Language of Letting Go - Jan. 27 - Needing People
Nature Girl
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Language of Letting Go - Jan. 27 - Needing People
You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go
Needing People
We can find the balance between needing people too much and not letting ourselves need anyone at all.
Many of us have unmet dependency needs lingering from the past. While we want others to fulfill our desire to be loved unconditionally, we may have chosen people who cannot, or will not, be there for us. Some of us are so needy from not being loved that we drive people away by needing them too much.
Some of us go to the other extreme. We may have become used to people not being there for us, so we push them away. We fight off our feelings of neediness by becoming overly independent, not allowing ourselves to need anyone. Some of us won't let people be there for us.
Either way, we are living out unfinished business. We deserve better. When we change, our circumstances will change.
If we are too needy, we respond to that by accepting the needy part of us. We let ourselves heal from the pain of past needs going unmet. We stop telling ourselves we're unlovable because we haven't been loved the way we wanted and needed.
If we have shut off the part of us that needs people, we become willing to open up, be vulnerable, and let ourselves be loved. We let ourselves have needs.
We will get the love we need and desire when we begin to believe we're lovable, and when we allow that to happen.
Today, I will strive for the balance between being too needy and not allowing myself to need people. I will let myself receive the law that is there for me.
From The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie ©1990, Hazelden Foundation.
Needing People
We can find the balance between needing people too much and not letting ourselves need anyone at all.
Many of us have unmet dependency needs lingering from the past. While we want others to fulfill our desire to be loved unconditionally, we may have chosen people who cannot, or will not, be there for us. Some of us are so needy from not being loved that we drive people away by needing them too much.
Some of us go to the other extreme. We may have become used to people not being there for us, so we push them away. We fight off our feelings of neediness by becoming overly independent, not allowing ourselves to need anyone. Some of us won't let people be there for us.
Either way, we are living out unfinished business. We deserve better. When we change, our circumstances will change.
If we are too needy, we respond to that by accepting the needy part of us. We let ourselves heal from the pain of past needs going unmet. We stop telling ourselves we're unlovable because we haven't been loved the way we wanted and needed.
If we have shut off the part of us that needs people, we become willing to open up, be vulnerable, and let ourselves be loved. We let ourselves have needs.
We will get the love we need and desire when we begin to believe we're lovable, and when we allow that to happen.
Today, I will strive for the balance between being too needy and not allowing myself to need people. I will let myself receive the law that is there for me.
From The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie ©1990, Hazelden Foundation.
Nature Girl
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
When I was living in the depths of my codependency, I shut out family and friends, not wanting them to know the problems we were facing, not wanting their help or advice because "they didn't understand" and because it was all I could do to keep my little 3 ring circus going without outside interference.
Early in recovery, I found peace in my own quiet space, partly isolation and more so in solitude. I had never been to a peaceful, quiet place in my life before and it was as if I needed to rest there a while before I rejoined the world.
It took time, I was lucky that my family and friends were still there. There were amends to be made by me, damages to repair, and renewed spirit to be added to our journey, but slowly my relationships with others began to heal also.
A big part of this healing was me being honest with them and myself, stating my needs and asking for help when I needed it. This was a new concept to me and to them, but in time it helped keep my relationships in balance. Give and take, help and be helped. share the joy and share the pain, and treasure the outcome.
Hugs
Early in recovery, I found peace in my own quiet space, partly isolation and more so in solitude. I had never been to a peaceful, quiet place in my life before and it was as if I needed to rest there a while before I rejoined the world.
It took time, I was lucky that my family and friends were still there. There were amends to be made by me, damages to repair, and renewed spirit to be added to our journey, but slowly my relationships with others began to heal also.
A big part of this healing was me being honest with them and myself, stating my needs and asking for help when I needed it. This was a new concept to me and to them, but in time it helped keep my relationships in balance. Give and take, help and be helped. share the joy and share the pain, and treasure the outcome.
Hugs
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
