BayAreaPhoenix

I personally like Pema Chodron, especially When Things Fall Apart and The Places that Scare You.

BayAreaPhoenix

I needed to see this note years ago! Wonder how come God took so long to make sure I saw it, surely I should have been first on the list to receive it !!!!!
Thanks Anvil - love it!

Serenity Bound

Callie, I've struggled with Letting Go & Letting God......my problem is that I keep Letting Go & Taking it Back......Yikes!!!


Here is a page out of the "Courage to Change Book" Feb 17......I keep this on my refridg. as a reminder

My vision can be so limited. I often think that the only possible outcomes are those that I can imagine. Fortunately, my HP is not restricted by such logic. In fact, some of the most wondrous events grow out of what appeared to be disasters.

But faith takes patience. Fears can loom large, and I can get lost in my limited thinking. When I can't see any way out and I doubt that even a HP can help me, that's when I most need to pray. When I do, my actions demonstrate my willingness to be helped. And time after time, the help I need is given to me.

Today, I know that even when my situation looks bleak and I can't see any way out, miracles can happen if I turn my will and my life over to God.

Today's reminder:

I have an important part tp play in my relationship with my HP-I have to be willing to receive help, and I have to ask for it. If I develop the habit of turning to my HP for help with small, everyday matters, I'll know what to do when faced with more difficult challenges.

"In the hour of adversity be not without hope
For crystal rain falls from black cloud"

The above helps me get centered.
Hugs,
Chris

outonalimb

Wow..this is a great discussion !

Callie,

All I can say is that I spent alot of time being really pissed off at the universe after finding out about my exah's addiction. I was angry with my ex, with myself, with the person who supplied his drugs, with his parents for not raising him 'the right way', the list goes on and on and on.

I really thought God had abandoned me. I did everything 'right' too...I was a good wife, a good mom, a hard worker...I didn't deserve to have this ugly problem thrown into my lap.

But eventually I realized that the addiction wasn't God's doing. And I also realized that as awful as my experience was, it could have been worse. I know now (only with the benefit of hindsight) that my HP actually protected me from alot of harm that could have befallen me. I didn't see this at the time but I sure do now.

I thought I'd never get past all of it. I felt trapped. But, just as my quote says, sometimes we have to let go of the life we have planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us. Your HP hasn't forgotten you. He has alot of great things in store if you can just put down your dukes for a while and be open to where he is leading you. He's got a plan. Hold onto that thought and trust him.

I know it isn't easy. You aren't going to get where you want to be in a day...its a process...a journey...but you're making incredible strides whether you see it or not.

Hugs...

Impurrfect

(((Callie)))

I've been dealing with consequences of my own addiction for quite a while. I deserve it, I brought it on myself.

However, I've also been dealing with stuff I DIDN'T bring on myself. The economy sucks; I've been robbed at work not once, but twice; problems at work that have affected me, my hours and pay, but are, in no way, my fault; my dad is struggling financially and I am unable to help him; my stepmom has addiction problems AND chronic pain. There have been other curve balls, but these are the ones I'm dealing with right now.

To me, turning things over to HP means taking care of what I can. I have learned, from experience, that every time I have worried, stressed, and tried to control the outcome of a situation...it hasn't changed a thing. It's just drained me.

When I'm going through something stressful, I just say a prayer "help me get through this, and do the right thing".

I've learned to stop questioning "God's will"...there is no way I could ever possibly know what His will is.

I have learned, in hindsight, that when I was frustrated and impatient, I was right where I needed to be...I just couldn't see it. Today, I tell myself "I'm right where I need to be"...I may not FEEL that way, but I accept it.

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

MrsMagoo

Letting go does not reliquish us of taking responsibility for decisions in our life or making choices. God gave us free will. As far as the insurance goes, you had to do it for you and kids. As far as AH goes, well, that part is up to him. You have made your position clear.

Just trust God to put you exactly where you need to be. [[Hugs]]

mooselips

I said this before somewhere around here, I'm sure...but, I'll say it again.

When I first started out in Alanon, I had little faith, I believed only I could fix the problems in my life. It never entered my head to speak with my H.P. about my problems.

The longer I attended Alanon, I saw people relaxing, peaseful, and full of serenity. I wanted what they HAD.

It took my awhile to learn the secret.
First I slowly did the steps, set up my boundaries, and began detaching from the drama, then I started believing in a power greater than ME.

And after turning it over and asking for help, life for me, seriously has changed. I am not that crazy, about to be commited to the looney-bin, gal anymore. I've regained my saneness.

PacNorwesterner

"The Shack" was excellent. I'm, also, a very fast reader; but I could only read small bits at a time. It was so powerful, I had reflect on what I was reading.

I recently gave it to my uncle who is fighting pancreatic cancer. I don't have his feedback, yet; but hope he is receiving some comfort from it.

Although it is fiction and not self-help, I recommend that you all give it a try. (It starts out a little weird, but stick with it).

incitingsilence

The Shack is a powerful book, and one that will most certainly hold a different more personal meaning for those who take the time to read it. It is about healing, and forgiveness of oneself as well and letting go of the pain that many carry for far to long, with no real purpose. That pain that at times sets exactly where one finds themselves, well when they take the time to look, anyway….

It is so easy to look at everyone around and say they all have the problem.

Some very good stuff in this thread….

Very important words int hem quote boxes, thanks for keeping it real….

I found that there is a misconception as to what it means to give it up to your HP…
And that there is a huge difference in giving up to find peace as opposed to doing the work and finding it.

What are you trying to give up callie, and if you are giving up the same things over and over then they might be yours to fix, and that might be why you keep finding yourself ( well if you are ) frustrated, in an endless search for answers to questions that have none…stuck on repeat…

My feelings, my view….it is really hard to fully work any of the first three steps without the honest look at ourselves in number 4...They are redirection steps, smaller steps to get us to switch the focus back where it belongs. Four helps us to find who we are, the whys of how we have acted and reacted…
And it terms of our HP, how can we at times even have faith, believe in anything anymore if we don’t at the core have faith in ourselves, don’t believe in ourselves.

It is strange we would never ever dare allow the excuse them being an addict as any reason why…and yet we so easily allow their addiction to be a reason why we…insert any insane unhealthy behavior here…

To much power always, just given away…

Personally I have found giving up anything more then the irrational fears was cheating me the chance of finding what I needed to learn in this….And boy did I need to learn, to heal and I can’t even begin to explain how wonderful life is, and that it was wonderful without anyone around me doing anything different….

ACCEPTANCE OF THE THINGS WE CAN NOT CHANGE….
There is healing to be found in those words….

Everything does come back to us, I say this all the time we react and act based on our life experiences, from our lives.
Once we commit to us, turn all that energy we put into them, attempting to save, attempting to fix, to help, to change, to understand, make sense of…
Taking it back, giving ourselves our time and energy…well that is a truly awesome gift.

mooselips

I don't want to hijack this thread, just want to remind all you lovers of books, that there is a Sober Recovery Forum called "Anyone a Bookworm?"

It is listed under Social Groups, user created user groups.

Here's a link:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-bookworm.html



Hope to see you there.

I'm going out tomorrow to get the book "The Shack"

Serenity Bound

I'm going to look for both of the books mentioned!

Callie

Thank you for all of the valuable information here. I'm going to read and reread it. I will check out the book for sure, it's @ my library. I'm in the middle of 2 codie books right now. Cynical One in post 26, you flat out wrote what I feel. Thank you. I've been really struggling lately as AH went on a 2 week blitzed out of his mind binge, then the whole walmart fiasco, finding out MIL had been providing him $ and lying, getting AH to rehab, the counselors, FIL, MIL, AH everyone calling me, dealing with insurance talking with lawyers etc.

Yesterday I spent the entire day cleaning the house, shampooing carpets, washing walls and woodwork, touchup painting, laundry etc. I feel much better when my home is in order. I'm going to spend the weekend washing the SUV, going to the grocery, getting all of my bills in order and spend one on one time with my DS as I'm concerned he's holding things in.

Next week I'm going to focus on myself. I'm going to start doing Yoga and working out. (remind me that I said this ok? I don't want to have to buy new jeans!) I'm going to read every night before bed, I'm going to spend time with my kids. With all of the drama of the past 3 weeks it's really had me searching and desperately wanting to find myself AND my HP again. Loads of valuable information in this thread that I think MANY of us can benefit from. Thank you and thank you for all of the pm's too.

Impurrfect

(((Callie))) - good for you. I love what Cynical one wrote about "everyone that really matters is right there under your roof"...so very true.

I know you feel like, sometimes, you just aren't "getting it", ((Callie)), but you have come SOOOOO far, sweetie. We don't "get it" all at once. We take steps forward, slide back a little, then go forward again. I think you're doing great...you KNOW when you're struggling, and you come here and ask for advice in getting back on track. You may not always follow that advice, right away but heck, I don't think ANY of us did! If I had a dollar for every time I've said "why didn't I listen back then", I'd be rich!

Hugs and prayers!

Amy