JMFburns

I haven't posted about myself in a while. I've visited SR almost daily, read many posts and responded to a few. I guess I wasn't ever in "panic mode" and also haven't felt proud enough of myself to warrant posts either way.

Just wanted to talk a bit - My 28 yr old son has a court appt. today for Financial Card Fraud, he was arrested 6-8 weeks ago for it, the offense was many months before. He has been living in a homeless shelter ever since the arrest and claims to be trying to get mental health help. I am proud of myself that I am not taking time off work to go to court with him - I've thought about it very little over the past 6-8 weeks - although if I thought my being there would make any difference, I'd go. I'm realizing part of me (unfortunately not all yet) has accepted that it is his life and I can't control it. He has done whatever he has done and it is best if he answers to the things all on his own.

I can't say that I don't fantasize about the way I'd like things to turn out, like he ends up w/court ordered treatment or the mental health help is an inpatient program, but I can't control it so . . .

Thanks for listening, I appreciate it. I'll continue to keep all of you in my thoughts and prayers and would ask that you say a simple prayer for me and my son that our HP guides us to his path and that I (especially!) am able to follow my HP's guidance.

Thanks, Joan

Serenity Bound

Joan, You're recovery is showing, not going to court with him, realizing that it's his life.........you should be proud of yourself.

I will keep both of you in my thoughts & prayers. And please keep us updated.

Hugs,
Chris

Impurrfect

(((Joan)))

Thanks for the update. I think you have made HUGE progress in taking back your own life, and letting him live his...way to go!!! I am very proud of you!

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

mooselips

Joan,
My son goes to trial, I believe, February 4th, and, like you, I will not be attending. His charges are something to do with his phone being bugged and him, (age 35) after 3 calls, saying he would attempt to find "something"

(who ever gets the whole story on these things? Or do we really want to know, anyway?)

I read this from one of my morning books, this morning:
"Each individual is on a unique journey. What appears to us the best course to follow may not provide the lessons another person is here to learn."

I am praying for your son, and that his H.P. leads him to a path of recovery.....

Hugs....

AquaBlue

Hi Joan,

I think you're doing great! I can SO relate to how you're feeling. I'm struggling with the same thinking...

Praying for you and your son, may God continue to guide both of you. Praying for your peace, also.

:praying

cece1960

Sending prayers Joan.
You should be proud...stepping back is a great accomplishment for us codies.
(((Hugs)))

Freedom1990

I couldn't agree more. Others always saw the progress in me long before I could.

:ghug :ghug

BBD

Hi Joan, I'm really glad you have updated here. I have been thinking about you alot laetly. You sure have come a long way hon and I'm proud of that. It's a long, hard road towards soberity but maybe your son will travel that road after his court date. Good for you with not being there...I know if Chris got arrested I would also be standing on the sidelines...I can't watch anymore of this addiction thing. With love and hugs, Bonnie

greeteachday

Hi Joan...Coming in a bit late here. Have you heard anything from your son about the outcome? (I think it would be really hard not to fantasize at least a bit about how you hope things turn out) You are both in my thoughts and prayers. Thanks so much for checking in.

Ann

Joan, you are a shining example of putting our recovery into action by deciding to sit this one out.

I hope that he finds a better path soon, and will keep him in my prayers.

It's good to hear from you, please don't ever feel "unworthy" here, you are a dear friend and valued member and we love to hear your thoughts.

Hugs

JMFburns

Thank you for the responses it boosts my outlook on my day, my ability to "work my recovery" and my self esteem to hear positive thoughts and receive encouragement.

My son told me he ended up with 2 days of community service or work detail and two fines ($100 & $140) all of which needs to be completed/paid within 90 days. He (like most A's) will put it off untill day 88 I'm sure . . . not my problem and I will NOT be helping to pay the fines.

I went to my Nar-Anon meeting last night - good meeting. On the way there I was talking aloud - one of my famous "pep" talks about how much I hate my life and what a failure I am. And lo and behold alot of our discussion (before I even opened my mouth) was about picking ourselves up and starting over, putting the past behind us and moving forward with a new resolve, etc. Just what I needed to hear! So I take a step back, doesn't mean I can't try to take two steps forward today!

So, with renewed determination, I will try to take my life one moment at a time and think about myself and my happiness just a bit more today - wish me luck!! Or better yet, say a prayer for me!

Joan

sleepygoat

Thanks for the update, Joan. We are so powerless over this stuff! I remember when my daughter finally got arrested in Newark and I allowed myself to fantasize mandatory treatment and stuff, and it turned out to be a $35 fine (for heroin possession) - less than the fine for riding the subway without a ticket (that was $70). I was disappointed, but still i knew it wasn't in my power to control any of it. You sound like you are there, too.

Spiritual Seeker

Hi Joan,
You seem quite in balance. Good for you.
Though you are saddened by the way your son is living his life, you remind us of what detaching with love is all about.

Your son could very well change, but with mental health issues it gets complicated.
Are there any mental health clinics in your area. Does he qualify for state health insurance? My son is being treated for mental health (bipolar/depression) now in conjunction with addiction. But without my help he did not have the capacity to figure out public assistance on his own for help with medication costs and me paying for eval. and therapy. At this point, Now that he is medicated and sober I am able to back away and let him manage his meds. etc.

But of course, he had to get sober before he was able to understand his mental health issues.

I hope your son is open to the help he needs.

ctrom40

Joan,

I think that you are doing well in detaching from all the drama that our addicts would like us to participate in. I pray that your son finds his path soon.

Sending prayers for you, and some good luck vibes....

Hugs,

Seren

Oh...I hope your son finds his way to recovery and to the help he needs.

Hugs and prayers!
HG

MyJoey

Joan,

I am sorry you and all of us have to deal with these issues of addiction, while we know what we have to do......it sure is not easy. You give me hope that when my day comes to have to detach (son is 17) I will be able to handle it knowing others like yourself have done it, even though I know it is heartbreaking. Sending you big hugs!