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is it possible

Old 01-27-2009, 05:59 PM
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is it possible

could 6 months of jail possibly get them clean? She has been a crack addict 4 yrs. and used marijuana, and cocaine for 15 years. crack has been hell. She got out of jail and does not feel she needs treatment as she was in for 3 months a year ago. relapsed and spent time in jail. Has been out for about a month and a half. 3 weeks ago she moved in with a guy. I know nothing about him, not even his name. She doesn't offer any info. and I don't ask. She was here the other day and my phone rang. It was someone I know from her days before jail and they used crack together. She apparently is now in contact with him again. She swears she is not using, but my gut tells me differently. I hate to always be suspicious around her,but keeping in contact with an old crack buddy and moving in with someone 3 weeks out of jail doesn't look very positive
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Old 01-27-2009, 06:19 PM
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Sometimes all we can do is pray for them and then try to stay out of the way of the chaos.

I hope she finds a better path soon. Sometime's it is darkest before the dawn.

Hugs
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Old 01-27-2009, 06:21 PM
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Katie53, welcome to SR...

While anything is possible, unless your daughter was working a program while she was in jail.. then I highly doubt that it was enough time for her to get and stay clean...

3 weeks ago she moved in with a guy. I know nothing about him, not even his name. She doesn't offer any info. and I don't ask. She was here the other day and my phone rang. It was someone I know from her days before jail and they used crack together. She apparently is now in contact with him again
This would be a huge red flag for me... she is still playing on the same playground with the same playmates... dangerous territory for someone who is either newly sober or trying to get clean

She swears she is not using, but my gut tells me differently
Your gut is probably 100% spot on... my gut has never been wrong...

I don't know a whole lot about crack but there are some awesome recovering crack addicts and family members of crack addicts who post here that can give you better advice then me..
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Old 01-27-2009, 06:33 PM
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katie53, I would trust my gut. My AD's DOC is crack. She has spend time in jail, in drug court, etc. (yep, even rehab) When my gut told me she was probably using again, she was. (sorry) She now has 2 mos clean, she is working her program. I can only pray that she continues doing all of the right things, one day at a time. And I agree with you, seeing or speaking to old crack addict friends....doesn't seem like the right path.

I will be praying for both you & your daughter.

Hugs,
Chris
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Old 01-27-2009, 07:52 PM
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They feel so much more comfortable with their own. Although we love them to death, in the end, most of us become the enemy. We get in their way. I have told my ex a thousand times, they are not your friends! If they were your friends, why do you have to come back here to borrow money! Where are your FRIENDS now? And, no response, just give me the money. His friends were users, just like him, users in every conceivable way. It's odd though how they protect one another in almost an honorable way. Mine went to the extent of buying a tape recorder and taping one of our fights after he went on a three day binge, just to prove to his new girl how hard life was on him and how bad he had it. Now that's low, but inventive.

Go with your gut and then look at what you can and cannot do. Take the emphasis off her and take care of yourself. I know it's hard, but sometimes it's not even a choice. Life for all of us who have been tainted by drugs and the people we love has been so heart breaking. But I believe that HP has put us here for a reason, and this person we love, for a reason.

Sorry to rant, I know you know this already. Maybe I am just grieving a bit tonight myself. Hugs!
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Old 01-28-2009, 01:27 AM
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(((Katie53)))

Welcome to SR!

I'm a recovering crack addict. I did stay clean, for a time, after being locked up for almost 6 months. However, I wasn't working any kind of program of recovery. I just stayed clean. It wasn't long before I was "dabbling" here and there with crack, again. I could go a month or 2 without using, but then it got more frequent. Finally, I relapsed, for 8 days, and just about lost everything, again. This was despite staying clean MOST of almost 2 years.

It was then that I realized I had to make changes in my life..I had to do more than just stay clean. I don't hang around people that do crack, I have a job and I pay my bills. I've had to move back in with my family, and even though I've been an adult for a LONG, long time, I still let them know where I am because I know that "disappearing" is their first clue that I'm using.

I would go with your gut, and in all honesty, I see red flags in her behavior. I will tell you, however, that until she hits bottom, there is nothing you can do or say to make her want recovery. I had to get to the point where my consequences were bad enough that using just wasn't worth it any more. Being a street-walking homeless person didn't do it, getting locked up didn't do it, losing my nursing license didn't do it. But when I worked hard, for 2 years, to try to get back on my feet, then relapsed and was on the verge of going to prison? (I'd been in county jail and diversion center before)..that did it for me.

We A's (addicts) all have our own bottoms. The best way for us to find our bottom is for those who love us to step back and let us face our consequences. Don't lend us money, don't give us a nice place to stay when we're crashing because we've been out using. Don't let us stand there and lie to your face and just take it. Don't let us steal from you without consequences....press charges. Go on with your life, as hard as it may seem. When I had a little clean time, and realized how much of my family's life I had missed, I wanted to get back into my family!! It made me work harder at recovery.

I'm glad you found us. There are some wonderful and supportive people here.

Hugs and prayers!

Amy
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Old 01-29-2009, 06:47 PM
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thank you impurrfect for taking the time for this great response. I do believe she needs to work a program, but she feels she's fine without it. I still see compulsive behaviors, and prioritys are not with her children, it still seems to be about her. I hope you are proud of yourself for doing the hard work, you earned it
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Old 01-30-2009, 09:33 AM
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Hi Katie. I have first hand experience with crack, recovery, crack addicts, and loved ones in and out of jail due to the addiction.

Her actions sure don't sound like the actions of someone who is in recovery. I think the good thing about jail is that it gives them to clean up a little so their brains are clear and they can contemplate what a mess they've made of their lives.

But it's up to them to stay clean when they get out and that's not easy for addicts.

Good luck to you. Focus on staying detached. You can't make her better, no matter how much you want it for her. She must go through whatever she puts herself through until she finds her own way. It's hard to watch. But necessary for an addicts recovery. Don't let it destroy your life though. Youre daughter will appreciate that you are still around and stood firm with your boundaries once she gets out of the fog of addiction.
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Old 01-30-2009, 10:21 AM
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Originally Posted by katie53 View Post
I do believe she needs to work a program, but she feels she's fine without it. I still see compulsive behaviors, and prioritys are not with her children, it still seems to be about her.
Yes, she does need some sort of a program.

The drugs and alcohol were a solution for me for a long time because I couldn't stand myself. I was never comfortable in my own skin.

Abstinence from the drugs is a bare beginning to the process. If the underlying issues behind the addiction aren't addressed, well the results are predictable-back to self-medicating those crappy feelings.

My EXAH was a convicted felon, straight out of the penitentiary for the second time when I met him. He eventually ended up going back for a year on a parole violation, and was moved to a minimum security facility about 9 months in, where he went to a work site every day where they were building a work release facility for convicted felons.

They were randomly UA'd during that time, and he stayed clean while he was incarcerated.

However, once he was out and back home, it was a matter of weeks before he was back to the drugs and whiskey.

He never had a program of recovery. He only abstained during his incarceration.
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Old 01-31-2009, 07:51 PM
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She could land up in prison. She's on 3 yrs probation, 2 felonys were read in that she could still serve the time on. She said that is what keeps her clean. She is so involved with this new man in her life. Like a teen ager rather than a 33 yr. old. All I now about him, is that he didnt even own a frying pan or dishes, she provided them. She gives her girls about 3 hrs. a week on Sun. I would think someone in a real recovery would put their family first and not have time for a relationship. I hear using is only 5% of the total problem with addiction.
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Old 01-31-2009, 10:01 PM
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It's a disease. If not treated, the disease resumes even after a period of abstinence. She's probably using. So diabolical to have a disease where the ill person refuses to believe they are sick and need treatment - as a symptom of the same disease.
Keep praying though; where there's life there's hope.
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