HeroinWidow

My late AH was a musician. He was in the music industry and was one of those gifted guys that could *hear* a symphony and all the pieces and parts in his head. If music were playing, I'd lose him...he just got lost in it. He was also very talented and played several instruments. One of our first dates was to an opera and he was mesmerized (I was sleeping...).

When he died, I stopped listening to music. It hurt too much. I've been know to run out of more than one grocery store, butcher shop or retail store because of the piped-in music. More often than not, I would be crying behind my sunglasses, as I left the store. The only music I could handle was the kids' music...nursery-rhyme type of songs, etc. A few months back, I finally did buy some cd's one day to put them in the car, but made sure they were artists I'd never heard of before or songs I didn't know. I couldn't stand listening to the radio, it was like a grief minefield.

But things are changing. I have started to re-visit some of *our* favorite songs, actually putting on my old cd's in the car. I can now listen to many of our songs and not cry. Sadly enough, my daughter (she's almost 4) looked at me the first time I put one on in her presence and said, "please don't cry, Mommy" (I felt like crap to hear her say that...but then I remember being told by her pediatrician that she needed to see my tears and know it was okay to grieve...I just tried to limit her overall exposure to my tears and sadness).

I bought a Genesis cd today. I was out w/o the kids and put it on the in the car and listened to "Follow you, Follow me" and bawled my eyes out for the 1st go around. The second time I played it, I smiled. The third time, I could almost feel his hand in mine, just as I had held it and told him that I'd always dreamed of sharing this song with someone. The fourth time, I sang it at the top of my lungs to him.

But I didn't cry.

The fifth time, the kids were in the car and they both told me they loved that song and asked me to play it over and over again.

It was a small step in my own recovery and healing.

Thanks for letting me share.

HW
*********************************************
Follow you, Follow me
-Genesis

Stay with me,
My love I hope youll always be
Right here by my side if ever I need you
Oh my love

In your arms,
I feel so safe and so secure
Everyday is such a perfect day to spend
Alone with you

I will follow you will you follow me
All the days and nights that we know will be
I will stay with you will you stay with me
Just one single tear in each passing year

With the dark,
Oh I see so very clearly now
All my fears are drifting by me so slowly now
Fading away

I can say
The night is long but you are here
Close at hand, oh Im better for the smile you give
And while I live

I will follow you will you follow me
All the days and nights that we know will be
I will stay with you will you stay with me
Just one single tear in each passing year there will be

I will follow you will you follow me
All the days and nights that we know will be
I will stay with you will you stay with me
Just one single tear in each passing year...

Done_With_It

catlovermi

Thank you for this great, insightful post.

I've found that grief is a lot like addiction - when you are in the middle of it, it feels like there's no way out, that you are to be stuck in this misery forever, and what's the use. But if you take one day at a time, one step at a time, and go forward, eventually you get to the other side, and then magically the mist clears and the pain is of a different quality, and manageable.

Your post's illustration of processing through one step of grief by listening to the song once, feeling the intense pain and processing THROUGH it, then going several more rounds PAST the grief, was so wonderful a real life lesson how to work through grief. Thanks for this share!

CLMI