I knew it was coming
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 13
I knew it was coming
The relapse. Without a good aftercare program, I knew it was only a matter of time until my daughter relapsed. She has been to a couple of meetings, but knowing her like I do, I could see she didn't gain a thing from them.
This morning, she stole my debit card out of my wallet and cleaned out my checking account. She didn't return home to meet her son when he got off the school bus...I left work early to be sure someone was here for him because I knew she would'nt be..I could just feel it..I guess it is true what they say about mother's intuition.
She still isn't home..no calls, nothing. I am not suprized, but I am am heartbroken..and very worried. My grandson is here, safe with me, but her daughter is out there..somewhere with her.
She has the Naltrexone implant..and that means she won't feel anything if she uses..but she can also O/D very easily. With the accelerated detox, her body is like the body of someone who has never used before. At this point, I am just waiting for the phone call that tells me she is dead or hospitalized.
I know if she returns home, I should bar the door, but with a 2 year old, I can't do it..no matter how enabling it is...I can close the door on my daughter and leave her to deal with her life on her own..but I can't do that to my grandchild.
I want to detach. I need to detach. I love my daughter but I hate the life she has chosen for herself, the drugs that rule her world and have turned her into a monster I don't even recognize.
I don't know how to do it...how to turn my back on this person I love, or how to stop taking care of these little ones who are like my own babies now. I know if I make her leave, they will go with her, she won't leave them here with me..out of spite, out of anger, out of a need to prove to she is in control..she will take these babies out into the cold with no where to go..I just don't know how to justify that..no matter what I need for myself and my own sanity...the children have to come first.
I hate this so very much. I just want my family safe, is that too much to ask????
I hate her for doing this to her children, to me. I love her with all my heart.
And most of all, I hate waiting for a phone call...the perpetual waiting.
This morning, she stole my debit card out of my wallet and cleaned out my checking account. She didn't return home to meet her son when he got off the school bus...I left work early to be sure someone was here for him because I knew she would'nt be..I could just feel it..I guess it is true what they say about mother's intuition.
She still isn't home..no calls, nothing. I am not suprized, but I am am heartbroken..and very worried. My grandson is here, safe with me, but her daughter is out there..somewhere with her.
She has the Naltrexone implant..and that means she won't feel anything if she uses..but she can also O/D very easily. With the accelerated detox, her body is like the body of someone who has never used before. At this point, I am just waiting for the phone call that tells me she is dead or hospitalized.
I know if she returns home, I should bar the door, but with a 2 year old, I can't do it..no matter how enabling it is...I can close the door on my daughter and leave her to deal with her life on her own..but I can't do that to my grandchild.
I want to detach. I need to detach. I love my daughter but I hate the life she has chosen for herself, the drugs that rule her world and have turned her into a monster I don't even recognize.
I don't know how to do it...how to turn my back on this person I love, or how to stop taking care of these little ones who are like my own babies now. I know if I make her leave, they will go with her, she won't leave them here with me..out of spite, out of anger, out of a need to prove to she is in control..she will take these babies out into the cold with no where to go..I just don't know how to justify that..no matter what I need for myself and my own sanity...the children have to come first.
I hate this so very much. I just want my family safe, is that too much to ask????
I hate her for doing this to her children, to me. I love her with all my heart.
And most of all, I hate waiting for a phone call...the perpetual waiting.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Kansas
Posts: 10,182
I am so sorry for your pain.
My oldest AD lost custody of her children when she overdosed in front of them and now their father has custody.
I understand because she used those children as pawns for many years and I enabled the crap out of her.
My only suggestion would be to call Child Protective Services. I know if they take children away from a mother, they would much rather place the children with a relative like a grandparent than in a foster home. My daughter signed custody over to the father because CPS was going to file charges against her if she didn't.
:ghug :ghug
My oldest AD lost custody of her children when she overdosed in front of them and now their father has custody.
I understand because she used those children as pawns for many years and I enabled the crap out of her.
My only suggestion would be to call Child Protective Services. I know if they take children away from a mother, they would much rather place the children with a relative like a grandparent than in a foster home. My daughter signed custody over to the father because CPS was going to file charges against her if she didn't.
:ghug :ghug
Restoring myself to sanity
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Georgia
Posts: 1,018
(((((heartandhome)))))
I'm sorry for your pain...
I used to get so angry and heartbroken at my AH everytime he relapsed.. I finally had to turn it over to my HP and know that he was in better hands..
I'm sorry for your pain...
I used to get so angry and heartbroken at my AH everytime he relapsed.. I finally had to turn it over to my HP and know that he was in better hands..
Member
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: In
Posts: 561
We went through the same thing with our AD an grandson so I understand how you feel. My daughter did the same used her son as a pawn , we enabled her just to keep him safe. I agree with.. Freedom... contact Social Services.
Forum Leader
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 10,944
I'm so sorry for all that you have been through, and I'm glad that you are there for your grandchildren. I just have one question:
ummmm....police? She stole your money, right? At least in jail = not dead.
I hope that you hear something soon. My thoughts and prayers are with you.
:praying
HG
ummmm....police? She stole your money, right? At least in jail = not dead.
I hope that you hear something soon. My thoughts and prayers are with you.
:praying
HG
get it, give it, grow in it
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Calif coast
Posts: 3,167
Try to stay in the moment and not awful-ize about what might happen to your
daughter; what is happening is bad enough, without going to an even darker " what if "
Bless you for being there for your grandbabies.
How sad that she uses them to make you enable her.
Getting custody of them is a battle, however, think about this option, because her stealing your debit card/money has crossed a boundary for her to be able to be in your home.
daughter; what is happening is bad enough, without going to an even darker " what if "
Bless you for being there for your grandbabies.
How sad that she uses them to make you enable her.
Getting custody of them is a battle, however, think about this option, because her stealing your debit card/money has crossed a boundary for her to be able to be in your home.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Home of the Ravens-MD
Posts: 1,316
So sorry you're going thru this pain. I would call CPS and see about getting custody. My AD has two little ones also, and I continued to enable for the same reason as you, those precious grandchildren. SR and Naranon helped me see the light and now I know that the more I give in any capacity the more she'll use.
Hugs,
Chris
Hugs,
Chris
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 864
Keeping things simple…that is the basic mantra isn’t it…
Looking right at what is happening, not the past, not the future and what if insanity that view creates.
She stole from you where are the consequences, just like someone has asked, didn't this cross a boundary to be there to begin with….If it was anyone but your daughter who stole from you wouldn’t you call the police?
And who protects the child. Think about how you are in turmoil over your daughters addiction, think about all the things that run in your head, especially the irrational….Imagine what her child feels, as adults where we choose to keep ourselves and the pain we choose to suffer refusing to understand that there is a better way, refusing to help ourselves is one thing…How we allow the child too…See now that is a different story.
Looking right at what is happening, not the past, not the future and what if insanity that view creates.
She stole from you where are the consequences, just like someone has asked, didn't this cross a boundary to be there to begin with….If it was anyone but your daughter who stole from you wouldn’t you call the police?
And who protects the child. Think about how you are in turmoil over your daughters addiction, think about all the things that run in your head, especially the irrational….Imagine what her child feels, as adults where we choose to keep ourselves and the pain we choose to suffer refusing to understand that there is a better way, refusing to help ourselves is one thing…How we allow the child too…See now that is a different story.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: ontario, canada
Posts: 540
I am so sorry, glad you are there for your grandchild. The stealing - have you thought about charging her. As long as she is in your home it will continue. I know its not easy my AS stole thousands of dollars before we charged him. It was one of the boundaries we set. Stealing will not be tolerated or consequences will follow. Take care of yourself and your grandchild. (((((Prayers and hugs)))))
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: in my own world~
Posts: 1,237
Heartandhome, Please contact CPS. They will let you keep the children. Its a quick check of your house and thats about it. Hopefully that will be an awakening for your daughter to go get the help she needs. CPS would rather see children with their parents and there is alot of help for her out there....hugs Gramma, Bonnie
Member
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Union Mo
Posts: 655
Heartandhome,
You know that I am a recovering addict. I dont care to tell to many people about this, but CPS took my kids from me. All it took was 1 phone call. It wasnt my mom but it was the childrens dad. He walked in and found out that I was an addict. He had no clue. His first call while I stood there and watched was to the sheriffs dept. The second call was to CPS. He left and I went on the run. I idnt have the kids at the place I was doing drugs, but I left there and went to pick up my kids before he could(he didnt know where the kids were). I went on the run from the cops. They called me on my cell phone and said I had less than 24 hours to return the children or they would put out an Amber Alert. I would have then faced so many charges from child endagerment and kidnapping to the least of charges. I made the right choice and contacted a friend to return the kids. That was the beginning of the end for me.
The kids were returned to dad. All charges were dropped. ILong story short there was many things I had to do in order to earn the privilge of seeing my kids. I had many resources given to me by CPS to get help and treatment. I took what they offered and cleaned up. I even managed to salvage my relationship with my boyfriend and most importantly the kids. So make that call. Do what ever it takes to help yourself and the kids.
((((((Hugs ))))))
You know that I am a recovering addict. I dont care to tell to many people about this, but CPS took my kids from me. All it took was 1 phone call. It wasnt my mom but it was the childrens dad. He walked in and found out that I was an addict. He had no clue. His first call while I stood there and watched was to the sheriffs dept. The second call was to CPS. He left and I went on the run. I idnt have the kids at the place I was doing drugs, but I left there and went to pick up my kids before he could(he didnt know where the kids were). I went on the run from the cops. They called me on my cell phone and said I had less than 24 hours to return the children or they would put out an Amber Alert. I would have then faced so many charges from child endagerment and kidnapping to the least of charges. I made the right choice and contacted a friend to return the kids. That was the beginning of the end for me.
The kids were returned to dad. All charges were dropped. ILong story short there was many things I had to do in order to earn the privilge of seeing my kids. I had many resources given to me by CPS to get help and treatment. I took what they offered and cleaned up. I even managed to salvage my relationship with my boyfriend and most importantly the kids. So make that call. Do what ever it takes to help yourself and the kids.
((((((Hugs ))))))
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