update sorta...
 

well I just want to say that after 1 month things are better....sort of.

things I know:
I've accepted what has happened.
I'm broke, but I will get work eventually
I care about how I look again, I go to the gym everyday again
I have started to paint again.
My AH's family got him a brand new 2009 truck...they 'feel' bad for him...nothing like giving an addict MORE...
My mom loves me unconditionally
My kids love me and I love them
I sing in the car.
My AH says we will be together again...(This will never happen)
I dont know if he is still in recovery or using....it doesnt matter.
I protect my boys, visits are suppervised.
My boys need my AH, he loves them, I want them to visit.
I KNOW I WILL BE OK....I'M JUST DOING MY TIME.

Thanks again to everyone here for helping me get through the shock.

It's not an easy road, but sounds like you are finding out that you are definitely loveable and likeable! good for you! You will find work, you will find your life, you are on your way!

(((hugs)))

Your strength is showing.

Please consider pursuing him in court, for child support. His children need that, too.

I agree with Outtolunch - he NEEDS to be at least financially responsible. I'm glad things are better for you.

I'm proud of you!!! You have come an incredibly long way in a very short time.