them.

Naturally, both these girls have used drugs. My daughter is trying to stay clean after her recent rehab.

I am wondering if there is an age when these girls will grow-up and see these people that they associate with as the losers that they are. Anyone have experience with this?

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Old 02-09-2009, 12:33 PM
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It's more about self esteem than growing up. When they stop viewing themselves as losers, they'll stop wanting to be with them.
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Old 02-09-2009, 12:44 PM
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Oh man. I was one of them lol. I'm now in my 30's but during my teens I was terrible. I never did hardcore drugs but I did drink and smoked pot. I dyed my hair, pierced my eyebrow. I shiver at the thought. I dated the biggest losers on the planet. And for some dumb reason, the bigger the loser the more popular they become. Strange how that works.

The turning point for me was that I moved to Kansas City for school. Once I got there I felt embarrassed. When I was completely removed from my crowd, I did a 180.

Not sure if you are in a position to perhaps have her stay with family outside of where you are. But environment plays a HUGE roll.

This was my person experience.

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Old 02-09-2009, 12:48 PM
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I think it is also about 'excitement.' I grew up in a 'fairly stable' home, but certainly not "The Cleavers", lol Upper middle class, country club, the whole bit and I can still remember how I thought it was all SO BORING!!!!!

The 'bad boys' and the 'rougher crowd' were exciting, doing 'forbidden things.' Now I can tell you that wasn't what I thought then, I only know that today because of the work I have done all these years on me. It was almost like a MAGNET.

It took me a LONG TIME to outgrow that, into recovery for a bit before I started to understand it. My sister, who is 11 years younger than me, seemed to come out of it by the time she was 17 or so, rofl Either I am a 'slow learner' or just a lot more 'stubborn' lmao.

There is hope. Honest.

Love and hugs,
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Old 02-09-2009, 12:53 PM
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I know that my son has always had a swarm of girls after him. Its always surprised me that usually they are nice, smart pretty girls and i just cant understand why they would be wasting their time with someone that's in so much trouble. He says its just the bad boy thing. The thing is they are very agressive with their pursuit.

I agree with Chino on self-esteem completely. They have none and seem to degrade themselves just to get his attentions. It makes me very sad for these young girls but they have to learn it on their own. some never grow out of it.

Then there are the rich white girls trying to be ganster - that one really just drives me crazy and we have a lot of those in my area. If you want a giggle on this topic watch this YouTube - Very Tasteful - "White Chicks & Gang Signs"
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Old 02-09-2009, 01:23 PM
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I am laughing at myself right now. I found my excitement in corrupting the good boys. I never lead them too far off their paths, but just enough to make unforgettable memories. I wasn't a bad girl, just wild enough to love running free and fast.
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Old 02-09-2009, 01:51 PM
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My daughter says things about her friends that make me think she is trying to pull away. Once she said that "I will go to college" referring to her friends who don't have high school diplomas. She has and old boyfriend who also has not finished high school and she said if he didn't get a GED they would be over. He never has and she is going to college in the Fall. Unfortunately, this particular 'bad boy' still calls her constantly sometimes even crying wanting to be with her. The last message he left was that if he didn't see her he didn't think life was worth living. I would have personally given him a ride to the Golden Gate for a quick jump if he had asked.

My daughter also has a gf who tries to go gangster. She pretends and is even almost lookign the part. I don't get it. Maybe it was like my desire to be a hippie in my younger days. It seemed appealing at the time.
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Old 02-09-2009, 02:20 PM
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It all began with Beauty and the Beast.......
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Old 02-09-2009, 02:45 PM
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God I made so many mistakes when I was younger.
However I think one of the defining things was that I did not have open, non judgemental communication with my parents.
Instead of talking about things and issues, my parents did not want to know. I got no wordly advice from them, just don't do it or your grounded. Added to that the pressure from older boys I did not know where to turn.

I remember one boyfriend pestering me to sleep with him (I was 15). When I asked about contraception he said we are catholic, you know we don't agree with it. It was only years later (I was 28 and it was two in the morning) that I thought hang on what do catholics think of sex outside marriage?!!!!
One thing that makes me so mad is that older boys and younger girls often get to together and there are so many horrible diseases you can catch. If you catch herpes then that can blight your life forever never mind HIV and the stigma is horrendous.

I suppose I just wish that when I was that age, I wish I could have confided in someone who would have never judged and offered common sense down to earth advice. Like for example, mate if you get herpes no-one is ever going to want to sleep with you!!

I could never dcide if I wanted to hang around with the good girls or bad girls at school and sort of mingled.

Howver now, I am so glad I studied hard with the god girls ( and boys lol). I have a better job than the bad girls, a nicer car, probably nicer shoes!!!!.

What did your daughter go to rehab for by the way?

I wish you luck.

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Old 02-09-2009, 03:18 PM
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I am watching a smart, funny, beautiful (inside and out) young woman of 19 sell herself short in the male-companionship department, and other areas.

What I see is a young woman who is all drama and chaos and typical "teen" one moment, then a mature reasonable sane and composed young woman the next. I do think it has to do with self-esteem issues. There is part of her that knows she's a catch, she can be stubborn and demanding of what she wants and how she wants to be treated, but then turns around and accepts ??? I hope she grows out of it. I hope they all do, but I do think it's excitement, that feeling that they're immortal, but bottom-line, at least with this young lady, I can almost see the neon sign over her head flashing confused, scared, I'm not ready to grow up yet and I don't think I'm good enough.

Good news your daughter is off to college! That's great news!
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Old 02-09-2009, 03:46 PM
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Anyone see the movie " Thirteen"?

13 year old Tracy, straight A, 7th grader shows for school wearing "frumpywear" and gets teased by the " popular" girls.

Tracy perceives classmate Evie as mature and popular and idolizes her.

Evie introduces Tracy to shoplifting, performance sex with older guys and drugs.

Tracy cuts to relieve her stress.

Mom is a recovering alcoholic with a BF strait out of rehab, preoccupied and not paying attention.

It's a powerful movie.

Last edited by outtolunch; 02-09-2009 at 04:06 PM.
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