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Staying positive....letting go of the past

Old 01-19-2009, 08:38 PM
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Staying positive....letting go of the past

:wtf2My AD has found a doctor who is managing her methadone...and is also a physcologist. She has to see him every 2 weeks to make sure she is on track and also helps her with life issues.

I am so grateful to whoever or however she found this person. She is alive again, working on her life and learning to be a grownup.

She doesnt live with me, hasnt for 3 years. She lives with her boyfriend who she did the OXY with and they have both been workingon sobriety.

Almost 2 years ago they walked into my house near death. I nursed them back to health and gave them the space to get off the drugs. After 3 months they went back home and began the process of deciding to live or die.

They chose to live. I never tried to manage there recovery. Only laid down ground rules for my house. They respected my rules.

My husband does not like the boyfriend, has said he has given him a chance.
He isn't who I would have chosen for her, but alas it is her journey.

In the past growing up, (he is not her bio dad, but adopted her as her bio dad was never around)she has always done things her own way. He had a hard time with this but showed her love anyway.

She has made arrangements to go to a tech school, and try to find something to work towards. Every time I see her it feels to me like a miracle that she is on the planet.

I work my recovery every day and encourage them but have let them figure out there lives, and struggle to pay bills, to become grown ups.

They come on Sundays and her and I lay on my bed and laugh and snuggle.

Today my husband mentioned that she had shared her goals and what she was planning to do. Then remarked that she never seems to get one out of the park.
Okay to me she is hitting one out of the park everyday that she choses to live and work towards a future.
She is in her late 20's and he says things like her time to go to school has past and that she really hasnt done anyting since high school.

I chose to look forward, not blindly, but to not dwell in that dark place that she was in or revisit the eomtions of my own if I can.

He is a very high funtioning alcoholic. He does not see himself this way.

I wake up these days with gratitude that we are not where we were 2 years ago or even 1 year ago.

So I come here hoping for some positive thoughts.
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Old 01-19-2009, 09:37 PM
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That's great to hear.
My sister (29) is in a similar program for oxy addiction, seeing a doctor once a week who manages her methadone and also gives her counselling.
Its actually her second try with this program. She relapsed the first time, but this doctor took her back when she was ready to go back, and she's been improving for 3 months now.
It really is great when they find the right program that works for them, when so many aren't good fits.
Like your daughter she's still struggling to get her life back on track in terms of fines, debts, burned bridges, etc...but I tell her even though she feels she's lost a lot of years, at 29 she still has most of her life ahead of her.
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Old 01-20-2009, 03:30 AM
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I know exactly how you feel. Everyday that our daughters are clean is a miracle and one that I don't take lightly. Mine is a bit younger but her addiction derailed a lot of the plans that she had for her future. She is starting over again. I really don't care what she does with her future, I am just glad that she now has one. Happy hugs to you and thanks for sharing. Marle
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Old 01-20-2009, 03:52 AM
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I think it's great to hear! She sounds as though she is making progress and is determined to make it. Actions to speak louder than words, and she is acting and working toward her future. Shoot, I'm in my mid-40s and am working on a PhD.

I am proud of your daughter and her accomplishments!
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Old 01-20-2009, 08:22 AM
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I too am proud of your daughter and you are right on in thinking that everyday is a miracle. It only takes one slip, one use and she is gone forever. Dad on the other hand just has higher expectations. He wants more for his little girl and he's not getting what he thinks she should be. You mentioned he is a high functioning alcoholic. That is also maybe a reason he tends to be so harsh. Everyday that she is alive and sober and clean is definitly hitting it out of the park. Encourage her to do anything she wants and who cares if she doesnt obtain it. She tried. What more is there to ask? SHe is independant and follows to her own tune. Thats not so bad. At least she hears the music.
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Old 01-20-2009, 11:52 AM
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I agree each day that she is clean & sober, is a day to celebrate.
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Old 01-20-2009, 03:57 PM
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Thanks for the encouragement.

Today we addressed the dental issues.

AD always took great care of her teeth, and in the past 3 years not having money or insurance, she let this go.

Lucikly only 3 teeth are in bad shape. I used to always wonder how someone could just lose a tooth, now I know. I have become non judgemental in so many ways now understanding how life can take people in ways you never dream.

Sat at the dentist with her, as she said she felt stupid and embarrased for htese problems.

I now know why. She did not explain her issues at first. The hygenists started on her after looking at her xrays from a few years back. My daughter asked her to be gentle, as opiate addicts have pain receptor problems for a while.

Then the dentist kept saying her name and shaking his head over and over.

I explained to them all that yes she had been through something, and that she is here now for repair.

And sometimes they might not realize what path a patient has been on, and had I not been there she might not have come back.
They apologized, said we didn't know. I feel a patient should be treated kindly if they are paying and wanting work done.

AGain she is stepping forward on her own to clean up the mess that her life had become.

I am hoping I am not being co-dependent just being an advocate for what kind of care she gets.

STanding by here in this recovery for both of shows me just how easy it is to judge and throw people away.

Thanks again for letting me share and for the support.

I mostly read here since alot of my own issues are helped and reinforced with others posts.
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Old 01-21-2009, 05:59 PM
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Today I got up with a clearer head and sense of peace.

Called my dentist and talked to the office manager honestly about her issues and what she needs done.
They have in house payments, which is better for my AD and had my AD call and get the work arranged.

I at times still feel like being an advocate for her, but then getting out of the way and letting her follow through.

She is one day at a time addressing the messes that they make while they are using.

I had a few regrets for a bit for getting after the staff at her dentists office about how they were treating her.

But maybe it will make a difference in how they treat the next patient who appears tohave some issues.

She wont be going back there.

All this seems trivial to some, but for me it is the miracle of her wanting to get stuff taken care of.

I guess it's a mom thing.
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