Maggiemac

I went into the bedroom my son used when he was home. I haven't been in their since he died. His things are in their and just wasn't ready to think about what to do with them. On the bed was a blue book my son didn't read books I picked it up and it was a NA book.
He was home the weekend before he died so he must have been reading it. I opened it and it had different people writting inside the covers. They were people he met in rehab. when he went the last time. They gave him their phone numbers and said to call and tell them how he was doing. So I started dailing the numbers to tell them that he had died. Not 1 number was inservice.
So that was the end of that. I ran into one of his friends when I was at the food store and she told me that Jason was starting to go to church with her. He talked to the preacher and wanted to learn how to pray. That got me thinking he ask me once when I was taking him to get his ride to work. He said Mum do you pray. I said yes. He said is their special words you have to say I said no. Just talk to God and he will hear you just the words you want him to hear. He did go to Sunday School but has not attend Church in many years. His friend told me he wanted to get his life together was sick of living the way he was. She said he was really trying that made me feel better.
I don't know what happened but he was at least thinking about turnning his life around. When I got home I told my husband and we both sat and cried.
Maggiemac

Serenity Bound

Maggiemac, Lots of hugs coming your way.

Chris

24hrsAday

i am very sorry to hear about your son.. he tried at least.. some people NEVER do..

BayAreaPhoenix

Lots of hugs to you and your husband.

MyJoey

Maggie,
Warm hugs to you and your husband. Keep talking to your sons friends and keep posting about him he will always be alive in your heart, and we would like to get to know him. I am happy that you found he wanted to make some changes with his life, take comfort.

frankly

((Maggie))

Just wanted you to know, I know no words of comfort, but my prayers are with you and your family.

B

sleepygoat

So,so incredibly sad when a child dies of this terrible disease. I will value my own recovery from addiction a little bit more today thanks to your post.

lilmami

my heart goes out to you,and may he be in eternall peace now xxoo

CatsPajamas

I know people who go to NA,and giving a book to a newcomer is fairly common. Many times they will write notes in the front and give numbers. It's possible that many of them were newcomers too, and perhaps they were struggling as he was.... which might explain the nonworking numbers.

It might not seem like it right now,but your son's life and experiences were not in vain. There will come a time when you'll be able to tell your story - and his - and be able to powerfully impact other people.

I'm very sorry for your loss. We moms are not supposed to outlive our children.

imallright

Maggie..... I don't even know what to say, but I know that I want to reach out to you. Big hugs and good for you that you are working at making some type of sense of this horrible situation.

Seren

I have no words...just hugs... HG

winnie12

Oh Maggie - take comfort in knowing that your son was making peace with his HP before this tragedy occurred. My personal views are that HP doesnt need us to be perfect only willing and it sounds like your son was willing.

cassandra2

Sorry for your loss. Thanks for sharing with us.

Ann

Maggie, your words touch my heart because they remind me that our loved ones are trapped in the body of an addict and yet still the person we love.

They don't want to be an addict anymore than we want them to be. It's a sad and tragic disease.

I agree that your boy did not die in vain. Somewhere, someone will catch the message that addicts die in their disease, and that someone may decide to reach out for help. That someone may be my son or someone's husband or father, but you can be sure that he too will have people who love them.

Sending special hugs for you today. Sharing your grief, sharing your story helps more people here than you could ever know.

Hugs

winnie12

I want to second this and also say that sharing that you can get through it (even though you may not feel that way) also helps us.

musicisluv

hugs & smiles coming your way.

For everything there is a season,
And a time for every matter under heaven:
A time to be born, and a time to die;
A time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted;
A time to kill, and a time to heal;
A time to break down, and a time to build up;
A time to weep, and a time to laugh;
A time to mourn, and a time to dance;
A time to throw away stones, and a time to gather stones together;
A time to embrace, And a time to refrain from embracing;
A time to seek, and a time to lose;
A time to keep, and a time to throw away;
A time to tear, and a time to sew;
A time to keep silence, and a time to speak;
A time to love, and a time to hate,
A time for war, and a time for peace.


Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 . ..

BBD

Hi maggie, My heart is with you and your husband at this time. It will take a while till you find peace but hopefully your wonderful son is looking down on you and will help. I'm sure it helps to come here and share and it will help others also. Peace be with you and your family, Bonnie

peaceteach

Thank you for sharing this, Maggie. I know you are suffering, and I pray that you and your husband find solace with each other. Be sure to do something special for yourselves, even if your heart isn't into it. I believe it is the way THROUGH grief, to keep nurturing ourselves until our hearts are into it again.