Fantasy and Denial!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: md
Posts: 3,042
Fantasy and Denial!
My ex left me a message that he had something "really urgent" to discuss. So, like a fool, I answered that phone the next time he called. My bad.
His "burning desire" was to tell me all about the fact that he feels he should quit his new job, which is "so boring," and return to professional gambling! He feels that now he's kicked the heroin habit, he would be able to "gamble successfully!":wtf2
My question to him was, "If you feel you should do this, why run it by me? You know that I think if you start gambling, which you are addicted to, you will not be able to stop, and you also probably eventually start shooting dope to deal with your inevitable losses and ensuing stress. You know I was going to tell you this. Is that why you called? To have me talk you out of it?"
I then told him to call his sponsor and hung up.
Of course, he goes to every meeting he can figure out that I will be at now. It's the only time he can see me anymore. So he went to my home group, sat down close to me, and began chatting to a newcomer about how he can make a living out of being a pool shark. About some tricks and ways of betting in pool that he knows. How sick to bring that up at an NA meeting. I hope he doesn't trigger anyone else.
I'm so tired of his BS. I wish he would just GO AWAY. I'm not answering any more phone calls, but I don't see how I can stop seeing him at meetings, especially when he goes to ALL the ones near my home.
Now I'm a living example of why not to date in the first year of recovery. Or maybe the second either, since that's coming in just 60 days.
Regretfully,
~KJ
His "burning desire" was to tell me all about the fact that he feels he should quit his new job, which is "so boring," and return to professional gambling! He feels that now he's kicked the heroin habit, he would be able to "gamble successfully!":wtf2
My question to him was, "If you feel you should do this, why run it by me? You know that I think if you start gambling, which you are addicted to, you will not be able to stop, and you also probably eventually start shooting dope to deal with your inevitable losses and ensuing stress. You know I was going to tell you this. Is that why you called? To have me talk you out of it?"
I then told him to call his sponsor and hung up.
Of course, he goes to every meeting he can figure out that I will be at now. It's the only time he can see me anymore. So he went to my home group, sat down close to me, and began chatting to a newcomer about how he can make a living out of being a pool shark. About some tricks and ways of betting in pool that he knows. How sick to bring that up at an NA meeting. I hope he doesn't trigger anyone else.
I'm so tired of his BS. I wish he would just GO AWAY. I'm not answering any more phone calls, but I don't see how I can stop seeing him at meetings, especially when he goes to ALL the ones near my home.
Now I'm a living example of why not to date in the first year of recovery. Or maybe the second either, since that's coming in just 60 days.
Regretfully,
~KJ
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Chicago area
Posts: 4,269
Originally Posted by kj3880 
No, OTL, it's just my second year that I'm entering! I'm finishing my FIRST year of recovery! Sorry for the confusion, but thanks anyway!
Love, KJ
Love, KJ
( note I added the doggie "tail", after you posted.)
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: New Hampshire
Posts: 396
Sounds like your ex is dangerous to your mental health. Personally, I think you should cut ties and avoid him at all costs. At least that's what I've learned having been married to an emotionally abusive person. Easier said than done, I know so well.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: To the North
Posts: 1,086
Congrats on coming up to your 1st Birthday! Yay for you!
If you don't want to switch meetings, try to remember that if they don't get a reaction, after a while they will go away. That's for anyone. They keep poking and poking so long as they get a reaction, but once that reaction stops, they finally get bored and move on to something and someone else that's more *fun* to play with.
Keep on keeping on your own path! Sounds like you're doing great!
(((hugs)))
If you don't want to switch meetings, try to remember that if they don't get a reaction, after a while they will go away. That's for anyone. They keep poking and poking so long as they get a reaction, but once that reaction stops, they finally get bored and move on to something and someone else that's more *fun* to play with.
Keep on keeping on your own path! Sounds like you're doing great!
(((hugs)))
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 1,888
Do other's in your home group or other meetings know what's going on? Would they be able to help in any way? Assist in running some interference for you?
If he's unwanted in the group, since it sounds like he's not exactly committed to recovery since he's still justifying addictive behaviors, maybe he will stop coming.
I feel so bad for you. I absolutely HATE shock value nonsense from my ABF. He runs all his self destructive BS by me. He just wants set me off and get me to tell him not to do it. That way he can go completely the way he wants to and argue I drove him to it by being controlling.
You did a great thing by telling him to call his sponsor and hanging up. Be proud of that.
If he's unwanted in the group, since it sounds like he's not exactly committed to recovery since he's still justifying addictive behaviors, maybe he will stop coming.
I feel so bad for you. I absolutely HATE shock value nonsense from my ABF. He runs all his self destructive BS by me. He just wants set me off and get me to tell him not to do it. That way he can go completely the way he wants to and argue I drove him to it by being controlling.
You did a great thing by telling him to call his sponsor and hanging up. Be proud of that.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: East Tawas, MI
Posts: 3,683
My daughter's ex-abf's brother was court ordered to attend AA meetings. He decided to use the meetings to bash my daughter. The other members cut him off really quickly. Too bad you have to put up with him at a place where you are going to help yourself. Congratulations on the year. Give yourself a big pat on the back. Hugs, Marle
Member
Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 1,906
Hey girl! Haven't seen you in a while! Good for you for sticking up for yourself. My AH is a gambling addict too (poker). For him addiction to drugs and cards seem to both escalate with each other. Congrats on a year!
Belgian Sheepdog Adictee
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: In Today
Posts: 6,101
Talk with your sponsor and ask if there is any way some of the 'gentlemen' in the meetings you attend can make a habit of 'surrounding' him when he shows up.
After a few meetings of this continuously happening he will get the message and will either not come back at all, or settle down.
If that doesn't work, a TRO for 'stalking' may be necessary.
Just some thoughts to run by your sponsor. Sponsors can be very helpful, lol
Congrats on your upcoming year!!!!!!!
Love and hugs,
After a few meetings of this continuously happening he will get the message and will either not come back at all, or settle down.
If that doesn't work, a TRO for 'stalking' may be necessary.
Just some thoughts to run by your sponsor. Sponsors can be very helpful, lol
Congrats on your upcoming year!!!!!!!
Love and hugs,
Congratulations on your 1 year anniversary!!!Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: md
Posts: 3,042
I met with my sponsor to discuss my first step, and his behavior came up during the discussion. I will be changing home groups to avoid this problem, and I will just be ignoring him if he goes to other meetings that I go to.
Now, on to step two, hopefully with fewer distractions!
KJ
Now, on to step two, hopefully with fewer distractions!
KJ
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: md
Posts: 3,042
He was at my sponsor's home group tonight (again), and although I ignored him and turned my back when he approached and started talking to someone else, he poked me in the back after the meeting, and "demanded" a fellowship hug. Ugh! Awkward!!!
Sorry for the continuing whining about this..just need to get it off my chest. Feel free to stop reading this boring thread at any time!
love,
KJ
Sorry for the continuing whining about this..just need to get it off my chest. Feel free to stop reading this boring thread at any time!
love,
KJ
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