jerect

Yes it's important that they go to meetings but it's also important that they be responisble functioning human beings too while in recovery... that means paying their bills, buying food and taking care of themselves independently of anyone else.

Even if he is working 60 hours a week.. if his recovery is that important to him, he WILL make time for those meetings...

devastated

Thanks ya'll for straightening me out here. I really didn't think they could hold a job while in recovery! I really thought it was more important that they go to the meetings!

Guess you're right, there are meetings in the evenings for those that hold jobs!

Hugs, Devastated

winnie12

sorry K - that was someone else's post that said that - i should have quoted them to avoid confusion.

hello-kitty

Structure is key in the life of a recovering addict. I'm not sure staying home with kids provides any real structure. And although taking care of kids is a huge responsibility, it's not the same as being responsible for your time to your peers. It's pretty easy to slack off when you are taking care of kids. It's bad parenting but it is what it is.

Regarding work and recovery:

When my friend got out of rehab, the rehab recommended and her husband agreed, that she needed to pay off the debts she incurred when she was an addict out running up her credit cards. Those are the consequences of spending money on drugs instead of bills.

The rehab ALSO told my friend that getting and holding down a job should be PART of her recovery, not outside of it. In the real world most responsible adults work. Addicts need to function in the real world. Therefore they need to learn how to work and not use drugs at the same time.

Really it's what YOU are comfortable with and what your expectations are in a relationship. Are you going to feel bitter about having to go to work while he stays home with the kids and you pay off the debt he incurred while out using drugs? What if he relapses? Do you trust him enough to leave your children with him during the day, knowing that he has only been clean from drugs a little while and isn't "recovered" from his drug addiction?

cassandra2

This is a red flag FOR YOU. Let me explain. As codies we feel the need to control situations to our advantage all the while saying its what is best for someone else.

That being said your fiance NEEDS to get a job. Being idle and NOT working leaves doors open to the whole process of addiction. Getting a job and being a productive member of society is what will HELP him stay clean.

And if he really wants to be sober he knows what situations he shouldnt be in and will take the approapriate measures to ensure his sobriety NO MATTER WHAT. So try not to spend a whole lot of time thinking about what kind of job he shouldnt have and worry more about the "hands off the addict/recovering addict approach".

Good luck to you....

hello-kitty

It shouldn't be about what other people do. It should be about what your fiance chooses to do. Drugs and alcohol are everywhere in this world. We can choose to participate or not.

You can't control other people. You can only control yourself.

marle

My daughter got a job when she was less than 3 months clean. She works in the restaurant business and there are temptations all around her. So far she is staying clean, still going to meetings and paying back HER OWN credit card bills. I refused to coddle her. She has to find her own way to stay clean. There are drugs in any line of work. Your fiance can stay clean and work a job. But if it is more important to you that he stays home with the kids then that is your choice. Hugs, Marle

incitingsilence

A couple things….

Drugs are everywhere, no occupation is any safer than another. And it is never the drug but the person, reason for the saying wherever I go well here I am…

And the reality of life now needs to be taken into consideration, as it always should. Everyone is having a hard time finding work, many desperate for jobs, most will take pay cuts, will work outside their field because they must. They have responsibilities and children they are responsible for…you can’t allow addiction to ever be an excuse for anything. It cheats them….

Also in the real world ( although this can be a scary thought depending how you look at it ) there are those who have jobs through their addiction, through withdrawal, and on into their process of recovery…

And I do so wonder how we might play into it all, so concerned that they might use, if they are out of the house, in a job that might be near a drug area, or one prone to drug use, have some money now and on and one into whatever insanity might run in our heads.

And not to scare you but I bet I can be locked in your home and find a high in 3 minutes….those minutes really only to decide which one I might like better. I say this because I see it over and over to many thinking that anything will effect whether someone uses or not….they use because they want to. Try to keep things simple.


I loved this…


I could run as well and am a meanie when I killjoy ….my husband and I share totally in all decisions, and at times we have both screwed up, and we are both working to correct our end of things.

Complete concurrence…There is a such a breakdown in communication between husbands and wives in this madness….You and he really both need to talk, air your fears if you must allow him to air his and then work on your own solutions….

Good luck!