don't know what to do

Old 01-19-2009, 09:53 PM
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don't know what to do

Hi. I have a younger sister who has been abusing drugs/selling drugs for a long time now. I always thought that it was just a phase and that she'd grow out of it, but it has become obvious from reading other posts that this is not the case. She has a 5-year-old son and lives with my parents, but she continues to use drugs. She is still able to maintain a job, but she leaves early in the morning and then comes home very late and sleeps through the weekend. I found a small lockbox under her bed that contained electronic measures, measuring spoons, small baggies and empty pill capsules so I assumed that these were for selling cocaine. In addition, a bottle of codeine pills was found in her bag and her health complaints are consistent with opioid abuse. We had a family meeting in which she was given two choices - seek treatment or leave the house. However, since that time no one is certain that she has gone to her first session of treatment and she has an endless number of excuses for why she can't get her next appointment. My Dad believes that she is telling the truth, but I am worried that this is all part of getting back to business as usual for her because life around their house has continued in the same way that it had before the family meeting. I don't know what to do because I know that she won't hit rock bottom at my parents house because she's very well taken care of. And I believe the condition about leaving the house is an empty threat because they've told me that she can't really leave because they are worried about what will happen to my nephew. I'm at a loss as to what should be done or can be done. I want my sister to get help, but she doesn't think she needs help and won't need it living in my parents house. Has anyone else been in a similar situation or have any advice?
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Old 01-20-2009, 12:27 AM
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Have you or your parents been to Al-anon?

If it was my house that an addict was living in and they were dealing illegal drugs I would be concerned what the authorities would do to me, as the homeowner.
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Old 01-20-2009, 03:43 AM
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I'm sorry to hear about the drama you are living through and I'm glad that your 5yo nephew at least has you and his grandparents on which he can truly rely.

Welcome to SR.....if you read around the boards, you will find a lot of support and experience to share.

Remember that this is just my opinion: You have made a good step in setting a boundary for your sister (get help or get out). Is her use bad enough that your parents should try to gain guardianship of your nephew? It is also something to consider. Your sister will not stop using unless and until SHE decides to stop. One of the things you will learn at Nar-Anon or Al-Anon meetings is that you did not cause, you cannot control it, and you cannot cure the addict (the three C's).

Hugs and best wishes to you and your parents, I hope that your sister finds recovery for her sake and the sake of her son.


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Old 01-20-2009, 07:05 AM
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thank you guys for your input. i have been thinking about going to al-anon and trying to get my parents to come with me, but i don't think either would come. i've spoken with my dad about how my sister dealing out of the house could lead to some very bad situations but he just closes up whenever i talk to him about her. i'm starting to come to terms with the fact that i can't control or cure her addiction, but i can't help feeling like we are supporting her behavior because my parents still let these things go on in their house.
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Old 01-20-2009, 07:08 AM
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md do you live in their home too?
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Old 01-20-2009, 07:10 AM
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for the moment. i live at my parents house during the break between semesters of school.
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Old 01-20-2009, 07:20 AM
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Not only can you not control your sister, you cannot control your parents who for now, seem to be OK, living along the River Denial.

Once you get back to school, check out Al-anon or Nar-anon and keep the focus on maintaining your own sanity.
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Old 01-20-2009, 07:26 AM
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you can not keep your sister clean & neither can your parents. they are enabling her to use & not hit her bottom. maybe if you showed your parents this site.
welcome to S.R. & keep coming back. you are on the right path. there is a lot of support here for you. prayers,
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Old 01-20-2009, 07:30 AM
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Be careful then - her actions can affect you if you live there. I saw kid get blamed in court for his brothers possession charge. Judge didnt know what was true so she put him in drug court just to keep an eye on him. He went through 6 months of drug court becuase of it and it wasnt even his. never once tested positive or got in any trouble but he shouldnt have been there to start with. I've know this kid a long time - he's no angel but it was unfair - i was so proud of him when he prooved everyone wrong.

You're parents ignoring the risk she is placing on your life is irresponsible denial. One of the main reasons i've been so hard on the consequences with my son is becuase i know the effect it has on his sister. Get yourself some help - maybe through alanon you can learn tools not only deal with your sisters usage but your own parents denial.
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Old 01-21-2009, 02:40 PM
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i just spoke with my dad again today and it is evident that the only reason my sister is still in the house is because they don't want her son to be taken with her. he keeps saying to me that the decision to seek treatment is my sisters (absolutely true), but she will never seek treatment in my opinion because she doesn't have to deal with the consequences of her drug abuse. i feel like i'm on a merry-go-round seeing the same thing happen over and over.
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Old 01-21-2009, 03:29 PM
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Maybe you can give them a big hug and tell them that you know that they are good smart parents (because afterall, they raised you) and that they will figure out the right thing to do sooner or later. And then YOU can go to an alanon meeting to be an example for them.

Good luck in school!
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Old 01-21-2009, 06:29 PM
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try the ala meeting they are full of advice
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Old 01-21-2009, 06:35 PM
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I'm sorry for all that you are going through, but glad that you will be able to able to get a little physical distance by going back to school.

I like Kitty's idea...give your parents a hug, let them know you love them, then go to al-anon for YOU. When we start working on our codie recovery, it often rubs off on those we love and they pick up on it. The main thing is, take care of you.

Hugs and prayers!

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