Update on AD/Still no Rehab

Old 02-08-2009, 07:02 PM
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Update on AD/Still no Rehab

My AD has been sober for 30 days tomorrow. It's been a real struggle for her and for all of us who love her.

Despite many many attempts, phone calls, emails, she has been unable to find a rehab facility without a months long waiting list, she has pretty much given up on that, breaks my heart to see her begging for help and there is none to be found.

Makes me wonder when I see so many posts about people being in two or three different programs along the way what the secret to finding these places is.

In alot of ways, it's worse now than it was when she was using, that's a terrible thing to say but it's true. She puts it better than I could, "I don't have the drugs anymore, now I have to feel everything." She's an emotional mess. She said today that she doesn't know what is wrong with her, she is very depressed, has constant anxiety, and says that she doesn't care about anything anymore. She has left twice in two weeks and not come home for a couple of days, leaving me with her children. Says she just can't deal with her dad constantly accusing her of still using, being a "crackhead", tells her the best thing that could happen is if she was dead..he is not supportive of her recovery, is very hateful with her.. and I believe he wants her to fail so he can be right about her. She told me she knows that it will take time for everyone to see that she is serious in her recovery, but I can tell that his treatment is very hurtful for her.

Staying away from her kids is behavior that she displayed at the very end of her using...I did a drug test today, because I honestly did not believe that she had not relapsed. She asked me to do the I would believe her. She is clean. This behavior, I know, is the emotional side of becoming a recovering addict. I am fearful for her life at this point, she is so depressed and in so much emotional pain.

I asked her if she wanted to go to the hospital and be evaluated at the behavioral unit, she said yes, but then, what about her children? There is no one who can care for them, I have to work and I simply cannot afford their daycare. I can't risk loosing my job, I have no time off left after taking off to assist with her detox, but I have pretty much resigned myself to giving up my job so that she can get treatment, and drove her to the hospital, they would not admit her because she has no insurance and say it's not a life threatening emergency..easy for them to say, she is destructing right in front of me. They refer her to an outpatient counseling service who has already refused to treat her because she has no insurance and can't pay for their services.

She finally applied for medicaid, but it will be a month before she starts receiving services.

She is doing the best she can and is staying sober, not using, it's taking everything she has to stay clean. I don't know how much longer she can hang on like this. I am thankful she isn't experiencing withdrawal symptoms, (thanks to a naltrexone implant) she is fighting the battle of her life.

I don't want to try to control her recovery, but she is reaching out asking for help..the kind of help I have prayed she would ask for..I have no answers, but I do have alot of anger and I just don't understand what it takes to get help when you are reaching out for it..ready for it. I believed it would be there when she was ready. How wrong I was about that. At one point today, she had a real meltdown, and asked me why I lied to her about being able to do a rehab program after she finished her detox. Later after she calmed down, she apologised and told me she didn't really blame me, she is just so exhausted and sad. All I could do was hug her and tell her that it will get better, but I honestly don't think I believe that right now.

She has been to several NA meetings, she said that listening to everyone talk about their addiction and what they used makes her think about using again. I have not encouraged her to go back, but I did suggest that she work the 12 steps on her own and maybe attend some meetings here on SR.

I knew it wasn't going to be easy, but I never dreamed it would be this difficult.
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Old 02-08-2009, 10:51 PM
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heartandhome, I feel for both you & your AD. My RAD has found AA meetings to be more helpful to her than NA. Perhaps your daughter can try those. I've seen the depression, and can honestly say I KNOW how you feel, Especially when they are trying to do the right thing. I also know how it is when my H would continually be on my RAD's back. Never believed she was clean, didn't believe in her going to rehab, because it didn't work b/4. I told him that I had hope. She has it doubly hard because her H didn't want her to go to rehab either. And he still doesn't get it that she goes to so many meetings.
I don't know where you live, in my RAD's case she was lucky enough to get into rehab within the same week that she called. I don't know if it was with the help of some of her program friends or not. We also have a "crisis" phone # that she could call, and did.
Recovery is difficult. I am praying that your AD gets the help she needs.
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Old 02-09-2009, 12:45 AM
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I'm sorry you and your daughter are struggling so much.

I'm a recovering addict, and I've always preferred AA to NA meetings. It's a personal thing, but there were always many more AA meetings available, and more social things, like holiday parties and birthday dinners. I never discussed my drug use, I just mentioned "picking up" in general, and looked for the similarities in my behavior..there were plenty.

Who is going to watch her kids if she gets in rehab? The reason I'm asking, is Salvation Army has a rehab program, that I think is free. I don't know all the particulars, but I know of people who have gotten clean with their help.

The depression, when we A's (addicts) quit IS hard to get through, but we do get through. It's also hard when someone constantly belittles you. I'm glad she has YOU in her corner. I went a few weeks, where I was filled with guilt and shame, constantly put myself down. After that though, I got my backbone again, and when someone would put me down, it would make me angry and MORE determined to prove them wrong. I wasn't nasty about it, I just kept moving forward.

I wish I had better advice, but please continue to take care of YOU! I know your heart hurts for your daughter. When I've struggled, in my recovery, with consequences from using, my dad simply said "I'm sorry"...that meant the world to me. He couldn't fix it. However, I knew I was loved and he felt my pain. I didn't WANT him all stressed out over my stuff..that would just make me feel worse.

Hugs and prayers!

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Old 02-09-2009, 01:14 AM
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Heart, sadly it is not unusual to have to wait for rehab. The usual procedure is to get on a waiting list and then report either every day or every week so they know you are still interested and in about a month you get in.

If she's been waiting 30 days, she should be close to getting in. It's a good idea to apply at more than one, some lines move faster than others.

My prayers go out for both of you, I know how hard it is to "wait". I agree with others here that in the meantime meetings would help her a lot.

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Old 02-09-2009, 05:47 AM
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Is she on a waiting list?
When my son was admitted a few years ago, it had been after a couple week wait, and they arranged for his med assistance in there. Trust me, they want the payment so they'll push it through.
I hope things seem brighter for her soon

Last edited by cece1960; 02-09-2009 at 06:13 AM.
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Old 02-09-2009, 06:09 AM
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From what i've seen with my son - its a month or two after he gets clean that the really hard stuff starts for him. That's because that is the point that his mind clears and all those issues he was trying to coverup surface. I agree with the others that lots of meetings and maybe a sponser could help to get her through this.
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