lovtolaff

Hello all. I found this on another board that I read and I thought someone here might need this today.

I will say that the Charmer was my x to a TEE!!!! Very scary stuff - especially the quote at the bottom. How true how true!

Charmers and Con Artists
by Brenda Branson
In her book, Charmers & Con Artists & Their Flip Side , author Sandra Scott identifies the following characteristics:

Charmers . . .
are often described as "the nicest guy you could ever know," but in relationships they are very controlling, self-serving, and irresponsible.

seldom agree to therapy. They don't see a problem with themselves so why should they change? If they go to therapy, they try to charm the therapist.

look good on the outside, but an ulterior motive lurks on the inside

see themselves as victims rather than those they hurt

believe they are special and entitled to special behavior; rules that apply to others do not apply to them
have their own brand of logic and an excuse for everything

appear to be very giving, but there is always a price to pay for their attention

can apologize easily, but there is no true repentance

don't feel love or guilt deeply, tend to minimize the pain of those they have hurt

discredit their accusers when they are confronted

cope by making themselves the hero in the worst situations

are very clever, and often able to keep from being caught

have extreme shifts in personality, may be kind and sarcastic in the same instant

are very needy, and blame others for not being able to meet their needs

appear to be very sensitive to others, and use their sense of humor to make others laugh or feel good
shift attention off themselves onto others to keep from being found out

depend on lies and deception to maintain a good image

need power and control to bolster their low self-esteem and very fragile ego

have a distorted sense of shame, and feel no embarrassment in doing whatever is necessary to get their needs satisfied
are narcissistic, and need to believe they are superior to others

are intimidated by intelligent, perceptive women

live in constant fear of discovery

find and use those who will appreciate and adore them

rationalize their behavior with no remorse for the pain they cause

are one frustration away from violence

will not change as long as life works for them and there are no consequences to face

are the center of their world and need constant praise and adoration from others

know how to win the confidence of others, and use personal information against them later to make themselves feel better or superior

view their own thoughts and words as ultimate truth

use kindness as a smoke screen to solicit silence or lack of confrontation of their actions

are master manipulators who zero in on others' point of weakness

lay heavy guilt trips on anyone who confronts their bad behavior

twist the truth, lie, distract, accuse and use irrational and irrelevant arguments if confronted

lack healthy shame

mess with your mind to make themselves look normal—twist, distort, and tarnish your reputation

know how to play the courtroom game and come across more credible than their victims

Con Artists . . .
are motivated by greed for material gain

choose those to whom they show genuine love and affection, with the capability of killing a stranger or enemy without regret

have a selective conscience with their own code of ethics

know right from wrong, but choose to do wrong to get what they want

seek trusting or naive people to con

often back off or move on to con someone else when they don't get what they want

will resort to violence when they cannot escape

make the conscious choice to do evil

don't mind hurting others as long as they get what they want

Sandra Scott summarizes the charmer and con artist this way:

"A healthy person seeks to be good. A Charmer seeks to be perceived as good because he desperately needs to believe he is good, because he fears he isn't. A con artist seeks to be perceived as good in order to get what he wants."

Her warning should be taken seriously: "The con artist can rob you of your time, energy and money. The Charmer can rob you of your youth, your integrity, your self-esteem, your very soul. The con artist robs and leaves you sadder but wiser. The Charmer rapes your spirit and drags you with him into his own personal hell."

sodetermined

That def. describes my xabf (who is also a meth addict). He will do anything to zero in on my weakness, to get what he wants. He knows he does wrong, but he will do anything to justify his actions in his own mind.

NeedingHelp7

All I could say was yes, to each word. This is so true. Thanks for posting.

Charm is deceitful, beauty is vain.

lovtolaff

sodetermined - than READ it AGAIN! I saved the whole thing on my computer so that I can go back and look at it and remember what it was like living with a "charmer" and a crackhead. Ick.

ex D-Boy

interesting article, thanks for posting lov. definitely saw some character traits of my own, when using, that matched some of these.

Alaia

Thanks for posting that. :-)